Needing the Holy Spirit and His inspired Word more than ever

I didn’t write a blog on Monday. One reason was that it was Memorial Day but even more so is because I am really brain dead these days. Today is my 22nd radiation treatment and mostly I am doing pretty well. Still hanging in there and exercising every morning but feeling nauseous and fatigued has led to a kind of brain fog. So, if I skip a day here and there over the next three weeks forgive me.

The one thing about having cancer as a daily presence again, is that every day is a precious commodity. Not because I value this world as much as a used to but because I feel an urgency to do something everyday to share what the Lord has done in my life. It is the reason I feel blessed to write this blog and also why when I just cannot get it together I feel I missed an opportunity to do His work. Cancer is bad but sometimes the treatments are worse!

Last Saturday I was schedule to speak at the Oglethorpe, Georgia SDA Church. It is a great little church and I love to share with the good folks there. My problem was that the same brain fog that affects my writing seemed like it was going to prevent me from sharing my testimony and God’s Word.

When I got up Saturday morning, the nausea was worse than normal and as I did my devotionals I found I really was having problems concentrating. I was not feeling very confident that I could do justice to what I wanted to share, even though it was a topic I had shared before. As the time approached to leave for the church I felt miserable and was seeking a promise that would keep my faith strong when I was weak in body and God’s Word had what I needed, “My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:26) I would need to trust that more than ever!

I think what is so amazing about God’s Word is that it is sufficient. I have always been a veracious reader. At one time I read two or three books a week. But through all those years I avoided reading the Bible. I mean, I sought out self-help books and read inspiring autobiographies. I followed fictional characters in book after serial book. But thinking back on literally the thousands of books I read nothing compares with the Word. And of course, there is a good reason for that, “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness.” (2 Timothy 3:16) And when it speaks of inspiration, I think of the Holy Spirit. I knew last Sabbath that is who I needed to inspire and uphold me in sharing the Word He inspired.

Now don’t get me wrong. Every time I am privileged to share whether it be in front of one or hundreds I seek the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. But last Sabbath was different and maybe in a way better. The one thing I knew for sure was I was not going to be able to speak coherently so this time I would have to surrender all to Him!

When the time came for me to speak, I had kept that verse from Psalm 73 in my head and said a silent prayer, really I think it was one word, “Help!” As I stood at the podium the nauseousness subsided and I could feel the Holy Spirit filling me with the strength I was going to need to share His Word!

I cannot tell you what I shared, I remember some of it. But as always happens when I can truly surrender to the Holy Spirit most of what I said does not come from me and that is one of the coolest feeling I have ever had. I say the words, but He inspires it all. I am humbled to think it is close to what happened to writers of the books of the Bible!

I can only thank the Lord for His Word and the continuing inspiration of the Holy Spirit. I know that for the remainder of my radiation treatments I will need to rely on Him totally. Maybe that is the hidden blessing in all of this. That today and everyday from now on I can testify His Word and His grace is sufficient, “…My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) May all of us rely on His strength to make us strong today.

Blessings John

5/30/18

Whatever the cost…Jesus paid it willingly

  1. What is the cost? When I was involved in selling drugs that was always the bottom line. It was pretty basic. The lower the upfront cost the more profit. And to get this done people were willing to cheat lie and maybe even kill. I found out how this worked when I was offered a better deal than my guy by one of his competitors.

I had been cornered into dealing because I had accrued a larger debt than I could cover. The guy I was buying my speed from was always after me to deal to the crowd I hung around with, ‘open up a new branch’ was how he put it. But as long as I was able to stay even with my drug costs, I had no interest in dealing. Unfortunately, the time came when I was doing more and floating on credit, never a good thing to do with a drug dealer. Soon he had me just where he wanted me, thousands of dollars owed and no way to pay.

In a way I was given an offer I couldn’t refuse, deal or die. Sounds pretty dramatic but you would have to know my dealer. There was no doubt he was capable of killing or at least I thought so. So, I began my reluctant career in drug dealing. The first thing I learned was it was all about the bottom line, what was the cost.

At first, I had no part of the buying on large scale. I was given what I could sell plus enough for my nose. But within 6 months, I was going on ‘buys’ with my guy and this is where life got bad or maybe I should say worse. His idea was to have me make the deals and he would stay in the shadows. If the buy was a setup or a sting, I would go down, he would be free as a bird.

What he never figured on was that I would have the guts to cheat or steal from him. But where drugs and taking care of my habit were concerned I was willing to risk more than he knew. Soon I was making side deals with his sources buying on credit and getting more profit. It worked good for a while but as always happened in the drug world, someone rolled over on me and I was caught in between a rock and a hard place, stuck between two nasty drug dealers. I had found when basing my very existence on ‘what is the cost’ all was in jeopardy.

As I was thinking about writing today that phrase ‘what is the cost’ kept running through my mind. I knew in my life at one time I was willing to risk it all just to keep my drug demons appeased. In the strange way my mind works it brought me to the foot of the cross and there asking the question, “What was the cost to our Savior?”

His wasn’t the need for self-gratification. His was all about our salvation, “…the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve and give his life a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28) Is that easy for you to understand? It sure wasn’t for me. God’s cost, His bottom line was whatever it took to save us, He was willing to do, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

When I think of my life and the terrible things I have done, and I try to wrap my mind around the idea that Jesus would have paid the same price on the cross just to save me, I am more than humbled I am astounded. Here is what C.S. Lewis wrote: “When he died in the Wounded World He died not for men, but for each man. If each man had been the only man made, He would have done no less.” (Perelandra 1943) The cost was all heaven for one sinner!

Back then my desire to cheat the bottom line ended up with me on the run from not one but two drug dealers. I was willing to pay the price for my addictions but not the ultimate. I am blessed to know that I have a Savior who was willing to pay it all even for a sinner like me. But not only that, “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” (2 Corinthians 5:21) Jesus became sin on the cross so that I could spend eternity with Him. He offers the same to you today. It makes no difference what you have done or not done. He has already answered the question, “What is the cost? And He was willing to pay it!

Blessings and Happy Sabbath,
John
5/25/18

Moments of doubt and unbelief… turn to the Word!

I was wondering if I will ever get to a place where my faith is so strong that I stop anticipating trouble is around every corner. I still worry things to death! I want to trust and believe all will go well and that the Lord has me covered but it never holds up when I am under pressure.

I think the best example of this was the year I was trying to decide if I should retire from business that I had been in for over 40 years or just keep working. It was a tough decision. I mean, the money was good, and I could work out of my house, never going into the office. On the other hand, I knew that the work I was doing was keeping me from a closer walk with God.

The problem was as a project manager, I had to tow the company line, even if that meant stretching the truth. I was fine with this when I was hired on in 2002. In fact, I was proud of my prowess as a liar and my ability to keep a ‘poker face’ in any meeting where I would have to lie. And I had done it well for over seven years until I had come to the Lord and found this put me in a bind with my company and what they required out of me.

So, from the beginning of 2016 I knew I had a decision to make. I was blessed to have several good friends to confide in. But I just could not accept the idea of giving up the security the job offered even after many advised I should. For the first three or four months I went back and forth. I would pray and seek guidance from the Holy Spirit then sit at my desk and do whatever was required. It was like l had a split personality.

Then in May I started talking to this woman from Georgia. For some reason I felt right away I could confide in her. I would give her all the reasons I should not retire and from the beginning she would have only positive feedback. The more we talked the more I could see that I was allowing my worldly desires to overpower the trust I should have in God. It took a lot of prayer and RuthAnn’s strength and support, but I did walk away from that job and it has allowed me to draw closer to the Lord.

That should have settled it for me, don’t you think? Taking that leap of faith which didn’t end only with retiring but remarriage and moving to Georgia all at once. Here I am a year and one half later and even though God has proven faithful in all that has happened, I still struggle everyday with trusting Him when I have a decision to make.

The difference now from when I didn’t walk with the Lord is, I may struggle but even in my moments of faithlessness I can turn to God’s Word and find something to grab onto. So Today I want to list some verses I look at in those moments that have helped me:

“I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate,” (Romans 7:15) What I love about this verse is that it is written by a great man of faith, Paul. It helps to know that even he could end up doing the opposite of what he knew was right. I find strength in that when I fail.

“Therefore, you shall be perfect just as your Father in heaven is perfect.” (Matthew 5:48) Maybe you think this is a strange verse to look at when I am lacking faith. But the truth is, it makes me realize I can’t ever be perfect unless I turn all things over to Jesus. And that is just what I don’t do when I lack faith. I need the reminder.

“Immediately, the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24) This one is rather obvious. I repeat this often when I am in the depth of my doubt.

“Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.” (Mark 16:16) I like this verse because it reminds me that there really are only two choices, believe and be saved or don’t. The simplicity of this is often my convincer!

There are many more, but I use these most often to help to turn my natural negative self to the positive. I am blessed also now that I am married to that positive force who helped through that year of doubt. God knew what He was doing when He connected me with RuthAnn! I pray today if you are struggling with unbelief today one of these verses might help. Whatever you do don’t let the moment get you down, He is there to pick you up. Thank you Jesus.

Blessings John,
5/23/18

Solid as the Brooklyn Bridge…Jesus our rock

I don’t know if you have ever read about the building of the Brooklyn Bridge. I am a construction nerd so have spent many hours reading about this unbelievable structure. The most amazing thing is that this bridge was designed in the mid-eighteen-hundreds and completed in 1883 long before the time of commuter cars yet it stands strong 135 years later. Did you know that over 125,000 cars a day cross this venerable structure? How could something built so long ago still be able to endure? Well before I answer that I must give you a little history.

The idea of a suspension bridge spanning New York’s East River was the brain child of a man by the name of John Augustus Roebling around the year 1852. Roebling had already built lesser bridges of this design in various locations including Cincinnati and across the Niagara River Gorge. But none of them would match the challenges of the bridge proposed for New York. This one would be longer and with a greater span between the towers. It took years to convince both the communities of New York and Brooklyn that it was even feasible.

But by 1867 the funds were in place and soon the surveying for a sound location began. It was during the final stages of this that tragedy struck. John Roebling along with his son Washington were laying out the last markers when John’s foot slipped and was crushed between a sea wall and a ferry boat. Tetanus was the result and he died in 1869. This left the project to be headed by Washington. And though the backers were skeptical construction began in the same year.

There are hundreds of feats of engineering I could regale you with but for this short blog I am going to focus on the foundations of the towers. Remember that we are in the year 1869, there are no safe methods known to dig a foundation below a river deep into its river bed except a concept rarely used called a caisson. What this was in that early time was a huge wooden structure like a room without a floor. All along the edge of each wall was an iron cutting boot. A shaft was attached to the roof so men could enter in and out and another to allow a steam tugger to bring out the dirt which would be dug out by hand.

Literally hundreds of men would spend month upon month digging into the riverbed with pick and shovel as the weight of the tower that was being built at the same time forced the caisson to sink slowly into the soggy earth. They encountered so many problems. Huge boulders that needed to be blasted away inside the caisson. Air locks that didn’t function as built. But the most mysterious and deadly was an illness called the “caisson disease”. Many men were crippled for life including Washington Roebling and others died from what we know now as the ‘bends’. What they didn’t understand then was that men coming out from the pressurized caisson too quickly had gas bubbles that formed in the blood leading to a myriad of problems.

Yet through all or in spite of it eventually both tower caissons came to rest on bed rock. These men had done the impossible but because of their work and the amazing engineering of both John and Washington Roebling, the Brooklyn Bridge will stand for as long as man cares to use it. The thing was both men knew what we all should, “Start with a solid foundation and you are guaranteed success.”

Jesus spoke of this very same idea at the end of the sermon on the mount, “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like the wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the wind blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them to practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain fell, and the wind blew and beat on his house and it fell and great was the crash.” (Matthew 7: 24-27) If we build our lives on Jesus, then He is our rock, He is our foundation. We will stand strong and nothing can bring us down.

I love the analogy of Jesus as our rock. I spent most of my working life as a concrete reinforcing Ironworker and worked on many foundations, some so massive they were 20’ thick! But one thing is for sure large structure or small, all were supported on bedrock one way or the other. That is what was missing in my life before I accepted Jesus. Today I know His words and base all I am on them.

Maybe now when you need to find an image of Jesus you can hang on to, the solidness of the towers of the Brooklyn Bridge will come to mind. And if I have peaked your interest in the saga of its construction try reading “The Great Bridge” by David McCullough, it is a fascinating read. Or at least it is to a construction nerd like me.

Blessings John
5/21/18

A Lesson Learned in Jesus

I was woken from a stupor. There is no better way to put it. For a moment I was not sure where I was. I sat up and looked around me, shaking my head to be sure I wasn’t dreaming, it seemed like I was on one of the pool tables in the Tumwater, Washington bar I had been drinking in the night before.
I was about to swing my legs over the side when I heard a voice behind me, “You and that friend of yours sure enough tried to mess my place up last night!” I spun around and there he was about 5’ away with his arms crossed and he did not look happy. Clearing my throat, I said through dry lips, “Hey Gene, I am not sure what went on last night, but I am sorry if I did any damage.” He just looked at me and shook his head, “Maybe you should get off my pool table and come out here.” He said over his shoulder as he headed into the main bar room.

As I lowered my legs and stood up, suddenly, I felt like a truck had just run me over. Leaning back against the pool table, I noticed that my shirt was torn and had a lot of blood on it. Once I regained my equilibrium, I followed Gene. What happened last night, I thought. Trying to clear my head.

Once in the bar room, I could see that the place had been half put back together, but you could still see the signs that there had been some trouble. Near the door stood a couple of chairs that were broken and looking behind the bar one of the mirrors had a crack in it. Glass was still scattered across the floor and the more I looked the more damage I could see. And there in the middle of it stood Gene, looking at me as if I had done all this.

I am sure most of you have never woken up in the morning without any idea of what you had done the night before. But I am also sure that there are a few of you who know the feeling. I unfortunately know it all too well. I think it is best described like waking from a dream but not exactly remembering what the dream was about. Feelings of fear and guilt always accompany it. Then will come the reckoning. Facing the reality of what you have done under the influence of alcohol and or drugs. Most of the time it is never pretty.

I must admit that when I was young I was attracted to the ‘freedom’ drinking and drugging gave me. Without inhibitions I did things I would have never done sober. And I thought that a lot of it was funny and cool. But what I never thought about was the consequences to others and even to myself, and there always were consequences.

Most of the time I considered them minor. Maybe I had driven drunk and ran a few red lights, but no one had gotten hurt and I hadn’t been caught. No harm, no foul. I had been blessed to never harm or kill anyone while driving under the influence, thank you Lord! But what about the time I fell asleep while driving a company truck and hit the curb blowing two tires and bending one of the rims. That time I had lied and told the company I had been run off the road. That cost the company hard earned cash. Or the time I smacked my car into a bridge driving drunk from Elma, Washington to Aberdeen. I lost my insurance over that one and paid through the nose to drive from then on. And that is just driving.

Reckless actions while under the influence were common. Crazy stunts and bar fights. Having to lie and cheat just to make up stories of why things happened as they did. Most or all cost me money, time and relationships. But I was willing to pay the price or maybe was unwilling to face the truth. And the truth was and is for any of us that live under the influence is we cannot live a life of integrity while it controls us. Have you ever read or heard this verse, “Wine is a mocker, strong drink is a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise?” (Proverbs 20:1)

The thing is God has a better plan and I never knew it until I truly found freedom. No not the freedom I sought in the bottle. That was a lie. The freedom I found is in knowing I have been saved from myself, “But God proved His love for us in this: While we were still sinners Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) Believing that and trusting that is true freedom because, “. If the Son sets you free you are free indeed.” (John 8:36) I did not need substances to be released from my inhibitions, just Jesus.

The truth really hurt that day as I stood in that Washington bar room. As Gene told me of my exploits, I was embarrassed but more than anything wanted to escape. I had been loud and obnoxious, started a fight which caused the damage. Sometime in the melee that ensued I had been knocked out and thrown on the pool table. The damages would cost me more than $1000.00 and worse I was banned from the bar for at least a month. I wish I could say I learned my lesson from this, but it is not true. Many more ‘incidents’ would happen. Today I am blessed that God allowed me to survive. I am sorry for the trouble and pain I caused and seek to help others to see a better way. There is a better plan and His name is Jesus, the way, the truth, and the life.

Blessings and Happy Sabbath,

John
5/18/18