What can I say about the year 2020 that has not already been said? The answer is, not much can I add to the headlines, for sure! What could I add to the divisive things I have seen all year no matter what media source I would choose? How could I express the hatred I have seen in posts on Facebook or relate the doubt and mistrust we have expressed toward one another. The real question is why would you even want to read another op-ed filled with one sided opinion, supposition, or pure vileness? My prayer for each of us it that you wouldn’t! My prayer is that each of you reading this is tired of doubt, fear, and apprehension. If this is where you are read on, if not read on anyway! Today I write a year end message of fearless, selfless, hope. Today I want to share a story of a boy, then man who found this hope when all odds were against it.
The boy was born into a family that was already burdened with the children born before him. No, they were not destitute or even close but neither mother or father were born to be parents. The father struggled with shadows of his past and penchant toward alcoholism and the mother was loving but ambitious. She had always dreamed of being a registered nurse and by the time her youngest was born she had already begun her journey toward that goal.
It was not out of selfishness she did so. For sure, the money was needed because the father was not able to provide a sustainable living for a family of six. So, the boy grew up pretty much alone. His siblings being older, they were in school by the time he had his first memories. So, it was him and his mother most days even though she was often pre-occupied.
By the time he began attending Catholic grade school, his loner ways were set. Not making friends easily he often found he liked best being alone with his dog playing imaginary games in the fields near his house. It was not that he did not enjoy his brothers and sister, they were caring and loving. It was more from inside himself that he came to feel alone in a crowd.
At an early age, his father would take him along shopping, which normally ended up in a bar or at the racetrack. These worlds fascinated him. It was in these environments he felt at home. Women would fawn over him and men would laugh when he did silly things. The excitement of the track was like an amusement park. Because his father swore him to secrecy, he felt special. He felt loved.
The boy grew up in the mystical world of the still archaic Catholic Church, with its Latin liturgy and foreboding teachings of a God that would allow even a boy his age to burn in hell if he did not repent and confess every sin. The problem was as the boy grew into a teen, he seemed to be involved in sinful behavior all the time!
Falling in with other loners he broke into trucks and warehouses in the factory complex near his house. He drank alcohol, smoked pot, and had sexual urges that no one explained except to say they were sinful and disgusting. By the time he was to register for high school his mother urged him to attend the seminary boarding school where is older brother would be a senior.
With little other choices he agreed. Soon he was in trouble there. He barely survived his freshman and sophomore years, suspended once, his wild ways were not curved by the strict seminary life. But he did learn to play the game. Getting involved with school politics everyone was amazed at the transformation, yet beneath it he still drank, smoked and when away from school partied with girls. He had learned to live a double life.
Once out of school he dreamt of being a newspaper journalist. But could not stay in school. His mother passed away when he was 18 and soon after he was married for the first time. A child came along a year later. He was not ready for any of it!
Joining the Ironworking trade, he finally found what he thought of as his home. He would travel with a gang of Ironworkers to jobs and while on the road his drinking and drug addictions grew. So did his anger. Now he often brawled with anyone who would do so. He had lost all thoughts of God or if he did think of God actually existing, he could only see him as he saw himself vindictive and mean.
At home he pretended to be a model husband and father. His wife also drank, and he would criticize her for not being a better mother. They struggled as a couple even as they traveled together in the last years of their marriage. Finally, it was all too much, they divorced.
It was then he lost all control. Getting so heavily involved in drugs that his life was in danger. He ran from the last semblances of normality, never to have a right relationship with his son again.
The years went by. Married again then divorced. All his relationships were based on lies and filled with anger. So, lost now. Hating the idea of God. He walked into a bar in Glendale California. It was there he met a woman who would first be his bartender, then his wife. They both were addicts and would spend years fighting separating and coming back together. But this woman had something that he had never experienced. Even in the depths of her abused life she held on to the idea that there was a God who loved her.
After 30 years of a marriage that could only be described as disastrous, the woman made the decision that she would surrender her life to Jesus. She would observe all God’s Commandments. She would return to the church of her youth and spend every Sabbath with her God. He was so ticked off! How could she do it? How could she believe that anyone could forgive or save her? So, a full year of arguments ensued. Finally, it came down to one challenge from her to him. Read the Bible one time through. If it did nothing for him, he was free to live his reckless life but not with her.
Oh, how he hated this! He could not read this book! But he did have an MP3 player and he could listen while he was on his daily walk. What could that hurt? He would run through it quickly and then proof her wrong. But my friends:
“The word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12
The man found that he wanted to believe this unbelievable story. He wanted to believe that even he could be forgiven. Over the next 2 years, the boy who once was an angry loner became a man who knew he had a Savior. He could surrender his craving for alcohol. He could find joy in the midst of turmoil. He could see that the ugliness of this world did not have to be his ugliness. He allowed the Holy Spirit to transform him.
No, it was not as easy as one paragraph in this story. It was a struggle because Satan did not want to let go of one, he had so completely conquered. But Jesus said this, and this is what this man lives by now:
“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (part)
You see I am that boy now an old man. I refuse to be part of this world, its divisiveness, suspicions, and hatred. I have been there and done that. So, my prayer for you this coming year is that you too look to the one who has already died to save you. Let go of yourself. This is not you or my home. Jesus is coming soon, let us make straight his paths in this next year! See you in the Lord’s year 2021!
Blessings
John
12/28/20
