Self-control..

The woman in line seemed familiar. Of course, there were two people between her and myself and I had only seen her profile, but there was certainly something about her. The checkout line was long, and this didn’t seem to concern those in charge of the store, because no second cashier was being called to alleviate this situation. Normally this would irk me, but today my mind was occupied with the mystery woman in line ahead of me.

These kinds of instances seemed to be happening more frequently these days. I was sure some of it was just getting older, slower on the uptake. But most of it had to do with meeting people while under the influence. And seeing I was in that condition often, during my sober and lucid moments I had a lot of these ‘ghost’ memories. The scary part of this was I would never be sure if I had done something that was insulting or embarrassing while in the presence of the person, so I was always remiss in approaching them. In this case though it was she who approached me.

She had reached the cashier and was checking out. In the meantime, the store had finally saw the dilemma of their single check out line and called another cashier to the front. The two people in front of me must have thought their chance at quicker check out lie with the new cashier, so I was advanced to next in line behind the mystery lady. With all the commotion of moving grocery buggies she turned just as I pulled up behind her. I could see she recognized me also, but there was no humor in the recognition. Ahh oh, what had I done this time.

She returned her attention back to emptying her groceries on to the slowly moving conveyor and the cashier continued to ring up her goods. I tried to be occupied with the magazines lining the racks near the check out but every now and again stole a glance toward the woman. She finally spoke, “I can see you remember me, but I bet you do not even know my name.” I gave her my best innocent look, then tried looking behind me as if to say, “Are you talking to me?” She wasn’t going for it, “Yeah, John, I am talking to you. Do you remember my name?” This was not going well.

I stuttered a bit and then said, “Ahh, …well, it is right on the tip of my tongue but…” She humphed, and said, “I thought so. Even after we talked for at least two hours and I gave you my phone number. Is ok. I knew you were one of those kinds of guys. I am just glad I ran into you to confirm it.” With that she turned to the cashier who was pricing her last items. Paying her the cash and receiving her change she gave me one last nasty glance and headed out. I tried to think of something to say that would put me in a better light, something I could shout to defend myself, but nothing came. As I started loading my groceries on the belt, I could see the cashier had heard every word of our brief conversation and now she was also giving me the ‘you dirty dog’ look. Just another beautiful day in the neighborhood.

For those of you who have never over indulged or in the less politically correct terms, ‘gotten drunk out of your skull’, you might never have experienced something like I have just described. For me this incident was one of many. My problem with alcohol was that I could never drink one or two, I always drank for oblivion and I most always succeeded. Whole nights and sometimes whole series of days were lost in the fog that extreme drinking induces.

I am sure that there are people out there that can explain the physical phenomenon, but I want more to address the spiritual. One of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control. For those of you who are not familiar with these fruits here is the most popular list of them, “…the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22) Do you see that one right on the end, that is what I am looking at today. In actuality substance abuse, including alcohol, kills every one of these fruits. I could give you an instance when I lacked each one under its influence. But it is when I gave away my self-control to alcohol that all other things happened.

The amazing Book of Proverbs has several things to say about self-control and alcohol abuse here are just a few:

“Like a city that is broken into and without walls Is a man who has no control over his spirit.” (Proverbs 25:28).

“Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is intoxicated by it is not wise.” (Proverbs 20:1)

Both of these show the nature of those who have lost control to any substance. And I know that under the influence I have done things I still cannot recall and even worse things I recall that I can never take back.

So, I guess my point today is that those who say, “I can have just a few and it does not harm anyone.” My question would be, “Why do you need to have a few in the first place?” I am not here to judge just to testify that in the last almost 9 years I have had times where I have lost control but never given my control over to a substance. And even with age, I can look each person in the face and know what I have done or not done. And that is a good feeling.

I never remembered that woman’s name or even where we had the so-called conversation. I wish I could say it was the only time I had this kind of experience, but it was not. I like living where the only control I release is to the Holy Spirit, all the while seeking His fruit. I now know self-control is mine through Him!

Blessings John,
3/4/19

Author: John

Christian blogger