Down but not out..in Las Vegas

Down but not out…off the street in Las Vegas
Las Vegas 4:00AM, one day the year 2000. Heading to the office early. It had been another hard night of drinking. Even Tropicana Blvd was quiet this early. Too late for the all night partiers and too early even for the compulsive gamblers. I was riding the bus because my driving privileges were taken away 6 months earlier, drunk and disorderly was the charge. Getting off the bus and I was walking the block to my office when he appeared, I took no notice just another street guy. We passed close by, all of a sudden a flash behind my eyes and blinding pain in my head. I staggered and fell to the sidewalk. What had happened? It came to me this guy had sucker punched me! As I raised myself, I barely saw through quickly closing eyes, him running and laughing his way down the street. No remorse, no cares. Just another victim of his anger.
I have thought of the incident many times. At first with rage and anger that this guy would just go through life hurting others with no provocation, I was an innocent victim after all! But later, after my life began to change I saw the parallels to my own life. No my victims did not end up laying on the sidewalk with two black eyes, it was much more subtle and the pain I afflicted was much more lasting. estrangement and abandonment in place of fists. definitely a killer one two punch. And there was so much more. Life without God’s moral law had allowed me to sucker punch my way through life, running and laughing without a care.
How was I going to be able to live with this once I saw my own path of destruction? I’ll tell you it was certainly the hardest part of my changed life because it entailed something I had never had to deal with before. Surrender. Learning that there really wasn’t anything I could do. No I could not take away all the years of abandonment issues my son now has. No I could not take back the people I had fired because they had the audacity to pray in my presence on a job site. So many other things, I was powerless! But I found in God’s word that is exactly where He wants us to be. Accepting the fact: “We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like filthy rags…” (Is 64:6). It was the first step, admitting I was a sinner. But the Word also gave me hope: “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and I will heal their land.” (Chron 7:14)
What I could start with a clean slate? No it did not mean that I was free from trying making right the wrongs I had done. Quite the opposite! I now wanted to do that. Seeking others forgiveness, humbly and with the knowledge that it was not because I deserved it, because I sure did not. But because He who died for my sins allows me that privilege.
I wish I could say today that it made everything right. It did not. My son still refuses to talk to me. Others think I am still playing some kind of game. None of that can deter me. For I find if I truly take to heart humbling myself and praying and seeking His face and turning from my wicked ways daily. The peace that comes from that is as good as it gets and it leads me to letting good works be done through me not because of me.
I like this quote from Dietrich Bonhoffer in his: Letters and Papers from Prison: “One must abandon every attempt to make something of one’s self, whether it be a saint, a converted sinner or a churchman….This is what I mean by worldliness taking life in stride, with all its duties and problems, it’s successes and failures, it’s experiences and helplessness. It is in such a life that if we throw ourselves utterly into the arms of God and participate in His suffering in the world and walk with Christ in Gethsemane. We will see that this is Faith and that this is what makes a human and a Christian.”
So if you feel you have sucker punched or delivered a few of those yourself, take heart.. Paul tells us the best news in Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Turn it all over to Him. He is our Healer, Deliverer and Friend.
Blessings
John
5/1/2017