The bar was half full. I thought, “Lots of drunks without any place else to go.” It was 11:00 AM on Thanksgiving morning. I had been at the bar since before it opened. The owner knew a good customer when he saw one, so he allowed me quite often to get ‘eye openers’ before he officially opened for the day.
As I looked around me I saw that more than three-quarters of the people were men ages ranging from 20’s to who knows how old. Most had that defeated look of folks who just survive the holiday season. The few women sat at the bar not in the booths scattered throughout the bar seeming to want to be close to the center of whatever festivities were going to happen in a run down place like this. I knew better, this was it. Another Thanksgiving huddled over as many whiskey and cokes as I could guzzle. Life stunk and then you died, was my motto for this year and most years I could recall.
I had plenty of time to reflect on my life. I sat alone in a booth away from the main crowd now fixated on the television above the bar. Football would be the name of the game for the remainder of the day. I wanted no part of any of it. I just wanted to be alone and there was no one who wanted to interrupt.
As I thought, I could see the downward spiral that led me to be the guy who lives by himself in a run down, pay by the week motel. Yeah, I had a job and a car that I quit making payments on. My social life centered around this bar and the few others where I could sate my alcohol needs with as little interaction with people as possible. I sometimes wondered if my brother and sister knew if I was alive. I had given them no clue in the last couple of years. I was basically on the run. From child support and some angry drug dealers. You play the game, you pay the piper. Except for a few guys that worked for me and the occasional woman I had one-night stands with, I was as alone as I had ever been, and I felt it most acutely during the holidays. “Please tell me they will be over soon!” I thought waving down the surely waitress. She didn’t want to be here either. Yeah life stunk and then you died. Happy Thanksgiving!
For many of us the holiday season is full of joy, family, and friends. But there are a whole bunch of people who struggle with addictions that only experience loneliness and pain. I spent at least five holiday seasons completely disconnected from everyone and everthing because addictions were controlling my life. It was not much better even when I was in relationships because I spent most of the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas finding excuses to drink and drug more than usual. It took most of the joy out of the lives of those around me, but I was oblivious. I just wanted the season to be over. None of that changed until I found the true joy of life didn’t come out of a bottle or in white lines on a mirror. A miracle occurred when I was challenged to read a book I detested, the Bible. A drunken druggie was transformed. I experienced a joy I had never known. Through this I discovered an unbelievable love and a reason to celebrate.
Here is the verse that changed my life, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) I read this while I was still consuming alcohol in copious amounts. One day as I read it something in me clicked. I re-read it, all I could think was: “Why”. Why would this God I knew nothing about and really didn’t believe in want to save me? I didn’t know. But I something in me wanted to believe.
I remember it was late September 2010 and we were about to take a train trip to Denver. I could not get that verse out of my head. In early October on the way back from Denver, something happened that had never occurred before, I refused a drink on the train. And it kept happening day after day and soon the holiday season was starting but I still didn’t drink. I found myself enjoying the season for the first time since I was a boy. But it was better than that, I found I wanted to know more about this Savior, born in a stable, who had died for me according to the verse which still stayed in my mind.
That holiday season I began to read and listen to the Bible every day, it felt right. In early December, I walked through the doors of a Seventh Day Adventist church and for the first time as an adult I was surrounded by people who had an inner joy and wanted to share it with me. I smiled and laughed a lot throughout that season. Without me really knowing the miracle had begun.
I have had many joyful Thanksgivings since then and a few that even though there was pain, I found reasons for true joy. I look back on that Thursday so long ago, sitting in that bar alone. I know even then I had a God who loved me and a Savior who would have died just to save that sad man. I want to share another verse with you that gave me hope. And if you are alone, if you believe He doesn’t care, He does. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13) The key to that verse is trust. Try it this holiday season, there is hope my friends. My new motto is: Life is good then you live forever! To be continued….
Blessings John
11/17/17