I looked at the mirror lying on the coffee table, there was nothing but speed dust left. Feeling around my pockets I couldn’t find the ‘sno-seal’ packet that the 8-ball of meth had been in. “Was it already gone?” I wondered. “That can’t be!” I mumbled to myself.
Looking around the living room there were still six or seven people still up. Most looked like I felt. Blood-shot eyes, that just could not seem to close. A constant rubbing of the nose. Tweaking and twisting. Every one of them high on my drugs.
I reached for the almost empty half gallon bottle of Black Velvet whiskey. Holding it up I thought, “You didn’t drink all this, did you?” I shrugged and took a long pull. I began to rummage around again, there just had to be more speed somewhere! Nothing! Going to the window I could see it was light, daytime. Looking at my watch, 8:20 AM. Sunday morning. If that was true, I had been partying for over 24 hours.
I had gotten up somewhere around seven Saturday morning. Still groggy from the drinks I had sucked down after swing shift Friday night. Right now, I had a raging thirst. Looking in the fridge, I found three bottles of Michelob and began to drink them in succession. Now I wanted some breakfast. But instead, I found myself calling my dealer. Soon I had an 8 ball and was ready to party.
He and I had met behind my favorite bar, made the deal, and went in as soon as it opened. From there it had been lines and whiskey. Somewhere along the line the party shifted to the house I shared with my friend Lani. Now I sat here, out of drugs and almost out of booze. I needed more.
For a moment I felt some remorse. Looking around at the people and my life I thought there must be more than this. But as always, the thought was fleeting. I had a thirst I needed to fill, and it was no time for a pity party. It was time to get right. That meant getting my high in the right place. I reached for the phone and called my dealer.
In my addicted life, I struggled with the concept of righteousness. Right for me, many times, meant keeping an edge. There was this thin line I would walk. Just enough drugs to keep me even with the extreme amount of alcohol I would be drinking. I called that being ‘right’. I was always seeking to be right with the world. It wasn’t until years later that I would see that there is no such thing. And there is no such thing because the world itself is not right nor is it righteous. That can only be found in one person, the righteous one, Jesus Christ.
That same Jesus said these words, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied.” (Matthew 5:6) Man, I have struggled with this verse! I mean, how can we hunger and thirst for something so far beyond our condition? How will that ever work out that we will be satisfied? As I began to see myself as I really was, all I could see was the impossibility of it. That is until I began to understand who Jesus is.
Listen to this verse, “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God through Him.” (2 Corinthians 5:21) This is one of the most mind-blowing verses in the Bible. Think for a minute what it says. Jesus BECAME sin on our behalf so that we could BECOME righteous through Him. If you can look at this and it does not affect you, check yourself for a heartbeat.
But maybe you are saying, “Nice words, but what does it mean?” Well it starts, as most things do, with faith. My first steps were to believe exactly what that verse says, Jesus took all my sin, my dirt and took it to the cross, dying under the weight of it. Once I could believe this, I could confess and feel His forgiveness. I gained a new heart, one that identified with his righteousness and want to live as He did. It is a miracle, for sure. But one He offers to all who believe. These words of Paul say it well, “For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith, as it is written, “But the righteous man shall live by faith.” (Romans 1:17)
When I believed, a strange thing happened. I found I no longer thirsted or hungered after my addictions. No, I cannot say they were zapped away. But that deep need for them was slowly replaced by the thirst for something so much more fulfilling, the living water. As I filled myself daily with God’s Word, I now longed to not just be satisfied myself but to share it with others.
Not so years ago. On that Sunday morning, I got caught up in a spiral of drugs and alcohol that eventually led to my entrapment in drug dealing. My hunger and thirst for substances found no relief. What once was a casual habit becoming a life style. And there is no end to the misery and pain it caused those I came in contact with and even myself. I type now with tears in my eyes. Some out of regret for the destruction from those years. But mainly, I cry for joy this morning and here is why. This sinner. This addict, dealer of pain and sorrow, has been given a free gift. It is called grace and through it and by faith, I am allowed to share in Christ’s righteousness. And the awesome thing is that I find myself hungering for more and today, I pray to share it with you. To tell you the miracle is available. If you can believe in Him who already died for you. He will make you right and righteous, all at once.
Blessings John
11/1/17