God saves the reluctant sinner…

“All I am asking is that you do not drink and disturb the Sabbath, she said with the passion she now held for that day. Anger welled up inside of me and I thought, “Why should I have to give up the only day of the week when I can drink in peace and party like the rest of the world does?” I raised my head to look at her and could see the sincerity and determination in her eyes and said, “I understand you want to have Saturday for your prayer time or whatever, but why do you need Friday night too. It is not fair, you know that is the only night I drink anymore.” She looked through me, because she knew that was a lie. I had been ‘sneak drinking” almost every night and thought I was hiding it well. I could see that was not the case, so sighing I said, “Ok, I won’t drink from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday but I am going to drink any other day of the week if I want!” She looked at me wearily, “John, you can do that if you want to, but I really think you need to stop. Maybe if you spent a little time reading the bible you would understand.”
This conversation between my wife and myself had been going on for weeks. I had agreed many of those weeks before to stop drinking and had agreed to, at least, open a bible and read before I criticized. But to no avail, as each time Friday approached I would have plans to drink and every time the subject of the bible came up I would go into full avoidance mode. Normally the conversation would go something like this; “John, I thought you might like to read this passage out of the Gospel of John. It is really interesting.” Immediately my defenses would go up and my response would be, “Not right now, I will look at it later. I am just too busy.”
But now as I sat on the couch across from her I could see that a decision had to be made. I felt so angry inside. This was not part of the deal. When we met over twenty years ago God wasn’t part of the equation but now a choice had to be made, would I stay and comply or run as far and as fast as I could. The question now hung over me like the weight of the world.
So many times, in life we come to places where God does not wait for us to knock. He, like in the story of the Prodigal Son comes running toward us. A clean robe ready, sandals for our feet and a ring for our finger. At that moment, all we have to do is say yes and all the grace God wants to give us is ours. My problem, like many is that if I accepted what I was offered it would mean something in my life would have to change. And wanting to hang on to what I cherished in this world heaven could have been lost.
Jesus spoke to this attitude when He told the parable of the Rich Fool, “…The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest. He thought to himself, “What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.” Then he said. “this is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones and there I will store my surplus grain. And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy, eat drink and be merry.” But God said to him, “You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself.” “This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.” (Luke 12: 13-21)
I didn’t value possessions, houses, or cars, but I valued myself even above the love of my wife or her need to return to God. My ‘barn’ that was I attempting to add to was my addictions. Feeding them at every turn, I stored up anger and resentment. Yet even in this God found a way to reach me.
You see, in the end, I could not read the Bible. But the Holy Spirit uses every tool. I had started walking about 45 minutes a day and had been listening to audio books. One day I down loaded the Bible and without really thinking about it started listening to it every time I walked. Within 6 months, my life began to change. There are many pages yet to write to explain the miracles that happened from that moment. But for today, I can testify, once God opened that door His grace was sufficient.
My late wife Dianne passed away of cancer in 2014. She is now sleeping waiting on Jesus return. I am glad she was able to know before her death that I had accepted the Lord and my life was on the right path. It was only the beginning of the story. But when I think of it, I say a silent prayer of thanksgiving for her persistence and also her prayers. And as I share my story, I am grateful for a God who loves me so much that He didn’t wait for me but ran toward me with rewards I did not deserve. How great is our God!
Blessings John
6/30/17