“You are leaving me no choice, here!” she called from the bedroom. I sat on the couch sipping on a whiskey and coke, silent. She entered the room looking down at me and said, “Did you hear me, I said that you are leaving me with no choice.” I looked up at her, shrugging my shoulders. I still said nothing. She glared at me for a few moments more, turned and went back to the bedroom to continue packing.
Her flight left for Hawaii in less than two hours and I could not find a reason to ask her to stay. We had been friends, roommates and in the last couple of months shared the same bed. But like almost all my relationships, I felt no commitment and she wanted more.
I took another long drink, staring at the amber fluid in my glass noticing most of the ice had melted. I tried to come up with some other emotion except relieve but it just didn’t come. I mean, I had no problem if she stayed, but don’t ask me for a commitment. It ain’t going to happen.
She re-entered the living room carrying two bags and had a purse over her shoulder. There was a honking coming from the street in front of the house. She said, “That is my cab. Are you going to at least say good-bye?” I got up and came close to her attempting to give her a hug, but she backed away saying, “You are a heartless man, John Weston. Someday, I hope you find what you are looking for! I hope you can find happiness!” Turning she moved quickly through the open door. As I looked after her, I thought, “Find what I am looking for? Happiness? I had no ideas what any of that meant!” Sinking back on the couch I finished my drink, looking at the empty glass. Tears began to flow and I didn’t know why.
If you are connected to any type of media today, you will be offered happiness on a regular basis. I just saw that there is another Powerball mania going on. The jackpot has reached around 365 million dollars and people are lining up around the block throughout this country buying tickets for a chance at true happiness. Yet we see so many times winner of these fortunes do not end up happy, some even end up more miserable than before.
Happiness also advertised to be found in escape. Gaming, millions do it to escape reality or create their own. Yet most find themselves trapped in a nightmare where they no longer know the difference. Many, like me, believe that alcohol, drugs, sex and even money can bring happiness. But like me many find themselves in a room crying and they don’t know why or maybe worse.
Long ago there was a man who believed happiness could be found in the things of the world. So much so that he was willing to take a job that would make him hated in his own society, he became a tax collector. He thought he was living the high life with lots of parties at the house. And if he did not have any friends among the religious right, he made up for it with friends that liked the same things he did. Things were pretty good. But there were times when he was alone when all the money and things money could buy just did not fill the void in him. Sitting there he could not figure out why the tears came. Yet they often did.
One day he was sitting at his collection booth. There was excitement down the street and it was coming toward him. As the crowd approached he looked up to see in the center of it all was a man he recognized. He had heard about this carpenter turned Rabbi, rumors were that he could heal with a word or a touch. Soon the crowd seemed to stop at his booth, was there going to be trouble. Was this man going to curse him like so many others. He was filled with fear until he looked into eyes that were so filled with love and compassion his heart felt peace like never before. And amid the turmoil around him, he heard the man say, “Come, follow me!”
He pointed to himself, “Me, you are asking me?” The man known as Jesus just smiled and nodded. In an instant, his life was changed. All the things that had been so important a moment before meant nothing. He found himself laughing aloud, as Jesus put his arm around him, the void that had engulfed him was gone. So much so that night he threw a party to introduce Jesus to all his friends. He wasn’t sure if Jesus would accept but there he was sitting among people most of the religious people in town wouldn’t even talk to. During the dinner, he heard some Pharisees had crashed the party and were trying to harass Jesus. They asked him what he was doing hanging out with a bunch of sinners. And to the amazement of his host Jesus said, “I came to save sinners, you guys think your already saved. I can’t do much for you. But it is the lost I came to find.” The tax collector, we know him as Matthew-Levi, went on to not only follow Jesus but share His story in one of the Gospels. His life forever changed.
I apologize if some of you take offense with the liberalities I have taken with the Gospel of Luke’s story of Matthew-Levi’s calling, but I believe it to be one of the most powerful transformations found in all the Gospels. If you haven’t read it you really need to check it out in Luke 5:27-32. Powerful stuff. Because like Matthew I lived a life where I placed all my trust in the things of this world. But unlike Matthew, I didn’t have that “ah-ha moment”, it took me much longer. Blessedly, the results were the same, I heard Jesus saying, “It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance. (Luke 5:31-32). I also heard him say, “Come follow me.” And like Matthew I finally felt peace and in that a true happiness that have changed my life. And like him, I can’t help but write about it.
Many years have gone by since I sat on that couch with an empty glass in my hands. More broken relationships and lost years to come. I never had contact with the woman after she drove away in that cab. I pray she found peace and happiness that can only come through He who died to save all. On the eve of this Sabbath, I offer that same pray for us all.
Blessings John
8/11/17
Happiness lost now found…
