Was the telephone ringing or was I dreaming it. I reached for the phone with eyes still closed, answering I said “Yeah?” The voice on the other end was excited and shrill, “John, I need you here now!” My booze soaked brain tried to register what was going on. The voice came again, “John, are you there? You have to come to the hospital Billy is in the emergency room!” I thought, “Billy, I just left him it couldn’t be more than a few hours ago, why was he in the hospital?” I finally spoke with a raspy voice, “Julie, what the hell is going on, I just dropped Billy off at your place. What happened?” She was sobbing, “John, Billy overdosed, you got to come. This is all your fault.” More sobbing, as I answered with anger in my voice, “I’ll be down there in a bit! But if Billy ODed it ain’t my fault.” I slammed the receiver down.
I rubbed my eyes trying to recall all that had gone on over the last 8 or 9 hours. I looked at the clock on the night stand, 4:15am. When did we leave that party? Must have been around 2:30 or so. Hours before Billy had called looking for an ‘8 ball’ of speed. We met outside a Oceanside bar. It was a hangout for Marines not far from Camp Pendleton. He showed up still in his fatigues and the deal was made. We sat in the car and did two fat lines of meth. Billy said, “There is a party at Steamer’s you want to go?” It was a stupid question, free booze, and free drugs, I was there! I said, “I’ll drive.”
The party was a rolling already when we arrived. At Steamer’s house the party always seemed to be going. Steamer was a local who worked on base. I was never sure what he did but he was popular with the service guys. As usual there was a kegger set up and half gallons of booze of every kind. As for drugs, the rule was BYO, bring your own, but there was always plenty around. The noise for deafening, loud rock music and at least 30 people trying to talk above it, typical Steamer party. Billy and I had hung out, did lines and drank lots till around 2:30 when I took him home. I remembered as he left the car he had said, “This is my last time, John. I got to get off the party wagon. You know Julie has been bugging me to get back into going to church and I feel I should be doing something.” I just said, “Yeah whatever.” Not believing a word. I called through the window, “Call me when you need some more crank.” I had driven home.
When I arrived at hospital Julie was on me, “Why do you keep selling him that stuff? You come to our house you play with our kids then you try to kill their father. Billy is a good God-fearing man, you say you are his friend….” She cried. But I could only think of me, fearing Billy’s OD could lead to my arrest.
The saddest thing I see when I look back on my life BC, before Christ, is not the ruin of myself but the pain and ruin I led others to. There are more stories than I can tell like the one I am sharing today. I guess I saw the world like an evolutionist might, survival of the fittest. It was always me first, everything and everyone else a distant second… or maybe not at all. I don’t know how many lives I affected for bad, nor can I change it, except to say I am sorry and make recompense where possible. Knowing I can never repair the damage done, I always pray that He who raised His Son from the dead can and I trust in that.
Being baptized in Jesus was the turning point in my life but it was just the beginning. You see, through the grace of God I can still effect lives; but now I know it happens as Jesus is living through me. Paul put it like this, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20) Every day I can choose Jesus and through Him I can do things I would have never believed possible because, “I can do all things through Him that strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)
My life is much different these days. I see the gifts that God has given me. I count the blessings that He has allowed me to survive my own self destruction and I can share what He did in my life with others. Ellen White, a gifted writer, put it this way, “Transformation of character is to be a testimony to the world of the in dwelling of Christ. The Lord expects His people to show that the redeeming power of grace can work upon the faulty character and cause it to develop in symmetry and abundant fruitfulness.” (God’s Amazing Grace, page 228) It is the reason I share on these pages so you can know if a sinner like me can be saved there is hope for anyone.
Billy did recover. I was not arrested and went on selling drugs for years. I never heard from either of them again. I did hear rumors that Billy had been born again. I sure pray that is true. I would like to meet him again if not here then on the streets of gold, I can pray I see you there also
Blessings John
6/16/17
Sharing Jesus is what I do…
