“Why are we together?” Dianne said with tears welling. “You are never home and when you are. You are either drinking or sleeping. What kind of relationship is that?” I continued mixing a whiskey and coke. I looked at her trying to find a way to defend myself but all I could do was shrug my shoulders, hoping she and this conversation would just go away. No such luck, as she sat at the kitchen table, she said, “At least some women’s guys cheat on them with other women but not you, you are think you are faithful because you don’t go ‘catting around’ but everything and everybody is more important to you than me and our relationship!” I stared down at my drink.
The conversation had come about because on my birthday, Dianne had planned a party that was supposed to begin at around six but my crew had taken me out for ‘one drink’ that had turned into a dozen. We ended up hitting every strip joint along Sepulveda Boulevard in the valley. I did not get home until almost ten. She had thrown her birthday present at me and stormed off to bed.
Now it was the next night and as I sat down across the table from her, I sighed knowing I had to say something, “Ok, yeah, I go out with my crew and have a few drinks after work and sometimes I lose track of time. But I am not unfaithful to you! I just have a lot of responsibilities and need a few drinks to let go of the stress and strain. I am sorry I missed the party but I didn’t mean to.” I took a long pull from the whiskey and coke, hoping that would end the conversation but again no luck. She wiped her eyes and said, “We are supposed to be married in three months, but I don’t know anymore. How can I ever trust you? You are faithful to your job and your company. Faithful to your crew. But what about me?” I lowered my head and felt sorry for myself, how could anyone say I was unfaithful. I worked hard and never cheated people. I was the most faithful guy I knew!
I truly believed that in my ‘lost years’, I was the most faithful guy. I was faithful in my relationships, I mean I never had affairs. If I did lust after other women, I never acted on it. Yet one after another of my relationships failed. I was faithful to my employers. I worked hard and believed I made money for every company I worked for. If I did cut an hour here and there, I deserved it. If used the company credit card for partying when I was out of town, it was only right. I never understood why I didn’t stay with one company for more than a couple of years. I certainly was faithful to my crew members and friends. As long as they followed my orders and didn’t ‘get under my skin’. They would have a job and my friendship. But it seemed that few of them lived up to my standards. I lost crew members often and had pitiful few friends. I couldn’t see it, but in those years, I was only faithful to my addictions, they left little room for anything else. Then a miracle occurred. I opened the Word of God and I found a faithfulness and truth that changed me forever.
Everywhere I looked in the Bible I kept coming across verses like these, “But you, O Lord, are merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.” (Psalm 86:15) or “Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations.” (Deuteronomy 7:9) They sounded good but how did I know I could trust what is said?
Then I really got into listening and reading. I saw a pattern throughout the Old Testament. God was faithful and the people weren’t. But what did that mean to me today? It wasn’t until I connected with Jesus through the Word that I found an idea of faithfulness that was so radical, so over the top that I could not turn away and here it is, “God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)
When I got that. When I saw that all the times God made deals, covenants in the Old Testament. With Adam, with Abraham, Noah, Moses on and on, and the people kept turning away. When he spoke to them through the prophets, and they didn’t listen. He was still faithful. He had a plan. He would sacrifice His only Son. And did so, even while we were and are in our sin. When I fathomed that kind of faithfulness, that kind of love it changed me forever.
And like all of God’s characteristics. These fruits of the Spirit He wants to share with us. But faithfulness is special. When we agreed to a faithful relationship with God He see us as His bride, look at this, “And I will betroth you to Me, in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord.” (Hosea 2:20) Can you believe it? When we repent. We see God through the cross of Jesus Christ. We are allowed to know the Creator intimately. His faithfulness becomes ours. If that doesn’t change you, check and see if you have a pulse!
Dianne and I did get married. We spent years wallowing in our addictions. But in 2009 she heard the Holy Spirit calling. Returning to the faith of her youth, she led me kicking and screaming to a relationship with Jesus also. In 2014 she passed away. I am comforted to know she will be one of the dead in Christ that will arise and she will be with Him forever. I was blessed to be re-married last year. RuthAnn and my relationship is based on Christ’s faithfulness not ours. So I pray, is the rest of my life and my prayer for us all is, “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who has promised is faithful.” (Hebrews 10:23) Thank you, Jesus.
Blessings John
10/9/17