Month: November 2018

There was a lot of people in the store. Of course, that was no surprise it was only two weeks until Christmas. Even so, it was more crowded than I would have expected. Getting to the department where I needed to be was going to be a chore. As I pushed my way through the oncoming mass of bodies, I was glad I had fortified myself with a few whiskey and cokes in the bar down the street before heading into the mall. Facing this sober was not something I was ready to do.

I had put off shopping for Christmas as long as possible. I was a real guy when it came to spending time in stores. I normally was in and out in minutes but that was not going to happen today and that was distracting. My eyes were on a store directory as I headed toward the escalator and I did not see the woman come at me overloaded with packages. She evidently did not see me either and as we collided parcels and packages scattered into the ever-moving crowd, some being trampled underfoot.

Not realizing what had happened and some what befuddled by the alcohol I had consumed, I reacted in a way that made matters worse. I lost my balance and ended up sprawled on the floor surrounded by her stuff and in danger of being trampled myself. As I fell I heard a woman’s voice shriek obscenities followed by, “Look what you have done! My packages!” More obscenities. My only thought was with a mouth like that she must be a trucker or maybe an Ironworker. And as I righted myself I came face to face with her and she looked at mad as she sounded.

She pushed me away still cursing and reeled into the milling crowd trying to recover her ever spreading packages. I made an effort to do the same but soon stopped as I heard the woman say, “Stay away from my things! This is all your fault! My Christmas is ruined and this is all your fault!” With this I turned and moving as quickly as I could headed for the nearest exit. I don’t know how I made it out without causing more problems but when the cold air finally hit me, I breathed it in and wanted just to run. I was embarrassed, confused and could only think how badly I needed a drink. Where was that bar? Regaining my bearings, I knew my car must be parked on the other side of the mall and I had two choices one was to walk bar through the store or walk all the way around in the bitter cold. I chose the cold.

With my head down, I found that I was crying. “What the heck is going on?” I thought. But I could not stop myself. Stopping in the middle of the sidewalk of this busy mall I stood sobbing. Absorbed and oblivious I did not notice a young man had stopped close to me until I heard his soft voice kindly ask, “Sir, …. Sir, is there something I can do for you? Do you need help? Sir….??” Looking up through the continuing tears my embarrassment was now complete, I wanted to turn and run but for some reason I just couldn’t, so I said with all the bravado I could muster, “No…no, I am fine. It has just been one of those days.” Trying to make light of it I continued, “Five or six stiff drinks and the world will be a great place to be once again.” The young man with even more concern put his hand on my arm and said something that normally I would have recoiled from but at this moment it seemed to bring comfort. He said, “Sir, can I pray for you?” Amazingly I said yes. And right there on a busy sidewalk over 40 years ago, I was rescued by prayer.

The world has changed a lot since that Christmas season so long ago. I have been transformed by many prayers of others since that day. But that day with that young man was special and so needed. I cannot remember the words he said. But I do remember that unlike so many times that I had rejected and scoffed at such outreaches, this time I felt a peace and comfort. And I left that encounter blessed, even though I did not know it.

So, what does it all mean? Did I leave there transformed? No, I went back to my reality almost immediately. So why was that encounter important? I think the simple answer is and was that we serve a God who loves us so much that he even reaches out to those far from Him to comfort and bring peace. And if we who know this are willing and have a holy boldness, like that young man, we can be the instrument He uses.

At this time of the year so many are struggling with the issues the Christmas season brings. It is a time when we can reach out to others in ways that will maybe lessen the stress and strain. A simple word or gesture. Or a prayer. Like the apostle Paul tells us, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4) It is what I am seeking to do over these next weeks and into the new year.

I never saw that young man again. Sometimes I think he might have been an angel. But no, I think he was just a man who saw another in need and like Jesus he loved in a way that brought the joy the Savior brings. I don’t know what would have happened if he had not, but I am sure of what happened because he did. I did not drink myself into a stupor that night. For one night I was free and the memory of it still blesses me today. May I do that for another and I pray you will too.
Blessings and Happy Sabbath,
John
11/30/18

Remy was there when I arrived. He had called me about an hour before and asked if we could meet at the bar on Tumwater Boulevard and I had reluctantly agreed. I was not sure why he had wanted to talk to me. We had never been close, just two people who hung around with the same people and partied at the same after-hours parties. Why was he now calling me and almost pleading that I come to meet him?

As I pulled up a barstool next to his he did not turn or acknowledge my presence, just looked straight ahead, staring at his image in the mirror behind the bar. I nodded to Jones the bartender and he brought over a mug of beer. As he did, he gave me a secretive glance, with raised eyebrows and a slight nod toward Remy. I took this to mean that things had not been going well before I had arrived, and Jones expected me to do something, but what? What was going on?

Finally, Remy said in a tone so low I had to lean into him to hear, “What has been going on between you and Becky?” I pulled back, as if he had hit me, trying to comprehend what he had just said. Me and Becky? Everyone knew that Remy and Becky were together and most assumed it was a solid thing. I was one of them. Yeah, I had kidded around with her at parties, we seemed to have the same sense of humor. There was that one time she had asked me to take her home when Remy was so out of it he could not do so. But I had never put a move on her. So, what was this about?

He slowly turned his head toward me and now was glaring directly at me, as if his steel grey eyes could penetrate my thoughts. Remy was a big man, about my height but had at least 50 pounds on me. He now was using that large presence to intimidate me, and the truth be told, it was working. The best I could do was stammer an indefinite answer, “Becky, there is nothing going on between me and her, I…” stuttering some more continued, “…I don’t know what you have heard but there ain’t nothing.” With that I spread my hands out in a confused gesture and tried to give him a placating look. But Remy leaned in even closer.

Now with his face almost touching mine he whispered, “Last night someone saw her leaving your place at around midnight, so I am going to ask you again. What is going on with you two?” He must have saw the confused look in my eyes and the absolute horror that I was being set up, because he backed away for a moment. As he did, I went into my ‘the other guy did it’ mode, “That did not happen, man! I said with total indignation. “Becky has never been to my place unless you brought her there, who is telling you this stuff?” Pausing to see if he was buying it, his eyes were still filled with anger if maybe now tinted with a small bit of doubt. He looked around as if he was trying to find someone and as his gaze landed on Earl, I knew I had been set up for sure. Earl, I and four other Ironworkers shared the same apartment and now I was getting the picture, my best friend had been messing with Becky and he was about to let me take the fall.

Betrayal. I don’t think there is a more painful feeling then when someone you trust betrays and breaks that sacred bond of any relationship. For me it has happened more than once. But I must also admit I have done so with friends and family, even my own son. I was never able to admit this as long as I lived a life without Jesus. I think I always felt that it was just the way of the world. Kind of a dog eat dog thing. But as I have spent more and more time in the Word of God, the word betrayal has taken on a new meaning.

From the book of Genesis to Revelation man’s betrayal of God is exposed in so many stories. From Eve and the snake through Judas’ kiss on the cheek of our Savior, we as a people have betrayed one another and even worse the God who created us. And the problem is none of us are innocent of it.

The apostle John says this, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” (1 John 1:8) Sin is a betrayal of the love and grace our God and Savior has bestowed on each of us. But it does not have to be this way. We have been given a way to stop the betrayal and live a transformed life, if he can find ourselves humbled at the foot of the cross. Today can be different.

The book of Galatians puts it this way, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20) If I am willing to find this truth in my life today, I will no longer desire the sin and betrayal. I may slip but this is where I want to be.

Years ago, in that bar I returned the betrayal of my friend by making sure Remy knew who his girlfriend was really playing around with. Earl and Remy took it to the streets and it was a bloody affair. Things between Earl and me were never the same and soon I moved out. We never talked again. Betrayal and lies had ruined whatever friendship once had. I am blessed today that I do not have to do the same in my relationships with either man or God. Jesus has already accepted my betrayal on the cross and knowing that changes everything.

Blessings

John

11/28/18

I was surrounded by loving family and friends yesterday. It was a wonderfully typical Thanksgiving Day. In the morning there were people watching parades and other holiday events on television. RuthAnn and I went out with her son and daughter-in-law to do some fall yard work. That seemed so appropriate on the greatest of fall holidays. Later there was a family meal. If it was not as traditional as most Americans, we ate vegetarian, it was delicious, loving and fun filled as any table in the country. Add in a little football and family activities, it was a day I will remember!

But as I sat there surrounded by this abundance both spiritually and physically, other Thanksgivings crept into my memory. As they did, I tried to reckon how many of these holidays I had spent in such a peaceful, warm environment and how many in cold, hollow places. The first I recalled were the five years or, so I spent with my church family in Grants Pass, Oregon, sharing this day with those less fortunate at our ‘Soup Kitchen Thanksgiving’ meals. I knew that tradition had continued on without me and I felt a pang of loss of not being there. I heard later 88 folks had been fed this year. Many good memories stay with me from those times. But as soon as I scanned through those years, other not so loving and warm scenes came to mind. Lonely, cold years spent in dimly lit bars. I wanted to push those thoughts away. I shouldn’t have opened that door. But now it was, I saw myself, sitting at a bar in Provo, Utah, full drink in front of me and yet I was so empty. It is always strange to me, how those memories are so vivid. I have forgotten or mislaid so many other warm, loved filled days. But ones like this one stay. I think it is God’s way of reminding me how far He has brought me and yet how close I am to being back there, again.

That day was as close to suicidal as I guess I have ever been. My second marriage was on the rocks. My wife had just told me a few days before that she thought I should move out. Now, once again, I found myself living in a dingy motel room I rented by the week. Eating meals of macaroni and cheese out of a box, washing it down with a whiskey and coke. I had gotten to the bar right after it had opened, hoping that my wife would be there too, she didn’t show. So, I sat watching the Macy’s parade and felt all hope for a ‘normal’ Thanksgiving Day vanish. I also knew all hope for me to find love, joy and peace were gone… “Hey Barry, bring me another drink and keep them coming!” He had nothing better to do. Flashes of that day kept coming back to me yesterday, as I sat at a table with loving banter flowing around me. In some ways, I felt out of place. What if I told everyone what was going on in my head? I didn’t, I couldn’t, the thoughts were too dark.

I recalled how as that day progressed long ago, more of the lonely and lost came to the only place they felt accepted. I drank among them but not with them. More bitter trying to imagine what my wife was doing. Was she having Thanksgiving with the family or was she out drinking and partying with her friends. I was angry and hurt, so did not want to hear any of the pathetic sentiments that were going on around me. If one more person wished me a “Happy Thanksgiving!” I was going to smack them. By late afternoon I was drunk and so morose I could no longer be around people. I walked back to my motel room 4 blocks away, passing by my wife’s house, a party was going on. I wasn’t invited. Head down, I finally opened the door to that depressing room and my only thoughts were of nothingness and death. How I did not end it all there is only by the grace of God.

A lingering sadness hung on to me for a short moment yesterday, as that day flashed before me. The anger, sadness and most of all hopelessness. But as the joyful conversation swirled around me, I was revived. As our friend Bill prayed the blessing, I could feel the burdens of that old pain fall away like an old coat. God was doing it again! As the shadow of that day dissipated, I knew I was truly blessed to be sitting around this table and belonging to this family, even as an adopted member. I had hope! I was surrounded by love that came from an unending source, the cross of Jesus Christ.

Today, just a day later, the residue of that past Thanksgiving is visible. But know it holds no power because of that hope. Sitting here I am reminded of these verses, “Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure. (1 John 3: 2-3) I have this hope as this holiday season begins. I will sit among family and friends again and maybe the reminders of lost days will come,+ but I will not worry nor be afraid I am child of God!

Happy Sabbath and Blessings
John
11/23/18