Month: December 2019

“What do you fear the most?” The young guy asked me. We were sitting in the semi-darkness of the Albany bar in Cheyenne, Wyoming. The rain and hale had chased us off the job about an hour ago and now most of the crew was either back in the motel showering or off to find food. But, as usual, I decided neither was necessary, a few good whiskeys would suffice.

What was unusual, Tom the young new hire had decided to drink with me. Over the past two weeks I had never seen him in any of the bars or pubs my crew frequented, so was curious why he was sitting next to me. Now the questions had begun.

Most were small talk. Where was I from? How long had I been Ironworking? Other stuff about my family and a few questions about some of the crew. Typical. You know, small talk. But now he had turned serious, staring down into the drink he had nursed while I had downed at least three. He raised his head and said again, “What do you fear the most? Is it the work? Being so high off the ground with only an eight- or twelve-inch beam beneath your feet. Or is it the idea that you are getting too old or broken up to be able to do it?”

At first, I just wanted to blow him off. I mean, what kind of stupid question was that? But as the question twisted around in my booze-soaked brain it took on an ominous note. Here I was, barely 30 years old and this kid a few years out of high school was looking at me as if I was just a stone’s throw away from being over the hill. Without letting him know it, the question shook me. Looking in the mirror behind the bar, I saw the haggard face of a man aging beyond his years. Maybe for the first time in my life, I felt a touch of my own mortality.

Nearly 40 years have passed since that day. Due to my own recklessness and addictions or due to intimate relationship I have had with Prostate Cancer for the past 13 years my mortality has become a daily specter. For many of those years I carried the burden of it with a fatalistic view, I had no hope.

Maybe some of you are there right now, struggling with a life-threatening disease, have made poor life choices and are now trapped in the results. Or maybe addictions or depression have you in their grip. Please believe me, I have been where you are and there is hope his name is Jesus Christ.

I am sure you have heard it before and have said, “How can Jesus do anything for me?” In 2009 I was there myself. Still under the sway of addictions, told that I could not survive more than a few years with the advancing cancer, I began listening to an MP3 version of the Bible just to keep peace with my wife. I had no belief in it and was sure if I listened through it once during daily walks that would keep everyone happy, I didn’t think I needed this Jesus in my life. But something strange happened!

As I listened through the first-time things began to change in my life even without me knowing. It wasn’t magic. Just the things I was hearing made sense. There was a God who loved us so much that he was willing to die. How could that be? Why was a drunken sot like me worth so much? As amazing as it was, I began to believe what I was hearing.

There are verses like: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” In the Old Testament book of Jeremiah, chapter 29 and verse 11. Do you see how the words future and hope are tied together? I did and it began to change me.

It certainly did not happen overnight, but as I let the Word of God in my heart I realized who Jesus was and that he would do for me and in me all he said: “All things have been entrusted to Me by My Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal Him. Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.…” (Matthew 11: 27-29).

Much has changed in my life. I no longer live under the control of addictions or depression or hopelessness. All is not perfect; my cancer has returned, and I will soon again have radiation treatments to shrink the latest tumor. But my life is full and so is my heart. I live each day no longer under the specter of death but in the full assuredness that no matter if I live or die, I have a place in God’s kingdom to come.

Years ago, I blew off that young man’s questions with all the bravado of a man who thought he was impervious to the specters waiting for him. But in my heart, I knew better. Today I pray that for you. Don’t live another day in fear, seek Him who can give you joy and hope!

Blessings

John

12/30/19

You can’t dust off your manger scene and expect it will draw you closer to Christ if you have neglected Him for the last 11 months. I mean, how many of us spend a month celebrating someone’s birthday if we really don’t know the person? If Christmas is going to have a deeper meaning, we need to know the man who’s birth we celebrate. And that is the gift He would love to give to us.

But if you want to begin to know Him today, how can it happen with all the clutter and noise of commercial Christmas? Well maybe you can start by absorbing these verses from the gospel of Luke, “And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” (Luke 2:8-11) I know even if you are not a follower of Jesus you have heard these words before. But read them again.

Then put yourself in that field. God’s messenger was so excited because he knew the miracle that had just taken place, Immanuel, God with us, had just been born. He had to share it! Finally, the plan, in place from the foundation of the world was happening. The joy of all heaven could not be contained, “And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” (Luke 2:13-14) What would have it been like to be among those shepherds? It had to be pure awe and joy! And that is the joy I want in my heart this Christmas because that is the joy that can last the whole year.

It is a reality that we cannot get away from the gift mania of modern Christmas, Amazon has made sure of that. But while you are shopping for the latest gizmo, take time to read God’s Word. Absorb the gift God, in Jesus, has given to all of us, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes will not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16) Make a start right now to celebrating Jesus throughout the year! His gift to you is everlasting!

I left that woman crying in her martini, literally. I got out the door as soon as I could and never looked back. Today, I understand the pain she was feeling but know that sorrow can be washed away in a moment. Christ is still and always has been in Christmas. Maybe it was not December 25th, but I celebrate it with all my heart because, “For on to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” (Isaiah 9:6) He is my Christmas! May He be yours!

Blessings John,

12/23/19

Another Christmas eve. The thought ran through my mind. I was among friends. If you can call the six guys sitting in this dark bar ‘friends. Most of them were acquaintances. You know, people whose name I knew but little of nothing about their lives or most anything outside the things we talked about within these tobacco stained walls.

Right now, none of us were talking. There seemed to be a gloom hanging over the room like a fog or was that just the haze of countless cigarettes smoked. Six guys and a bartender named Pete here drinking on a night when most of the world was waiting in anticipation for tomorrow, Christmas. I don’t think any of us were all that excited at the thought of it. And to tell you the truth most of us were probably dreading it. Another Christmas alone. Another proof that our lives were in the tank. The Sixth Avenue Bar losers club.

As I finished by 4^th or 5^th whiskey and coke. I heard Pete whistling softly. It was a tune I knew well, probably so did everyone else. The words came to me like a memory of better days gone by. “Silent night, holy night….” For some reason I felt even sadder than I had before and said, “Why don’t you knock off the whistling! If I wanted to go to a Christmas concert I certainly wouldn’t have come to this dive. Bring me another one of these and keep Christmas to yourself.” I could see hurt in Pete’s eyes but, hey, I was paying his wage so the least he could do was clam up and pour me another.

Silence prevailed for a few moments, then I heard a low voice sing, “Silent night, holy night all is calm all is bright….” Looking down the bar I saw the guy I knew as Will staring down into his drink and singing like a man trying to conjure up a happy spirit. Oh, how I wanted to tell him to cut it out, but his voice was remarkably sweet, and something seemed to stop me. Instead I found myself mumbling a few of the words, “……round yon virgin mother and Child, holy infant so tender and mild…” soon more voices joined in “sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace…” All the voices trailed off as if it was planned. And as Pete brought me my drink, he said, “Merry Christmas, John.” I wished I could say, “Same to you, Pete.” But for some reason I was choked up and I could see so were the other guys sitting with me. The losers club choir had brought down the house. Together yet so alone on Christmas eve.

I am praying that as you read this that none of you are experiencing a Christmas season where you feel isolated or alone. I have lived through many of them and I know the deep hopeless feeling that can come with this time when joy seems to permeate everyone’s life but yours. If you are in a place where you are alone, I cannot fill your life with friends and family, but I can offer the same hope that now helps when I am alone or surrounded by love ones. The hope that comes in knowing the true Christ of Christ-mas, Jesus my friend and my Savior.

Maybe some of you are thinking, I have heard this all before. All I have to do is believe in this Jesus and my life will be wonderful. I am not here to tell you that. But what I am here to tell you is that where you now have no hope, in Jesus you can find it. Here is a quote from Isaac of Nineveh, a 7^th century theologian, that sums up my feeling about true hope “The soul that loves God has its rest in God and in God alone. In all the paths that men walk in in the world, they do not attain peace until they draw nigh to hope in God.” If you have tried all kinds of worldly devices to bring you peace and hope and still feel empty, here are a few promises from God’s Word that you can trust.

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:10)

31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 41:31)

13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)

 

My wish for you this season of the Christ child is that you can find your hope in him. You might ask, “What does it take?” and the answer is simple yet takes a lifetime to complete. Believe! Say this simple prayer today:

“Jesus I am hurting and not sure where to turn help me today to trust and believe in you!”

My friend, what have you got to lose? I can tell you I said a prayer like this one 10 years ago and no my life did not change overnight, but it did change. I no longer am going to sit with the Sixth Avenue loser choir this Christmas eve. But I will be singing with a hopeful, joy filled heart:

Silent night
Holy night
All is calm
All is bright
Round yon virgin mother and child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace
(Silent night)
(Holy night)
(All is calm)
(All is bright)
Round yon virgin mother and child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace

Peace and Joy to you my brothers and sisters! Merry Christmas

John

12/16/19

I was born in Chicago. I guess you could say that I was a city kid and in most ways am still pretty much citified. I remember as a kid going on a Boy Scout weekend where it was necessary that I set up a pup tent and sleep in a sleeping bag. And even though we were just in what are called in Chicago ‘forest preserves’, I still felt a million miles away from my comfort zone. That would be my own bed, in my upstairs bedroom, conveniently shoved under the slope of the roof (don’t sit up suddenly or it could cause head damage), in the ‘Cape Cod’ house on Whitehall Avenue. Yeah, the great outdoors would never be my thing…. Or would it?

The strange thing is that as a kid, I never dreamed of living any further then maybe over in Stone Park or one of those ritzy neighborhoods I would ride my bike through. Instead, I spent a lot of my adult life living in rural America. Yeah, I have lived in big cities, L.A., Salt Lake City and in the Bay area, to name a few. But I have also lived in Hanover, Indiana, St. George, Utah and Green River, Wyoming. And it was in the Green River area where I became acquainted again with sleeping rough, in a tent and yes, in a sleeping bag.

I have written a few blogs about these times. It was in the first days of ‘cell towers.’ Cell phones themselves were still pretty much an oddity. Our company had purchased two of them, but they were big and bulky. They kind of looked like the walkie talkies used during WWII. All the same we had a contract to install the tower bases for several of them in the mountains around Green River and where they were being installed there were no accommodations, hence tent living.

Of course, by this time in my life I was no longer that kid who had the security of a permanent home. My life had taken many twists and turns. I had lived in fancy homes and slept in my car. I had spent months living with a bunch of guys in a man camp and I had spent more than a few days being locked down for varies crimes and arrests. I no longer was afraid of the great outdoors, but I still was not a great lover of it. I would say, a lot of that changed in those weeks spent in the mountains of Wyoming.

Have you ever been there? Maybe not Wyoming, but in the mountains at night. If you have you would know that there is something beyond words that is on display every night. It is meditative and restive all at once sitting below the enormous canopy which is only visible in the thin air and total darkness of the mountains. And if you want it to or not it changes you.

In those days, I was at the height of my atheistic hatred of God. I was among hardened and hardcore guys, like myself, who wanted nothing to do with all the nonsense espoused in the ‘Good Book’ or by those phony Christians. But strangely enough under those skies, the talk which normally centered around sports and sex, changed. A disquieting awe washed away the late-night bawdy talk, to be replaced by and almost reverent conversation about this magnificent spectacle we were seeing. One night a young man and I were the last ones up. I have written about our conversation before. But it is worth writing it again. Because that night I think both of us, if only for a moment caught a glimpse of God.

Those of you who know the Old Testament stories of Moses might know that he once asked God if he could see his glory. Moses wanted to see God. Well, God told him you could not handle seeing all of me. So, he hid Moses in the cleft of a rock and just showed him his back. The whole story is in the book of Exodus 33: 17-23, it is a beautiful read. I don’t know what Moses saw, but I have come to believe he saw God, the Creator, and the beauty and majesty of it must have blown his mind. I don’t think we saw all of that on that night so long ago, but we caught a glimpse of it.

When we did, still passing a bottle of booze between us, our conversation went to one question. The young man asked me, “Can you sit here and look at this and not believe some one created it?” Oh man, I wanted so badly to say, “There is no God! This is a product of the big bang, nothing more!” I wanted to say it, but I couldn’t. For that one night. Maybe for that one moment, when I like Moses, got a glimpse of God, I could not deny him. Not in the face of this enormous sky.

In the morning light, most of that was gone. We returned to being hardcore Ironworkers. The question he asked that I never answered, did not come up again. But each night before I slept, the awe of that moment would disquiet me, and I would try to drink it away. I never did that either. I now relish it because I can read these words and relive it, now knowing the truth: “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge.” (Psalm 19:1-2) As a stone cold atheist I saw the glory of God and lived to tell the story.

For some reason, I have been in the mountains at other times since then but have never experienced what I did that night. But when I get the chance, I still want to be under that Big Sky to relive it. Maybe when you are planning your next vacation or just traveling take the time to find a high place where it is dark and quiet. For some that might even be your back yard. If you look God is trying to reveal himself to you. I know it is true.

Blessings
John

12/11/19

I was alone, that much I was sure of. As I lay in the darkness of the motel room that I rented by the week, I was not sure how I had gotten there. Looking at the red glow of the clock on the old nightstand I could see it was nearly 4:30, I assumed in the morning because of the darkness that surrounded me.

My mouth was dry, my tongue was swollen and it seemed like someone had thrown sand in my eyes. Feeling around for the old lamp also on the nightstand, I pulled its chain and the small bulb threw a yellow light into the room. I saw my car keys on the floor next to the bed, I also saw that I was fully dressed. “What day is it?” I mumbled. Sitting up I tried to think but there seemed to be just a hum and a haze where my brain used to be.

Lowering my head into my hands, finally some memories started to creep in. I was pretty sure I had gone to the bar. I was pretty sure that last time I remembered anything it was a Saturday night and I was not at all sure what else had happened. Getting out of bed I went to the window, pulling the flowered drapes aside enough to peak out I saw my car parked where it normally was. “Man, what did I drink?” or better question, “How much did I drink?”

I sat back down on the bed listening to the old springs creak, for some reason I began to cry. As the tears came, slowly shaking my head, thoughts of who I had become began to fill and haunt me. As the fog cleared, I could see it had been another Saturday night filled with enough alcohol to float a battleship. There had been lines of speed snorted down after being laid out on top of a toilet tank, in a dank bar bathroom. There had been violent words as the bartender ‘86’d’ me. And there had been me driving, so drunk and high that I had no idea why I was not dead or in jail. My shoulders slumped and I felt back on the bed. “This is my life and I hate it!” I cried out. There was no one to call, no one who cared. I was alone. The tears continued until I fell into a tormented sleep.

Have you ever felt so alone that you think there is no one else in the world? I don’t care how you got there. Maybe, like me, it was addictions. Or maybe you have suffered the loss of a loved one. Or maybe through illness or old age you find yourself isolated. So many other reasons. I have been there and know that it is one of the scariest feeling I have ever known.

My problem was that I could feel like that in the middle of a crowd. You ever experience that? Here I would be at some party, everyone is mingling and seeming like they are having a blast. But I would end up in a corner, drinking more and more trying to fill the void that was there and would not go away. Man, I tell you, it was the worst. But I lived like that even in my relationships and marriages. Something was missing. I always knew it. But I could never seem find out what it was. The reason for that was simple, I was looking for the answer in all the wrong places.

I know if you read this blog very often you might think I am redundant in referring to the power of the Bible. But, my friends, the truth is that it holds the answers to every problem we can experience. And so, it is true when you feel that you are alone, God’s Word holds the answer.

The thing is that from the day Adam and Eve fell to the temptation of Satan in the garden, God has made promises. But His promises are not like mine or maybe yours. God keeps every one of His. And the cool thing is that the Bible is filled with proof that He did and will always do just that.

Here is one I claim often, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) I came to believe God will do just that. Even so there have been just as many times of ‘aloneness’ since I began my walk with Jesus. The death of a spouse. A move to a strange city. Separation from my kids and family. The difference now from my lost years is that I now believe. I have read God’s Word and have seen His promises fulfilled within the Word.

But if I am being perfectly honest, that would have been good but not good enough. What really did it for me was I saw when I prayed claiming this promise God did just as He said He would. After my wife died, He sent one of His ministers to lead me into a prayer ministry, it was just what I needed at that moment. I was strengthened. I was upheld. When I moved to Georgia, yes it was strange. But I moved here to share a my life with a loving woman who understood how such a move away from family and friends can be isolating. I felt His righteous right hand, through my new bride. I felt safe and began to enjoy my new surroundings and challenges. So many other times I have tried this promise and He has answered me.

That is so different from a Sunday morning so long ago. I woke up later that morning feeling completely empty. By noon I was back at bar trying to fill the void with something I knew, even then, would empty me further. But I did not know the saving power of Jesus and His Word back then. Now I fill my life with it and trust in He who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Today if you are alone and feel the need to know there is hope, please pray the words of Isaiah 41:10, “Lord, I am afraid please do not leave me here alone. I am sad be my God of joy. Life’s challenges have weakened me, be my strength. Hold me up with your righteous right hand.” Try it today, my friends. He is waiting to do all of this and more in your life! Claim His promise right now.

Blessings John