I was alone, that much I was sure of. As I lay in the darkness of the motel room that I rented by the week, I was not sure how I had gotten there. Looking at the red glow of the clock on the old nightstand I could see it was nearly 4:30, I assumed in the morning because of the darkness that surrounded me.
My mouth was dry, my tongue was swollen and it seemed like someone had thrown sand in my eyes. Feeling around for the old lamp also on the nightstand, I pulled its chain and the small bulb threw a yellow light into the room. I saw my car keys on the floor next to the bed, I also saw that I was fully dressed. “What day is it?” I mumbled. Sitting up I tried to think but there seemed to be just a hum and a haze where my brain used to be.
Lowering my head into my hands, finally some memories started to creep in. I was pretty sure I had gone to the bar. I was pretty sure that last time I remembered anything it was a Saturday night and I was not at all sure what else had happened. Getting out of bed I went to the window, pulling the flowered drapes aside enough to peak out I saw my car parked where it normally was. “Man, what did I drink?” or better question, “How much did I drink?”
I sat back down on the bed listening to the old springs creak, for some reason I began to cry. As the tears came, slowly shaking my head, thoughts of who I had become began to fill and haunt me. As the fog cleared, I could see it had been another Saturday night filled with enough alcohol to float a battleship. There had been lines of speed snorted down after being laid out on top of a toilet tank, in a dank bar bathroom. There had been violent words as the bartender ‘86’d’ me. And there had been me driving, so drunk and high that I had no idea why I was not dead or in jail. My shoulders slumped and I felt back on the bed. “This is my life and I hate it!” I cried out. There was no one to call, no one who cared. I was alone. The tears continued until I fell into a tormented sleep.
Have you ever felt so alone that you think there is no one else in the world? I don’t care how you got there. Maybe, like me, it was addictions. Or maybe you have suffered the loss of a loved one. Or maybe through illness or old age you find yourself isolated. So many other reasons. I have been there and know that it is one of the scariest feeling I have ever known.
My problem was that I could feel like that in the middle of a crowd. You ever experience that? Here I would be at some party, everyone is mingling and seeming like they are having a blast. But I would end up in a corner, drinking more and more trying to fill the void that was there and would not go away. Man, I tell you, it was the worst. But I lived like that even in my relationships and marriages. Something was missing. I always knew it. But I could never seem find out what it was. The reason for that was simple, I was looking for the answer in all the wrong places.
I know if you read this blog very often you might think I am redundant in referring to the power of the Bible. But, my friends, the truth is that it holds the answers to every problem we can experience. And so, it is true when you feel that you are alone, God’s Word holds the answer.
The thing is that from the day Adam and Eve fell to the temptation of Satan in the garden, God has made promises. But His promises are not like mine or maybe yours. God keeps every one of His. And the cool thing is that the Bible is filled with proof that He did and will always do just that.
Here is one I claim often, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) I came to believe God will do just that. Even so there have been just as many times of ‘aloneness’ since I began my walk with Jesus. The death of a spouse. A move to a strange city. Separation from my kids and family. The difference now from my lost years is that I now believe. I have read God’s Word and have seen His promises fulfilled within the Word.
But if I am being perfectly honest, that would have been good but not good enough. What really did it for me was I saw when I prayed claiming this promise God did just as He said He would. After my wife died, He sent one of His ministers to lead me into a prayer ministry, it was just what I needed at that moment. I was strengthened. I was upheld. When I moved to Georgia, yes it was strange. But I moved here to share a my life with a loving woman who understood how such a move away from family and friends can be isolating. I felt His righteous right hand, through my new bride. I felt safe and began to enjoy my new surroundings and challenges. So many other times I have tried this promise and He has answered me.
That is so different from a Sunday morning so long ago. I woke up later that morning feeling completely empty. By noon I was back at bar trying to fill the void with something I knew, even then, would empty me further. But I did not know the saving power of Jesus and His Word back then. Now I fill my life with it and trust in He who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Today if you are alone and feel the need to know there is hope, please pray the words of Isaiah 41:10, “Lord, I am afraid please do not leave me here alone. I am sad be my God of joy. Life’s challenges have weakened me, be my strength. Hold me up with your righteous right hand.” Try it today, my friends. He is waiting to do all of this and more in your life! Claim His promise right now.