Month: October 2017

He sat alone in the lunch room of the dry shack, as usual. As I looked up I noticed he was reading again. “Why can’t he be like the rest of us?” I thought, shaking my head. Always so unassuming and calm. How did he do it?

Joel had come to work over a month ago and had been assigned to my crew. At first, he rarely talked but went about his work with enough skill that I had no complaints. Then I began to hear from other crew members that he had expressed some displeasure with the language we all used, especially me.

I had confronted him and asked, “I hear you have a problem with the way this crew is run, is that true?” He replied calmly, “No not at all, you are a good boss. I just do not see the need for taking the Lord’s name in vain as you do.” He looked me in the eye and did not turn away. I could see some power of conviction and was amazed that there was no anger or malice in his look. “Another Christian.” I mumbled. As he heard this a slight smile crept across his face and he said softly, “I am a follower of Jesus Christ and in that ask that you just think before you use His name as you do.” He put his hand on my shoulder briefly and smiled broader, then said, “Thanks John.” I felt anger boiling up in me, but his calm demeanor deflated me, and I just shook my head in agreement. Unbelievably, I said, “Ok, Joel, I will try.

Now as I stared at him reading, what I assumed was the Bible, I was conflicted. Most of my career as an Ironworker, I had to stand toe to toe with some tough characters. Most of them wanted to test my metal, see if I had what it took to run a crew or would be willing to slug it out if that is what it took. I could deal with that. I also had some loud mouth ‘Christians’ who had worked for me that wanted to spend the whole day preaching and driving people crazy. Even that I had put up with. But Joel was different. His quiet strength and, I guess humility, unnerved me. I grudgedly respected the guy, a rare thing for me. And as I ate my lunch, I thought, “If all Christians were like this guy, well maybe I could see something in it… what makes him so different?”

Living a Christ like life. What does that look like? I think that almost everything can be summed up in one word, meekness. Some of you might be thinking, this guy doesn’t know what he is talking about! But wait, let’s look at some of the synonyms for meek or meekness: forbearing, gentle, humble, longsuffering and patient. When you think of Jesus do not every one of those words come to mind. Jesus was the model of meekness and if we are going to be like him we must find that our lives are filled with these same qualities.

“Blessed are the meek, they shall inherit the earth. (Matthew 5:5) I think a lot of times we want to skip over this promise from the sermon on the mount. Meekness seems like weakness according to how the world would define it. But to tell you the truth, I see it as just the opposite and I am not alone. Here is what my favorite author says,” By meekness under trial, no less than by boldness in enterprise, souls may be won to Christ. The Christian who manifests patience and cheerfulness under bereavement and suffering who meets even death itself with peace and calmness of an unwavering faith, may accomplish for the gospel more than he could have effected by a long life of faithful labor.” (The Acts of the Apostles, pg. 465.1, Ellen White) When we live like Christ we will be bold in humility. And powerful in our peacefulness. Think how that could change the lives around you.

When I look around this world we live in, I see that the one thing missing on all sides is the power of patience. No side of any dispute is willing to acquiesce. Did you know that acquiescence is another synonym for meekness? The Apostle Paul says this about meekness or acquiescence in our encounters where we may become embroiled: “Remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to malign no one, to be peaceful, gentle, showing every consideration for all men.” (Titus 3:1-2) Can you ever see Jesus in the middle of all this infighting and hatred that is taking place in our government, our jobs and even in our homes? Not if we believe what He said of Himself as he reaches out to all that are willing, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:29) His meekness was His strength until death on the cross. It can be our inheritance too and it can bring about true renewal to this earth, the soon return of Jesus. Think about it, just living as He did came hasten His return, I am sure of it.

Often when I think about meekness, Joel comes to mind. He continued to work for me for another 6 months. And during that time, I found myself striving to be a better person around him. I was still stuck in my addictions and could not believe in the gospel. But he never wavered in his quiet example of, what I now know, was Christ living in him. Meekness with strength of convictions, it was and is a powerful combination. Today, I strive to find the power of it in my day to day walk. I seek this for you also. Whereas we once found power in our own strength, this day I ask we seek it in the gentleness of the Jesus. Thanks Joel, you inspire me!

Blessing John
10/30/17

 

Today I had intended to continue the series of blogs centered on the Gospel of Matthew 5: 1-12, often referred to as the Beatitudes, that is before I spent three and half hours in an MRI machine this morning. You see, I was born with a birthmark, a hemangioma, on my left arm. It was supposed to be gone before I reached puberty. No such luck. Over the years, as an Ironworker, it gave me fits trying to protect from sun and cuts. But over the last seven years or so, something has caused it grow and expand. The MRI was ordered to help see what is going on. But that is not the story.

The story today centers around how God can give us blessings in the wackiest of ways and times. Saying something like that might offend some of you, but in my life, God has blessed me in times when I have felt the farthest from Him. Today was one of those days.

Have you ever had an MRI? If so, I don’t have to describe it to you. But if not, well let me see if I can paint a picture of the experience. Being in the machine itself is like being in an extremely noisy casket. Laid down a table you are rolled into a cylinder that resembles a big donut. Flat on your back (at least in my case) your nose is inches from the inside face of the cylinder. No movement allowed, as the machine starts to make staccato whirling noises. Sometimes resembling a jack hammer. Others a Buck Rodgers ray gun (sorry for the old guy sci-fi reference) and more. Always so loud earplugs are required. Because the MRI process is so slow and my arm so long, I needed to do four sessions. Upper and lower arm without and with contrast. It was truly unnerving experience. And on top of it all having a weak bladder due to prostate cancer, led to a time when you would think any blessed thoughts would be far from my mind. But that was not the case.

Although it did start out that way. I was irritated that this was going to take so long. I thought, “Somebody should have clued me in on this!” I did not have a pleasant thought anywhere to be found. But about half way through the first session the Holy Spirit nudged me, trying to show me what a blessing this could be. If I just didn’t waste the time on negative thoughts and allowed Him to fill my mind with thoughts that come from contemplating on the awesomeness of our God and Savior. So, I want to share some of those thoughts today, maybe they will bless you as they did me.

One of the first things I was led to think about is just how unbelievable my life has been. A guy who spent most of his kid hood and adult life wasting and wasted. From child abandonment to dealing drugs to children. I have laid a path of ruin wide and long. Yet I now know, “. God demonstrates his love for us that while we were still sinners He died for us. (Romans 5:8) He did that for me. The love involved in that whirled in my mind as the MRI whirled around me. Sometimes I still can’t believe it. But I know it is true.

This led me to contemplate Jesus. Here I was feeling this pain in my arm, holding it still for hours. How could I compare such minor stuff with the King of the Universe, spat upon and beaten, hanging on a cross with that load of sin I laid upon him, “. He was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5) I whispered, “Thank you, Jesus!”

Then I looked at my life now. Over the last year, I have been blessed to marry a woman who shows me what God intended for us, a marriage where two are one in Him. I have been ordained an elder in the Seventh Day Adventist church. Allowed to share my testimony and the Word of God in churches in both Georgia and Oregon. And share three times a week, in these blog pages, what God has done to save this man who neither deserved it nor is worthy of it, but humbly thanks Him because it is freely given. It is called grace and I am assured, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is a gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9) I didn’t do a thing to deserve it or earn it. I just accepted Jesus as my Savior. Whispered: “Thank you, Jesus!”

I had other random thoughts of blessings I have seen around me even in a world that is sinking in sin. People who inspire me. In my church, putting all their hope and faith in Jesus. Even though some are suffering, they know He will return soon. I heard part of a song being sung, the lyrics, “We have this hope that burns within our hearts, Hope in the coming of the Lord. We have this faith that Christ alone imparts, Faith in the promise of His Word…” I was in my third hour in the whirling, noise bound machine. My arm and body were aching, but my heart was soaring. Can you believe it?

After I was done. The young tech who operated the machine with skill and an understanding nature was leading me out the door. I handed him one of my cards with my blog address and asked him to visit my site to learn some of my thoughts as I endured the time we spent together. I pray that he and you are blessed to know our God can take the tedious tasks and odious experiences and turn them into blessing. He did that for me today. Out loud: “THANK YOU, JESUS!”

Blessings from inside the MRI machine- John
10/27/17

Sitting with my family, the pain seemed unbearable. Our pastor spoke words of comfort but at the moment I could find no comfort in them. I knew that soon I would be called up to speak a eulogy for my wife and now I wasn’t certain if I could go through with it.

It had been a very long journey. Dianne had discovered she had Multiple Myeloma, a virulent form of cancer, during a time when we were separated. In 1999 our relationship had its last threads torn as I continued to succumb to my addictions while her health was failing.

We were living in the wilds of Utah at the time, a small town near Dinosaur National Park, by the name of Vernal. I was superintendent for a Salt Lake based concrete reinforcing company and oversaw a major addition to the city’s waste water treatment facility. But once again my life was out of control. After years of field work and substance abuse, I knew my career seemed to be at an end. This drove me farther into addiction and farther from my wife.

But after years of separation and struggles, we, through the grace of God, survived as a couple. By the year 2010 we were living back in Dianne’s hometown of Grants Pass, Oregon. Our walk with God had begun and was starting to show fruit. Even though now we both were struggling with forms of cancer, our lives were heading in the right direction. Within a few years both of us had been baptized but little by little I could see her health was deteriorating and no amount of prayers seemed to be slowing that down.

Then came 2014, a year where one health issue after another struck Dianne. Starting on January third, when a routine colonoscopy went terribly wrong and emergency surgery was needed to repair a torn length of large colon. For three months we struggled to get her healthy again. Just to find new issues as it seemed there were problems with her liver, but no one could diagnose it. Horrific pains in her spine were added in late summer. Finally, in October cancer was found to be the cause of all of it, as tumors were massed in liver and on the spinal cord. From there all our care and love was to no avail. She past away in late December. And now I was sitting in the front pew of my church, no heart left in me. Thinking, “My God why have you forsaken me?”

Death. We mourn the lost of a loved one and I can tell you there seems to be no comfort. After my wife passed away, I found my fledgling faith was being strained to its limits. Prayers that once flowed were dammed up somewhere inside of me and now when they did escape seemed to be so puny and meaningless that I just gave up trying. The crazy thing is that I put up this strong front on the outside. I was still going to all the church functions. A regular at Sabbath service. Still highly involved in all my ministries. And even attending prayer meeting every Wednesday. But it was all a shell. Inside I felt as if God had abandoned me and right when I was getting it all together. “Why?” I kept saying. “Why?” But no answers. None. Or so I thought.

In Jesus most remembered sermon, he said this, “Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4) I can tell you the first three months after my wife’s passing I felt neither blessed or comforted. But our God is an awesome God. When he makes promises He always keeps them. And every one of the so-called Beatitudes of Matthew chapter 5 are just that, Jesus, the Son of God, promising that when we put all our faith in God, there will be answers.

In my case in came in the form of a young pastor who saw my pain and my heart. With the guiding of the Holy Spirit he offered me the one thing that could crack that phony shell I was living in and open the gates to my oh so needed prayer life again. He asked me to be co-leader of Wednesday night prayer meeting.

Strange, huh, he was asking me to lead in the place where I now felt the least comfortable. But in truth it was not strange at all. Listen to these words from Psalm 139, “O Lord you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold O Lord, you know it all together. You hem me in, behind and before and lay your hand upon me.” (Psalm 139:1-5) Do you see it? Our God knows our thoughts before we even speak, he knows our needs. He knows when we mourn. His knows how to comfort us. Read the rest of this Psalm when you have the time, it is one of the best definitions of who our God is you will ever read. I love it!

The lead in prayer meeting forced me to open God’s word again. As the words flowed into my broken heart, it started to mend. I found my faith was now firmer than it had ever been. And it did not stop there.

In 2016 I was sure I was back, and everything would go on safe and secure now. But our God was not content to just lead me out of mourning. Those prayer meetings, led that same pastor to suggest I lead a Revelation Seminar, which led to taking a more active leadership role in my church, which led to my retirement and my full- time ministry sharing the stories of what God has done in my life. And if that is not enough. I met a woman of God, even though I was not looking, on Facebook of all places. That led to a wonderful relationship. We were married last December. Which led to a move across the country from Oregon to Georgia, which led to life joy filled and blessed. Awesome God? What do you think?

If you mourn today, keep your faith in God, your eye upon Jesus and trust in His promise, those that mourn will be comforted. Allow yourself to grieve and allow those around you to help God’s healing powers to flow into you. Stay strong and hopeful. He knows you and loves you. Blessed comfort is on the way and more!

Blessings John
10/25/17

“I am the fastest man alive!” I screamed as I raised my hands above my head. Some in the overcrowded bar were laughing and others just shook their heads. But one guy on the other side shouted back, “That can’t be because I have been told that I am!”

It was 1:30 on a Saturday morning. The bar was crowded with swing shift workers who had just pulled their last shift for the week. I was drinking double shot and beers with my Ironworker crew. We had been bragging about our school days. Most everyone had one kind of boast or another. My buddy Terry who was big enough to take up two bar stools had been a lineman for Pacifica University, everyone knew how strong he was and deferred to him as the ‘strongest man alive.’ Others had claims of agility or strength. But I was claiming speed. I was long legged and thin as a rake. I had been a runner and in my drunken state bragged I had never been beaten. Now from the other end of the bar came a challenge.

As I looked at the young guy who was now smiling broadly at me, my anger rose. “Who does he think he is?” I mumbled to myself. Then thought, “Just leave it alone, just bar talk.” But I couldn’t, my pride was up and I could not stay quiet. I yelled above the din, “Listen, friend, you don’t know who you are talking to. I don’t want to show you up in front of your pals, but you look like a carpenter and I have never lost at anything to a carpenter. I think you just need to back off.”

He wasn’t about to do that. In fact, he and his friends were now pushing their way through the crowd heading towards us. Soon, he and I were face to face, the smirk was still there as he now spoke boldly and full of his own pride, “I really don’t want to embarrass you in front of this whole crowd, but I think we need to settle this.” All of a sudden, I was very tired, the week had been long and I was living on booze and speed. The this was the last thing I needed right now. But again, my pride wouldn’t let me back down. I said more boldly than I felt, “Ok, then, how about you and I do it right now, the alley behind this joint is probably empty let’s see what you are made of.” He just smiled broader, “You’re on!”

I sometimes cringe thinking about my life strung out and booze loaded. Here I was a guy who was completely out of control yet had this arrogance and pride about being a self-made man. Have you heard that phrase ‘self-made man or woman’? I think a lot of us, especially here in the USA, believe that pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps is a virtue. I sure know I was taught that as a kid. “Be your own man.” “Stand on your own two feet.” “Take pride in yourself.” Most of what I was taught centered on the ‘me, myself and I’ words. And to tell truth, I could never live up to it and every time I failed, my life would go into a tailspin. Usually that would entail more drugs and more alcohol.

The saddest thing is that I even took pride in my addictions. I was the guy who when everyone else was doing two lines of speed, I would do four. If you and I were drinking together even that would become a competition. My life was a mess but I was proud because I made it work every day. I remember sitting in AA meetings and listening to the ‘losers’ talking about how they couldn’t hold a job because of their habit. Smug, I would think, “I can take it or leave it, but unlike you bums, I hold down a job no matter what.” Pride and arrogance were the fuel that stoked my fires, nothing good came out of it.

“In his pride the wicked man does not seek Him, in all his thoughts there is no room for God.” (Psalm 10:4) When I first read this, I was struck by its truth. Our world and most of its religions teach a self-centered and selfish dogma that leaves no room for God. But this should not be true for Christ followers.

One day on a mountainside Jesus said these words, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Mathew 5:3) Poor in spirit. Some have argued if Jesus was just talking about physical poverty but I see so much more in these words. The poverty of the spirit Jesus is speaking of is so revolutionary that it can change the world. Even more, it can change your life and mine. He is speaking of true humility. The other centered love that is found only in the cross of Jesus Christ.

Nowhere else can love based on total humbleness be found. Jesus, the son of God, came to this world lowly and willing to die just to save you and me. And he calls on us to take up our cross and follow him. And strange as it may seem to the world, it is the answer to all our problems.

Think of it. In this world of in fighting. Side against side. It is pride, so much like that of Satan in his original rebellion, that we find polarizing the last day earth as it did the first couple. Jesus calls us to let go of earthly pride and seek a poorer spirit. Here is how the Apostle Peter says it, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him because He loves you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7) If we are seeking peace here and in heaven’s kingdom will need to start with a submissive and humble heart.

I lost that race. Drunk and full of the pride of this world, I crossed the line a foot and a half behind my rival. As many things did during those years I refused to be gracious in loss but sought vengeance in other ways. Today I still struggle with a prideful heart. The difference is now I realize I have a Savior who already died a humble death to save me. I cannot stay proud for long in the face of that love. I pray today I will have the spirit of the tax collector of Luke’s Gospel and with him say, “God have mercy on me a sinner.” (Luke 18:13) May we all seek a “poorer spirit” in Jesus, it could change everything. It has changed me.

Blessings John
10/23/17

 

The deal was for a ‘key’, 1000 grams of crystalline crank, what a lot of the speed freaks were now calling ‘meth’. I had agreed to be at the meet because I was into my dealer for over two thousand dollars. He now owned me and I knew it.

As we sat in his Vette, he was smoking swisher sweet cigars which smelled like oily rags to me. I could tell he was nervous but I tried to hold myself together, even though I knew the danger I was in. Scanning the parking lot, I thought to myself, “This is it, if you meet with the source, these guys will never let you out of their sight.” Life as I knew it was over. I had sold myself for six months of partying.

I heard the rustle of his leather jacket and saw that Jet, one of his many aliases, was digging out an amber colored vial. Opening it he scooped out a blast of meth with a coke spoon and snorted it. Turning to me he said, “Here ya go, John Boy, see there are benefits of riding shotgun!” He offered me a spoonful and I sucked it down. “Yeah, brother, we are family now. But when these guys show up, lay back and let me do all the talking. If they ask you anything just nod and point to me. It is better that way for you and for me.” I had no problem with this, the last thing I wanted right now was to be noticed.

I reached in my pocket and lit up a cigarette. I could see that my hand was shaking, some from the situation mainly because the crank hit me hard with ‘rushes’ and I really needed a drink to even out. “Why didn’t I bring a bottle?” I thought. Leaning my head back and closing my eyes I tried to understand how I had gotten here. Only a year ago I had been married, it was not a good marriage but I had my son in my life every day! Now after a war-torn divorce, my addictions were out of control. I had seen my son less and less. I was about to become a drug dealer. My life was in the tank, and the problem was I did not seem to care.

Addictions, some of us wear them like a badge. Others try to hide them and still others refuse to even admit they exist. In this sin worn world every one of us struggle with some form of them, if we want to admit it or not.

After much prayer, I have chosen to share my history with addiction in this blog. Not to boast, heaven forbid. But to open a door that maybe some of you who read this do not want open. I do it because I know who is waiting on the other side of that door, Jesus Christ. And He is the only one who can help us when we are ready to admit our struggles and are willing to turn them over to Him.

Addiction, I think is a word that most people associate with people like myself, strung out on drugs. Seeking that next drink. Substance abusers. And, of course that is very true, we are addicts. But I have come to see that addictions run much deeper. The definition that I give it these days is: “Anything that we become obsessed with other than God.” What is it each day that you feel you cannot live without? Maybe it is that cup of coffee. That reality show. That piece of cake. Or maybe, as unlikely as it seems, it is that good work you seek to do and have become obsessed with. Simple things that in themselves are harmless, until they become more important than your or my daily walk with the Savior.

The apostle Paul wrote this powerful verse, “I have the right to do anything,” you say- but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything” – but I will not be mastered by anything.” (1 Corinthians 6:12) We have the right of free choice, it is a God given right. But not every choice we will make today will be beneficial. And if we are being mastered by our addictive choices and they are controlling us than we will find ourselves farther from God. It always works that way.
Jesus through the cross offers us a better reality. The amazing thing is that no matter how far that addiction takes us away from Him, “He has now reconciled you in His body of flesh by His death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before Him.” (Colossians 1:22) Can you wrap your mind around this? If we are willing to surrender our struggle with whatever it is over to Him. He has already dealt with the sin involved. You are without reproach and can have the holiness He seeks for you and me. But He cannot do that if you are not willing.

I came to Jesus still deep in my addictions. I was arrogant and unbelieving. But as I began to see in His Word the love He had for me, a sinner and still unrepentant. I came across these words, “But God demonstrates His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Jesus died for us.” (Romans 5:8) That was a reality I could not resist. It did not happen all at once but slowly I saw in the light of that love I had found the truth that was deeper than my addictions and in 2010 I took my last drink.

I wish I could say all my ‘addictions’ have melted away, not true. But the closer I draw to Jesus, the more I see things that are keeping me from the holiness he wants for me. It is amazing what He will show you once you open that door. But be assured you will never have to do it alone, He will be with you every step of the way!

That drug deal went down. My life did change for the worse. I began a separation with my son that has not healed to this day. Eventually I had to leave the state I was in and hide out in another to keep from being swept up in a huge sting that brought down most of the people I was dealing with. Friends put me abroad a plane and paid for the ticket. I look at it as God’s grace. The pain of all of this is still real to me. I choose to share praying one person might read this and find hope for themselves. It is my prayer today you will, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7) There is nothing you have done, He cannot forgive. I am living proof. May you be also.

Blessings John
10/20/17