Lost now Found

“Do-gooders, I am surrounded by do-gooders!” I barked slamming the receiver down. The call had been from one of the local churches ‘letting me know’ that they were taking up a collection for their charities and just knew I would want to contribute. I informed them that they might think they were doing a good thing but leave me out of it.

As I stared at the phone, I thought, “Why do people think they have the right to ask you to be part of their do-gooder campaigns, I don’t go to their church and I do not believe in their God. I am really tired of it all.

Lately, my partner was on me about attending his church with him. His big appeal to me was that ‘they do good works’. I had told him that I do all the good works that I need all by myself. After all I had just given money to St Jude’s and always supported things like the local food bank, at least once a year. I said, as I ushered him to the door, “You people just don’t get it. I don’t need God to do good things for others. I don’t need God at all.”

The facts were, our business was about to go in the tank and I really didn’t have time to be worrying about other people. If anyone needed charity right now it would be me. I grinned as I thought, “Yeah, what I need right now is a do-gooder campaign to help me out of this mess.” But I slumped back in my chair and filled my glass from the half-empty whiskey bottle on my desk. Nothing good was going to be happening to me any time soon.

Since I have become a follower of Jesus I have often been greeted with, “God is good, all the time.” Which I learned to reply, “All the time, God is good.” But like with many saying that involve the word ‘good’ I let the meaning of it follow the same path as, “Life is good”, “All is well and good”, and my all-time favorite, “Have a good day”. On and on they go. I could fill today’s blog with just ‘good’ sayings. But that is just the thing, when it comes to God being good and His goodness, it is no longer just a saying, it is the truth and should take on a life changing meaning. In fact, when we understand what God’s goodness is as shown in Jesus Christ, we can also find where our own real good and goodness are found.

In one of my favorite Gospel stories Jesus tells us through an encounter with a rich young man how all of us can partake in God’s goodness. Maybe you know the story. A young man came to Jesus and asked, “Good Teacher, what must I do to attain eternal life? And Jesus said to him “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.” (Mark 10:17-18) Jesus responds in this way not denying that He himself is good or is He angry that the he had been addressed as good. But to lead the young man to the true meaning of goodness and how he could attain it. Because right after this He says, “You know the commandments, ‘Do not murder. Do not commit adultery. Do not steal. Do not bear false witness. Do not defraud. Honor your father and mother.’” (Mark 10:19) The young man is stoked, and he says, “Teacher, all of these I have kept from my youth.” (Mark 10:20) He is sure he has it made, he knows he has been good. But Jesus wants him to go to the next level where God’s goodness can be found, “And Jesus looking at him, loved him and said to him, “You lack one thing; go, sell all that you have and give it to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven, and come, follow me.’ Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.” (Mark 10:21-22)

Does that mean we can only attain the goodness that comes from God if we give everything away and then follow Jesus? No but is does mean if we think we can ‘be good’ by just living a good life we are wrong. Jesus is trying to tell this young man and through him us, that goodness comes when we are willing to surrender all to God and let Him fill us with His righteousness and yes, goodness.

In the book of James, we read this, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” (James 1:17) In the previous verse, James urges his readers not to be deceived. Being sinful, it is easy for us to believe that we create good. But the truth is every good thing in our life is a gift from God. In the midst of trials, we are tempted not to believe this but when we look at all things through the cross we know that is has to be true. God is truly good because He is truly love and nothing evil exists where there is love.

When I realized this. When I was able to admit I did need a Savior and that only when I was willing to surrender all my junk to Him would I be able to find real goodness filling me through the Holy Spirit. Goodness that makes me want to laugh out loud. Also allows me to let the Holy Spirit work through me to serve others. Now that is what I call good stuff!

I have to smile and be a bit embarrassed thinking of my anger at ‘do-gooders’. I have asked forgiveness also. My only excuse is that without the His goodness in my life I see now how bitter I was. You cannot believe how blessed I am today and I want to end this saying, “God is good, all the time!” And I pray you can answer with a heart full, “All the time, God is good!”

Blessings John

3/3/20

“What is your problem?” I cursed under my breath and continued, “I ordered eggs over easy and these are as hard as rocks!” The waitress looked at me with tired eyes and said, “Sorry, I can take them back, if you would like.” I shook my head and raised my voice to be heard over the late-night Denny’s crowd, “Forget it, just don’t charge me for them.” She shrugged. I waved her away.

It was two-thirty in the morning and my construction gang and I had been drinking since we were ‘rained out’ at around noon the day before. As we sat around the table, I just wanted to go home and get some sleep but was talked into breakfast. We would all need to be on the job in less than five hours. This was going to be a lousy day.

After we finished eating and were heading to our cars, one of my crew stopped me. I had seen for most of the night that he had wanted to talk to me and now as he approached, I was in no mood for a heart to heart.

Bill drew close and said, “Boss, I don’t think I am going to make it to work today.” I could feel anger raising in me but held it in, waiting as he continued, “Sherry is supposed to go to the doctor today and she asked if I could watch the kids. You know we have been arguing over custody already and I don’t want to give her any more ammo when we go to court.” Bill and Sherry were separated and had two toddler kids who were now staying with Sherry, Bill wanted shared custody. But now I did not care about any of this, all I could think about was that this guy had stayed out drinking all night and now wanted to leave me high and dry. I got into his face, “Listen to me, Bill, I do not care about what is going on with your wife or your kids, I want you onsite in four hours unless you want to be sitting the bench looking for another job.” That line was full of curse words I won’t write here, I was so angry. Bill lowered his head and mumbled, “If that is what you have to do then, I guess it is. But I am asking for a little understanding and maybe a little kindness on your part.” At that moment I had neither. As I turned to get into my truck, I yelled over my shoulder, “Be there or be fired!”

“Kindness is a virtue!” I heard that a lot from my mother as a kid. “Be kind to strangers!” was another. But as I grew up in a world where I saw very little kindness, I found myself not living by either of those mottos. Once alcohol and drugs took control over my life, I found little room for what I considered ‘soft-heartedness’ that was for whimps, not tough guys like myself. I had number one to look out for….me.

Today, I look at the world and it seems most of us have come to this place, where kindness is not part of our everyday life. Yes, I see the random acts of kindness stuck on the end of the six o’clock news and the blurb on Facebook about the guy who saved five cats from drowning. But what I see most in the world are harried and angry people. Why is that?

As a follower of Jesus Christ, I find the answer might be simply we do not have enough of Him in us. The truth might be painful but I know in my life without Him through the Holy Spirit living in me I cannot have any of His fruits, including kindness.

Jesus in His lifetime exhibited all the fruits of the Spirit but I think His kindness stands out so amazingly, especially when we look at Him on the cross. Picture it, the Savior scourged and beaten spit upon, then brutally nailed to the cross. Yet what were His actions, His words through-out, let’s look.

To the world he said, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23: 34) To the thief who asked His mercy He said, “Today I say, you will be with me in paradise.” (Luke 23: 43) To an anguishing mother and most loved disciple He said, “Be hold your son, behold your mother.” (John 19: 27)

No random acts of kindness are these. No, these are the completion of a life so welled lived that every word written about His actions and words exude a kindness that not only changed the lives He touched then but continues to change every life He touched today.

But maybe you say, like I did years ago, “It was easy for Him, after all He was God, right?” I thought that until I read this from the book of Hebrews, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weakness, but we have one who has been temped in every way, just as we are- yet without sin.” (Hebrews 4: 15)

That means that I know there were times when the crowds were crushing him and seeking every want, the temptation was there to yell, “Leave me alone, I am tired, I need some ‘me’ time.” But Jesus didn’t, through the power of the spirit, his kindness never waned. The cool thing is we can have that power too, if we are willing to ask.

Jesus promise is here and available for you and me today, “And I will ask the Father and He will give you another advocate to help you and He will be with you forever, the Spirit of truth.” (John 14: 16-17a) Seek the Holy Spirit in prayer today. Ask Him when the urge comes to deal with other in unkind ways to give you the heart of Jesus. I know He will do it. He has done it in this old sinner’s life. He is waiting to do it in yours.

When I sped out of that parking lot at nearly three o’clock in the morning, every feeling of kindness was sapped out of my body by the addictions that controlled me. Bill came to work that day and we grew to be enemies, when one act of kindness on my part could have changed all that. I did not have Jesus living in me, no Holy Spirit to give me the fruits of life. I am blessed today to say I seek His living presence daily that I may show each person the kindness the Savior has shown to me. May you be as blessed, my friends!

Blessings John

“Where is he?” I mumbled while drumming my fingers on the steering wheel. It had been two hours since I had contacted my dealer. Now I had been sitting in my car at the agreed shopping center parking lot for over an hour.

We had been partying for two days and had already gone thru one ‘8 ball’ of speed. As I sat every nerve in my body seemed to be on edge. Grabbing the pint of vodka from under my seat I took a long pull, I knew everyone would be back at our apartment waiting for me.

I leaned back in my seat but could not get comfortable. “This guy always keeps me waiting!” I said aloud, slamming my hands on the wheel. I had lost any patience I had left. Opening the door, I leapt out and began to pace.

Checking my watch at what seemed like every 10 seconds. I looked up to see a red Vette pulling into the lot. I followed the car with my eyes as he slowly circled, checking for any sign of the law. Finally, he pulled up next to me. Slowly rolling down his window, he said, “Johnny, Johnny you look a bit on edge, what’s the problem?” With that he flashed me a wide smile, loving the drama of it. I lost it as I said, “Hey man, I have been sitting here for over an hour. You were supposed to be here at seven! What’s YOUR problem?”

The smile slipped away from his face to be replaced by a grin normally only seen in horror films. As I looked into his cold eyes I could see what was coming. “I said around seven, John Boy! You need to learn to be more patient. In fact, I think it is time for a lesson in patience right now.” With that the window went up and his car sped away. I looked on in horror, “NO, NO… I didn’t mean it.” I screamed at the fading tail lights. He was gone.

Maybe this isn’t an example of lack of patience any of you can relate too. In fact, I hope it is not. But one thing is for sure we live in a world that demands immediate gratification and when it does not happen. Most of us lose it.

With every step of progress over the span of history we find that advanced communication has not taught us to be more patient and loving. But just the opposite. We have become a people who refuse to wait on anything, to suffer a moment of so called lost time.

But how does this fit into a life of a follower of Jesus Christ? Can we, as it says in Ephesians 4 verse 2, live, “with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love.” If we spend every moment expecting immediate fulfillment of our every wish, I can’t see how. But I do believe there is hope.

The apostle Paul claimed that ‘longsuffering’ is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. But longsuffering is not a term we use to often in our day-to-day conversations so I thought I would add a definition here, “having or showing patience despite troubles, especially those caused by other people.” And maybe that is what we need in our everyday life, but as most of us will admit we need help to do so. We truly need the Holy Spirit.

The apostle Paul also tells us that lacking longsuffering or patience is tied to the lack of reading Scripture that we might ‘find hope’. “For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope. Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you liked-mindedness toward one another, according to Jesus Christ.” (Romans 15: 4-5) Many times I find these days when I am lacking patience, I know I haven’t filled myself with God’s Word as I should. And Jesus instructed us in the Lord’s Prayer that we needed to ask for our daily bread. I do not think that was only in reference to physical nourishment but spiritual also, prayer. Scripture and prayer daily cannot change the pace of the world around you but it can change the pace of the world within you. Spending time daily contemplating on what Jesus has done for us, I think can make a difference.

My favorite Christian writer, Ellen White, might have said it best, “It would be well for us to spend a thoughtful hour each day in contemplation of the life of Christ. We should take it point by point and let the imagination grasp each scene, especially the closing ones.”

The only defense against evil is the indwelling of Christ in the heart through faith in His righteousness. Unless we become vitally connected with God, we can never resist the unhallowed effects of self-love, self-indulgence, and temptation to sin. We may leave off many bad habits, for the time we may part company with Satan; but without a vital connection with God, through the surrender of ourselves to Him moment by moment, we shall be overcome. Without a personal acquaintance with Christ, and a continual communion, we are at the mercy of the enemy, and shall do his bidding in the end.” (Last Day Events Pg. 64)

The indwelling of Christ through the Holy Spirit is our hope in all things but I feel especially in our need to be long suffering Christians. Because only Jesus can still that inner world and with it bring the patience we cannot.

Years ago, standing in that parking lot, filled with two days of drugs and booze, I had no hope of patience or any fruit of the Spirit. I cursed my dealer and then an hour later begged him to come back and give me what I needed. He did but with no patience or remorse only greedy joy over my suffering. Today, I want to fill myself with the only substances that will bring the patience I need to keep Jesus two great commandments, …Love the Lord my God with all my heart, and with all my soul and with all my mind…and Love my neighbor as myself… that is the God’s Word and Prayer. That is my ‘instant message’ to all this morning as we remember His long suffering toward you and me too, may we extend that to others even in the midst of troubles.

Blessings John
2/18/20

“Peace, man!” said the bearded kid who picked me up while hitch-hiking. I looked over and replied in kind “Peace”. As he drove the kid started to tell me where he was heading, “There is a peace rally in Grant Park tonight, it is going to be huge. I heard even Abby Hoffman is going to be there.” I knew about the rally in downtown Chicago and didn’t know if I would be going, so I just said, “Yeah, very cool.” He turned to me and asked, “Where are you heading, why don’t you come.” I shrugged and said, “I might get there but right now if you can drop me anywhere near 63rd Street, that would be awesome.” He shrugged as I pulled out a joint and held it up, he nodded in agreement  as I lit it.

I was on a weekend leave from the Catholic Seminary I was attending and had gotten a ride along Archer Ave from one of my classmate’s parents to 91st, heading to a friend’s house who lived in Willowbrook, a South Side suburb of Chicago. I spent most my off weekends with friends since my parents had moved from our West Side home to live in Upper Michigan. Usually the people I stayed with were classmates but this weekend I was staying with a friend I had met at a party. I had lied to all about where I was going.

My driver, I now knew as Benji, was better than his word, he drove me right to my friend’s house. As I got out of the car, I flashed him the peace sign and he said, “I hope to see you at the rally, bro.” Nodding I headed up the steps to a modest home that had probably been built after the war, like so many others. As I was about to knock the door flew open and a girl I didn’t recognize was standing there. She said, “You must be John!” and hugged me. I am sure she noticed my surprise and smiled, “My name is Steph, I am Bobby’s sister.” Taking me by the hand she led me into a smoke-filled room.

As I entered I saw at least 6 or 7 people all seated around a Hookah and smelled the hash being shared. Bobby raised his hand and coughed out, “John, you made it.” Offering me a ‘hose’ I took a long drag as I sat down. I wasn’t too shocked that the conversation was all about the rally and I soon found out that Bobby and his sister intended to go. I was not only invited, I was drafted to come if I liked it or not. Talk turned to the war, as it did so often in those days. Everyone in the room had an opinion about peace and how to achieve it. Soon we all packed into a mini bus and headed downtown,  with a peace sign on the door.

That was only the beginning of my search for peace. I marched and protested. I read books by Gandhi and the Dali Lama. The more I sought it the more elusive it became. Within a few years, the drugs and the booze became more important than the ideals. Any inner peace I once held was washed away in a sea of alcohol and in a mountain of powder. Peace just became a word, like love. It had no meaning.

The real problem was that I never knew peace because I never knew Jesus. Because like love, you can never really have it in your life until He becomes the center of it. Jesus said this, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give it as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27) But can it be that simple?

I think the answer to that is, “no and then again, yes”. Because you accept and believe in Jesus might not mean you are going to find the world a more peaceful place, that isn’t part of the promise. In fact, a few chapters later in the book of John, He says this, “I told you these things, so you may have peace, in this world you will have trouble. But I have overcome the world.” (John 16: 33)

He had just told been assuring them that things were soon to be turned upside down. The peace they had being around Him was going to be taken away. So much so they would lose faith but something would happen that would bring peace again. Something so incredible and opposite of all they and a lot of us can believe. He was about to bring peace into this world through death on a cross. An act of grace and mercy so huge that it echoes down into every life that accepts it.

My sin and your sin that can take every ounce of peace from our lives was carried by Him and washed away in His blood. Jesus told His disciples and He tells us now, when you can accept My grace through the cross, only then can true peace enter your life. A miracle? It is! But the cool thing is… there is more!

The story doesn’t end there. Three days later Jesus overcomes the one thing that steals all our peace, death. To top it off He is coming again! The apostle Paul says this, “For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so, we will be with the Lord forever.” (1 Thessalonians 4: 16-17) Saved by His grace and offered a place in His kingdom. Peace right now and peace eternal. How cool is that!

I went to the rally but it certainly did not end up peaceful. A riot broke out and soon police with tear gas were scattering us all. Sound familiar. Still happening today around the world no matter what side of the political scene you are on. The world does not know or offer us peace. Jesus does. If we have a personal relationship with the Prince of Peace, the Holy Spirit will fill us with a peace no worldly trouble can take away. To that I say, “Peace, man!” and finally really mean it!

Blessings John

2/11/20

I sat on the couch. The party was in full swing. The house I shared with Lani was full of people from both bars we hung around in and anyone else they had invited. I could see people surrounding the kitchen table as lines of cocaine and speed were being cut up and shared. Leaning back, I tried to remember what day it was. I closed my eyes.

Soon as I did I felt someone plop on the couch next to me. Then an elbow in my ribs. I opened my eyes to see it was Lani and she was not looking too happy. I cleared my throat and asked, “What’s up?” Stone cold silence. This wasn’t good.

Lani and I had been friends for a couple of years. But never had been attracted to one another. When her last roommate had moved out she had asked me to move in. So far, it had worked out. We got along well but now I could see there was a problem.

For some reason the noise in the room had increased and I raised my voice to be heard over the din, “Ok, what is the problem? Say something, I can’t hear your brains rattle.” With that she turned to look at me and said, “Are you happy with all this!” The question surprised me and I asked, “All what?” Her hand swept out in front of her slowly, “This… the endless partying. The drugs. The booze. Maybe just life in general.”

I leaned back again and thought, “Ah oh, I hated this kind of stuff. Life questions.” But I said, “I don’t know, I guess I am happy enough. I mean, what else is there?” She sighed and I could see she was on the verge of tears. As she attempted to light a cigarette her hand was shaking and I took the lighter from her and lit it. Silence for a moment, then she said, “I got a call earlier today. My brother has been diagnosed with a brain tumor and the doctors don’t give him a chance. Right now, life stinks and I can find no joy in it.”

I don’t know how many times during my ‘lost years’ I had a conversation like this one. A friend whose relative was dying or had passed away. A boyfriend locked away for some offense that normally had to do with supporting his habit. Or just a conversation about what an empty life we were all living. Anything that occurred during those years could steal our joy. It seemed to me that we were living a life of complete hopelessness and sought to sooth that with every substance known to man.

The truth is I don’t think you need to live a life of addictions to find your joy can be taken from you in a moment. I look around me and see that in our fast-paced world we seek instant gratification and mistakenly believe that is how happiness and joy is to be found. I know I chased it over forty years. It never happened.

One translation of Psalm 40: 4 says: “How happy is the man who has put his trust in the Lord and has not turned to the proud or those who run after lies.” That is powerful and begs the question, “Where do we find our happiness, in God’s promises or in running after empty promises offered in the world?” Turn on any device and you will be guaranteed a joyful life by just buying a product advertised in the endless commercials that permeate our media. Has it ever worked for you? I cannot say it has.

But isn’t that the American dream? Aren’t we promised the right to, “…life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”? My answer is yes. And we are blessed to live in a country where we can choose to do just that. And that is what it will always come down to, a choice.

I chose to chase joy contained in a bottle or a line of powder. Others seek it in possessions or careers. But Jesus challenged us with a radical thought on being joyful. He said, “Happy is a man who is humble, who mourns or is meek. Happy is the man who thirsts for the righteousness found only in God, or is merciful. Happy is the man who is a peacemaker or suffers because he follows the ways of a righteous God.” All of this can be found in what are called the Beatitudes in the Gospel of Matthew 5: 5-10, look them up and read some life changing words. The amazing thing for me is when I began to accept these radical promises in my life, I began to understand what the ‘pursuit of happiness’ is all about.

But I think the kicker that changed all my opinion about joy was when I read this the second part of Hebrew 12: 2, “…For the joy set before Him he endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Do you get it? Jesus’ joy is in our salvation. So much so He agreed to all torture, shame, and horrible death, just to someday be with me and you if you choose it, in a world made new. That changed me. That gave me hope. And in that hope, I now find my joy.

Can I say now that I am always happy as the world sees happiness. Nope, no can do. But I can say that I am always joyful. I find in this fruit of the Spirit, because in the end that is what joy is, Jesus gift to us. I can live a life fulfilled not in the things that this world offers but if I allow the Spirit to lead me, in a life fulfilled in the radical ways of the Savior. Humility that comes when I know Him who died for me. Peace because I trust in His promises. Mercy because He was merciful to me first. Allowed to experience His righteousness because of the cross and the grace of God. And so much more that I don’t have the room to write in a single blog page. But suffice to say, I chose Jesus as my endless supply of joy! It worked.

Lani lost her brother and we went on a three-day bender together. When those three days were done, even though neither of us would admit it, we felt even more empty than before. I regret that it did not open me to seek a better answer to life’s sorrows for many years to come. I can only thank God and those that prayed for me, because through Jesus, this sad addict has become a man of joy. It is gift He offers to us all, you just have to choose it.

Blessings John

2/4/20