Month: December 2017

You’re going to have to serve somebody. It may be the devil or it may be the Lord but you’re going to have to serve somebody.” – Bob Dylan

“How much is this going to cost me?” I asked. It was around 4:00 PM Sunday and I was sitting across the table from my drug dealer. We had been there since I had gotten of swing shift, maybe 2:00 AM Saturday morning. The ‘8 ball’ of meth was about gone and so was the half-gallon of Black Velvet whiskey. He didn’t look at me and just casually said, “Two Large.” I knew I was into him for quite a bit but that shocked me out of my haze. I looked at him and now he was staring at me with cold eyes, smiling. I tried to add up the parties of the last month and they all blurred together. Two thousand dollars, I didn’t have two thousand dollars! I said, “How much time do I have.” He smiled broader, “None, it’s pay day, brother!” I knew what was coming, he had been trying to get me to deal on the job site for him but I had refused. Now I was had. No choices left I begged him and he agreed I could work off my debt. You’re going to have to serve somebody!

From that moment, I became a drug dealer. The shock wore off soon enough. Before I knew it, I was ready to sell even to grade school kids, my son’s age. Yeah, once the choice is made, Satan becomes your master and nothing is out-of-bounds. And I wish I could say I had a revelation back then but I did not. I served him willingly. For over ten years I dealt leading people to destroyed lives. My best friend at that time, I introduced him to meth and became his dealer. He was a good guy with a nice family. Within two years he was divorced and pretty much living on the streets. I served Satan well.

I know a lot of people today think Satan is not real. Just another myth. But I am here to tell you he is real and if you are not serving the living God, you are serving him.

When I was first coming to believe, I was given a book to read called “The Great Controversy”, I started to read it but I couldn’t believe what I was reading so I put it away. I picked it up again two years ago and this time my mind was ready, I know that I saw the world, it’s history and it future as it is for the first time. There is too much to write here on a blog page. But the book clearly describes the battle between God and Satan for our very being. It is available online. Take a look, it is pretty amazing.

But you do not need any other book than the Word of God to know the truth, look at what Jesus said in the Gospel of John, “You are of your father the devil, and you will do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” (John 8: 44). Pretty powerful stuff! Jesus tells the Pharisees that they are OF the devil. He is stating it clearly, if you are serving Satan you will end up being like him. When I agreed to deal drugs. I would lie, cheat and steal. I was Serving the father of lying, cheating and stealing.

But, you know, there is another choice and that is to serve the living God. And in this choice there is no deception or lies. Just the act called repentance. The word repent has been given a bad rap when it simply means to turn away. When we turn away from Satan’s lies we turn to Him that is waiting for us to do just that. The book of Isaiah tells us, “Turn to me and be saved, all the ends of the earth! For I am God; there is no other.” (Isaiah 45: 22). When I did choose God, I found I could no longer do the things that came so natural and were so destructive. But there was more.

I repented and wanted to believe but Satan did not let go that easily. I struggled for 3 years. Could I really believe, could I trust God? Finally, it came down to Jesus. His words they became so powerful and clear, “Let your hearts be not troubled, trust in God and trust in me.” (John 14: 1) But the thing is He didn’t just say the words, he walked the walk. He went to the cross. He did what He said He would do! And He continues to do so right now as our advocate in the heavenly sanctuary. No lying here just plain truth. In the end trusting Him was a no brainer.

So, my friends, like me the choice is yours, you can serve Him who says: “I am the way, the truth and the life…” or you can serve the: “Liar and the father of lies.” But one thing is for sure Dylan had it right: “You’re going to have to serve somebody.”

Blessings John
5/8/2017

I sat on the couch. The party was in full swing. The house I shared with Lani was full of people from both bars we hung around in and anyone else they had invited. I could see people surrounding the kitchen table as lines of cocaine and speed were being cut up and shared. Leaning back, I tried to remember what day it was. I closed my eyes.

Soon as I did I felt someone plop on the couch next to me. Then an elbow in my ribs. I opened my eyes to see it was Lani and she was not looking too happy. I cleared my throat and asked, “What’s up?” Stone cold silence. This wasn’t good.Lani and I had been friends for a couple of years. But never had been attracted to one another. When her last roommate had moved out she had asked me to move in. So far, it had worked out. We got along well but now I could see there was a problem.

For some reason the noise in the room had increased and I raised my voice to be heard over the din, “Ok, what is the problem? Say something, I can’t hear your brains rattle.” With that she turned to look at me and said, “Are you happy with all this!” The question surprised me and I asked, “All what?” Her hand swept out in front of her slowly, “This… the endless partying. The drugs. The booze. Maybe just life in general.”

I leaned back again and thought, “Ah oh, I hated this kind of stuff. Life questions.” But I said, “I don’t know, I guess I am happy enough. I mean, what else is there?” She sighed and I could see she was on the verge of tears. As she attempted to light a cigarette her hand was shaking and I took the lighter from her and lit it. Silence for a moment, then she said, “I got a call earlier today. My brother has been diagnosed with a brain tumor and the doctors don’t give him a chance. Right now, life stinks and I can find no joy in it.”

I don’t know how many times during my ‘lost years’ I had a conversation like this one. A friend whose relative was dying or had passed away. A boyfriend locked away for some offense that normally had to do with supporting his habit. Or just a conversation about what an empty life we were all living. Anything that occurred during those years could steal our joy. It seemed to me that we were living a life of complete hopelessness and sought to sooth that with every substance known to man.

The truth is I don’t think you need to live a life of addictions to find your joy can be taken from you in a moment. I look around me and see that in our fast-paced world we seek instant gratification and mistakenly believe that is how happiness and joy is to be found. I know I chased it over forty years. It never happened.

One translation of Psalm 40: 4 says: “How happy is the man who has put his trust in the Lord and has not turned to the proud or those who run after lies.” That is powerful and begs the question, “Where do we find our happiness, in God’s promises or in running after empty promises offered in the world?” Turn on any device and you will be guaranteed a joyful life by just buying a product advertised in the endless commercials that permeate our media. Has it ever worked for you? I cannot say it has.

But isn’t that the American dream? Aren’t we promised the right to, “…life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”? My answer is yes. And we are blessed to live in a country where we can choose to do just that. And that is what it will always come down to, a choice.

I chose to chase joy contained in a bottle or a line of powder. Others seek it in possessions or careers. But Jesus challenged us with a radical thought on being joyful. He said, “Happy is a man who is humble, who mourns or is meek. Happy is the man who thirsts for the righteousness found only in God, or is merciful. Happy is the man who is a peacemaker or suffers because he follows the ways of a righteous God.” All of this can be found in what are called the Beatitudes in the Gospel of Matthew 5: 5-10, look them up and read some life changing words. The amazing thing for me is when I began to accept these radical promises in my life, I began to understand what the ‘pursuit of happiness’ is all about.

But I think the kicker that changed all my opinion about joy was when I read this the second part of Hebrew 12: 2, “…For the joy set before Him he endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Do you get it? Jesus’ joy is in our salvation. So much so He agreed to all torture, shame, and horrible death, just to someday be with me and you if you choose it, in a world made new. That changed me. That gave me hope. And in that hope, I now find my joy.

Can I say now that I am always happy as the world sees happiness. Nope, no can do. But I can say that I am always joyful. I find in this fruit of the Spirit, because in the end that is what joy is, Jesus gift to us. I can live a life fulfilled not in the things that this world offers but if I allow the Spirit to lead me, in a life fulfilled in the radical ways of the Savior. Humility that comes when I know Him who died for me. Peace because I trust in His promises. Mercy because He was merciful to me first. Allowed to experience His righteousness because of the cross and the grace of God. And so much more that I don’t have the room to write in a single blog page. But suffice to say, I chose Jesus as my endless supply of joy! It worked.

Lani lost her brother and we went on a three-day bender together. When those three days were done, even though neither of us would admit it, we felt even more empty than before. I regret that it did not open me to seek a better answer to life’s sorrows for many years to come. I can only thank God and those that prayed for me, because through Jesus, this sad addict has become a man of joy. It is gift He offers to us all, you just have to choose it.

Blessings John
9/27/17

“Love means never having to say you are sorry.” The famous line from the movie Love Story. If you were alive in 1970 you probably either wept or yawned your way through this film about a young couple from different worlds. He the rich boy, by the name of Oliver and she a baker’s daughter named Jennifer. They meet in college and are quickly attracted to one another. The story takes the normal twists and turns, as the rich kid’s father cannot accept that his son has fallen in love with a girl so below his station. But love prevails even as Ollie is dis-owned by his father, they marry.

Struggling through, Jenny works as a teacher to help her husband to get his law degree. Once he graduates with honors immediately firms are offering him good paying positions. All seems so wonderful, love will prevail.

But soon it is learned that Jenny has leukemia and as Ollie seeks to find ways to pay for her treatments, he turns to his father. More plot twists and turns but the final scene has Jenny passing away, as Ollie looks on. Enter the now grieving father, who can only apologize to his son. All comes to a Hollywood type climax with Ollie, saying the line once spoken by Jenny to him after he reacted to her in anger and tried to apologize. Now the son says to his father, “Love means never having to say you are sorry.” Fade to black.

Love, Hollywood style. Many of us have watched it and too many of us have accepted it as truth. When it is not being packaged by script writers, then it is being lamented or praised in song. In fact, I found a blog page by the name of “Toronto mike” that lists 1187 love songs, I bet there were some sleepless nights listing all of those! When it comes to movies, well the best list I found had over 1000 titles but could not claim to be complete.

So, if we watched every one of those movies and listened to every song, would we know what love is? If not, then maybe we could go on to read the 242 books listed by “Goodreads” as the top good reads about love. We would have to be experts by then, right? My advice is don’t waste your time. I have one book that will do much better and I am sorry to say it didn’t crack the list of top 242 best reads, the Bible.

According to the King James Version stats I could find, the word love appears 131 times in the Old Testament and 179 in the New. That sure doesn’t seem to compare with the numbers we have just been looking at. Maybe the concept of love in not important. Maybe God doesn’t understand love as well as we claim to. The fact is, the Apostle John say he not only totally understands it He actually is love itself, “…God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God and God abides in him.” (1 John 4: 16b)

If this is true why are we so lost when it comes to expressing love in our movies, our songs and even our lives. Maybe it has something to do with the last part of that verse. It says “…whoever abides in love abides in God…” and if you do so “…God abides in him.” To live in love, we need to live in God and then he will live in us. But to completely understand that we need to back up a verse, “Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him and he in God.” (1 John 4:15) True love, what the Bible calls agape love, is shown in Jesus Christ. When we accept Him then we can partake in the pure love that is from and is God Himself. God’s love is not stuff of movie and song. It is the real thing!

And we come to know that love when we see the extent that God has gone to save us. “God so loved the world that He gave his only Son, that everyone who believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. God did not send His Son into this world to condemn the world but to save the world through Him.” (John 3:16-17) But is knowing this enough?

We can see the love of God as shown in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. But it is not enough. Jesus said, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to make our home with them.” (John 14:23) It seems contradictory to love as we portray it to be based on obedience but not when we understand the triune God’s form of love. The son obedient to the Father, The Holy Spirit obedient to the Son and the Father willingly sacrifice His beloved Son. Each willing to serve the other. Love in its purest form.

Ok then, can we hope to have this kind of love? Not alone. Jesus promised us the Holy Spirit and about that Apostle Paul speaks of the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5: 22-23. On top of the list of gifts the Spirit offers to us is, love. The thing is that these fruits have been misunderstood as characteristics that believers can manufacture in their lives. But remember they are called “Fruits” which mean they can grow in us but not by our own striving but by the power of the Holy Spirit. The fruit of love may be the best example. We cannot produce the type of love God desires without the leading and the strength of the Holy Spirit. It takes surrender and prayer. But the cool thing is we can have real love that changes our lives. It is the real “Love Story” and it is found in the cross of Jesus Christ.

There most certainly have been a ton of movies and songs written about love. But one song I know might express a love that is beyond our ballads and show us love in its essence, called: “How deep the Father’s Love for Us” by Stuart Townsend, let me end this with one verse:

How deep the Father’s love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss-
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory.

That is the love that saved a wretch like me. May today I share it with you.

Blessings John
9/25/17

As I write today I am in a reflective mood. This is my last blog for the year 2017. RuthAnn starts her Christmas break on Friday and we are going to spend the holidays together and with family.

As I said I am in a reflective mood. Looking back over the last year I have written 94 blogs and in each one I have endeavored to do two things: one was to share my testimony in a way that glorified God for His saving power through Jesus Christ. And two, encourage anyone out there who has struggles with addictions, that even a hard-core addict like myself can find salvation and a transformed life. We have a God who is able to do all things, and nothing is beyond His love. We can find strength to overcome in Jesus. As His Word encourages, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13).

Since April I have shared many stories from the life I led BC (before Christ). Some have been graphic, and some might say that I seem to be glorifying the life I once led. I can assure you that was never my intention. Every story was told to express the transforming power of both God and His Word. I have always wanted readers to know, “…the word of God is living and active, sharper than a two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and marrow and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12) And I endeavored in each blog to show what the power of the Word has done to change a man who was lost to sin and degradation to one saved in and by Jesus Christ.

It has been a labor of love sharing Jesus in this way with any willing to read. Writing a 1000-word blog three times a week can be difficult, and I have written them in many different environments and places. I think the most interesting was sitting in front of a tent while being an active member of a dinosaur dig in the wilds of Wyoming. But I have also wrote while cramped on an airplane at 30,000’ and while riding in a car zooming down I-75 in mid Georgia. But no matter where I was writing I was always in prayer for the Holy Spirit to open my heart and mind to sharing just what He wanted my writings to reflect. I like thinking about in as expressed in 1 Corinthians, “which things we also speak, not words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words.” (1 Corinthians 2:13) I pray I was always able to transmits this in my writings.

And now as a new year approaches I am contemplating a new direction for this blog. I believe God has called me to share my testimony and that will always be part of what I write. But I also believe that it is time that I write within more contemporary themes speaking less of the life once lived and more with what God is doing in my life right now and the miracles I see around me every day. I also hope to write more series of blogs on both the fruit of the Holy Spirit and the beatitudes. I believe in these lie the core of Jesus teaching and we can never share them enough.

One thing will be for sure, my burden for the lost and especially for those who struggle with addictions will always be front and center in the core of my writings. I can never express enough about Jesus’ power to save and encourage with His Word not my words, “Therefore He is able also to save forever those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for Him.” (Hebrews 7:25) That will always be my goal.

As this year ends, I want to thank any of you who have taken the time to read from these pages. You cannot know how it heartens and encourages me when I hear someone say your words have helped. While I am on hiatus I will continue to re-post the series of blogs I wrote on the fruit of the Spirit. They are some of my favorites and as I stated earlier we can never speak enough of their blessings.

So, as I leave you for this year I want to share my favorite blessing from the Word, “The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you, and give you peace. (Numbers 6:24-28).

A Merry Christ centered Christmas and all my love and prayers for you in the New Year. Come Lord Jesus. But if not before we meet again, may we see each other here soon.

Blessings John
12/13/17

The crowd of shoppers was overwhelming. Sitting in a mall bar, I looked out at all the people rushing from store to store, hands loaded with bags overflowing. I was thinking I probably needed to get out among them when I heard a voice say, “At least we are safe in here, a girl could get trampled out there!” I turned in my stool to see a pretty woman smiling at me. She must have sat down while I was daydreaming.

I smiled back and nodded but did not say anything in response. I was hoping she would take this as a sign that I was not interested in banter, but no such luck. “I hate this time of the year,” she said leaning closer to me. “it is a pain to have to fight these crowds, just to buy some lousy gifts most people will never use or end up re-gifting.” Again I smiled and nodded, now trying to figure a way to make an exist. She pulled out a cigarette and asked for a light, which I did. Determinedly she continued, “You don’t say much do you? I guess I understand. You wonder what is this woman doing. What does she want. Answer is simple. Just a break from the madness and a few good stiff drinks!”

At that I figured I might as well finish my drink and be polite, so I said, “I get that, is the reason I am in here too.” She smiled broader at that and said, “He does speak! Good! So why are you out battling the crowds? Buying a gift for the wife?” I nodded yes and said, “I hate mall and all the people, but this is the only place I can get the thing she wants. What about you?” “No to the husband. I am here buying gifts for my niece and nephew. Toys, you know, the Christmas plague.” Then she said something I was not expecting, “I love Christmas, but I hate what it does to all of us. I am sure Christ himself feels the same way. I find myself drinking more and crying sometimes for no reason. I wish l could go back to that simple time when I believed that Christmas was about something more than this, ya know?” She said waving her hand abstractly out at the passing crowds.

I was silent again, but as I looked at her, she began to cry. “Ahh no!” I thought. “I don’t need this.” But she must have noticed my concerned look and waved it away, “Don’t worry I ain’t going to blubber all over you. I just miss that I can no longer have Christ in my Christmas.” I nodded sympathetically but in my mind, I wanted to run.

Christ in Christmas. I see signs posted in people’s yards, “Put Christ back in Christmas!” My thought is did He ever leave it? Or have we become so lost in decking the halls that we left Him? I don’t want to get into the discussion of Christmas not being the actual time of the Savior’s birth. Most of us know that is true. But nevertheless, the facts of His birth are real and true, and it is a reason to celebrate even if we have the day wrong. So why is it so hard to keep Jesus in His own celebration? It comes down to where our hearts and minds are the rest of the year.

You can’t dust off your manger scene and expect it will draw you closer to Christ if you have neglected Him for the last 11 months. I mean, how many of us spend a month celebrating someone’s birthday if we really don’t know the person? If Christmas is going to have a deeper meaning, we need to know the man who’s birth we celebrate. And that is the gift He would love to give to us.

But if you want to begin to know Him today, how can it happen with all the clutter and noise of commercial Christmas? Well maybe you can start by absorbing these verses from the gospel of Luke, “And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” (Luke 2:8-11) I know even if you are not a follower of Jesus you have heard these words before. But read them again.

Then put yourself in that field. God’s messenger was so excited because he knew the miracle that had just taken place, Immanuel, God with us, had just been born. He had to share it! Finally, the plan, in place from the foundation of the world was happening. The joy of all heaven could not be contained, “And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” (Luke 2:13-14) What would have it been like to be among those shepherds? It had to be pure awe and joy! And that is the joy I want in my heart this Christmas because that is the joy that can last the whole year.

It is a reality that we cannot get away from the gift mania of modern Christmas, Amazon has made sure of that. But while you are shopping for the latest gizmo, take time to read God’s word. Absorb the gift God, in Jesus, has given to all of us, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes will not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16) Make a start right now to celebrating Jesus throughout the year! His gift to you is everlasting!

I left that woman crying in her martini, literally. I got out the door as soon as I could and never looked back. Today, I understand the pain she was feeling but know that sorrow can be washed away in a moment. Christ is still and always has been in Christmas. Maybe it was not December 25th, but I celebrate it with all my heart because, “For on to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” (Isaiah 9:6) He is my Christmas! May He be yours!

Blessings John,
12/11/17