Month: July 2019

I started writing this blog to testify about how a God hating, addicted man could become a believer in Jesus Christ. Over the past 2 ½ years I have written many blogs speaking about the depth of my drug and alcohol addictions, but I have never talked about the most addicting substance I ever encountered, nicotine.

Here are just a few facts about nicotine that might surprise some of you who never used it in any form:

• Nicotine is at least as difficult to give up as heroin.
• The side effects of nicotine can affect the heart, hormones, and gastrointestinal system.
• There are more than one billion tobacco smokers worldwide.

When I was about eight, I guess, I tried to smoke my first cigarette. At that time everyone I knew smoked. My father and mother, of course. But also, my priest, basketball coach and the list goes on and on. I went to the movies and there it was not only on the screen, but some movie theaters had smoking sections. In the grocery store, mothers dragging their kids around with a cigarette hanging out of their mouths. For those of you who grew up any time before the 1990’s, you know of what I speak, I am sure. We grew up in the haze of tobacco smoke!

Of course, like most of us, that first experience was not good. The big kid whom I was with, instructed me to take a huge drag and as I did, my lungs filled up with smoke and I just about turned green! Not wanting to be labeled an ‘uncool kid’ I did my best to stifle the coughing and hacking I wished I could do, but I can tell you I was hating life. So, I often wonder how that kid ended up with a three pack a day habit?

I guess I could blame it on society, or I could claim it was my father’s fault. He caught me smoking when I was about twelve, I guess, he simply said, “I don’t care if you smoke, as long as you can afford to buy your own cigarettes. Don’t be stealing mine!” But to tell you the truth, I know now that it was just part of my addictive personality. Once I started, I was hooked.

By the time I was in high school, even though I attended a boarding school Catholic seminary, I still found ways to smoke a few cigarettes every week. Before graduation, I had a half a pack a day habit. Nothing from that point controlled it. You see, the crazy thing about smoking back then was it became part of everything I did. When I got up in the morning, bang, first thing, light up. Bathroom time another. Breakfast, ahh skip that, a cigarette and a diet coke will do. I had an aversion to coffee because I didn’t want to get addicted to caffeine, can you believe it. How laughable is that? Smoking permeated everything. And when I was drinking, forget about it, I smoked twice as much.

It got so bad that in 1992 I was in one of the highest priced restaurants on Sunset Strip in Los Angeles eating great food while puffing on a cigarette. That day I decided to quit. I know back then I did not believe God helped me but today, I know he did. Like an AA member, I sought a higher power to help me and after two weeks of living hell, I became a non-smoker.

Unfortunately, that was not the end of my nicotine addiction. Because I was still entrapped by other substances and refused to see God for what he was, in 2000 I began smoking again, during a separation from my wife. This was a very dark period and probably the closest I ever came to suicide.  I was so lost; I could not see any light; I know even then God was reaching out to me! But Satan was not letting go easily. And even as I survived that time and by 2002 was once again seeking to live, addictions held on. Including nicotine.

This time to rid myself of the habit I tried nicotine gum and of course, I became addicted to it. So much so I ended up in the hospital. Eventually, I was able to quit it all, but it was a struggle until 2010 when I finally excepted Jesus into my life.

Today I look back on those times with amazement that I survived, for one thing. But also, that I never saw God’s hand in all the miraculous ways he continually sought me. Here is a verse I claim and know is true: “As a shepherd looks for his scattered sheep when he is among the flock, so I will look for My flock. I will rescue them from all the places to which they have been scattered on a day of clouds and darkness.” (Ezekiel 34:12) I know that God saves in so many ways and that I needed every one of them. Especially with my deep addiction to nicotine.

I cannot leave this subject without a warning to those who think that modern devices for injecting nicotine into their bodies are safer and not as harmful as smoking. The jury is still out on what vaping does to the body. But I can guarantee that nicotine is still addicting in any form and it will rule your life! So, take it from an addict, and listen to this sound advised not from me but from God’s Word, “As has just been said: “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion.” (Hebrews 3:15) Peace to you all my brothers and sisters! May you all live and addiction free life!

Blessings,

John

7/24/19

Home! What does the word mean to you? I have to say that most of my life it was as the old song goes, “…wherever I hang my hat…” Seeing I have lived in many different places and very few of them could fit the definition of what most Americans think of when they hear that word.

Here is what I found on the internet when I typed in the word ‘home’”

1. The place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or a household.
2. An institution for people needing professional care or supervision.

So, if I am going to go by these, I have had times where I would say I have fulfilled number one, kind of. I think the word permanently is a little extreme in my case.  And as far as the second one goes, I have ‘lived’ in places that fit that definition, but they certainly were not considered home by any of the ‘residents’.

So why this big rig-a-ma-role about the word home. Well as most of you who have been reading my few and far between blogs this summer might know, we have been away from ‘home’ a whole bunch. And I got to thinking as I was driving the 14 or more hours it takes to get from Keene, Texas to Byron, Georgia how good it was going to feel to be home. And to tell you the truth, that struck me as funny. I mean, is the brick house, in the small Georgia town of Byron, really my home? And as I sat bleary eyed, driving almost endlessly, I could only answer yes and no.

Just a little over 2 ½ years ago I was merrily living in a double wide trailer on the out skirts of the booming metropolis of Grants Pass, Oregon. I was pretty sure that humble abode would be my home until I met my demise, or the Lord came in the clouds of glory. Yet because I met and fell in love with a schoolteacher in Georgia, I pulled up stakes from there and traveled across the entire country to now call the red brick house my home. And yes, I can honestly say it is my home, mainly because of another famous saying, “Home is where the heart is!” And wherever RuthAnn is, that is where my heart resides. So, yes, but why is there still a ‘no’ to deal with? I think I will need the Bible to answer that.

Listen to this beautiful verse, “For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.” (2 Corinthians 5:1) Or how about this, “For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.” (Hebrews 13:14) The truth is that we are all sojourners, travelers in a place that is not our home. Once my mind went in this direction, I wondered, “Does God seek us all to wander as nomads? Is our home a burden which keeps us from fully seeking God and serving him?” These were serious questions and I needed to answer them.

For sure Jesus himself did not have a home as defined earlier in this blog, this is what he said about his housing situation, “The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.” (Matthew 8:20) But how does that help answer my questions? For that it I needed to spend some of my driving time in prayer and here is where the Holy Spirit led me.

God does not begrudge us a home, unless that home or more so the house becomes where our heart is. It really just comes down to what the Apostle Paul said, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8 38-39) When love of my house or my need to have all it comforts take precedence over my love and service of God then I have lost the idea of what God desires for us here and in our homeland to come.

So, when I finally reached home after our extended travels, I was blessed to sleep in our bed and under our roof. But as I was falling asleep I knew that if tomorrow these things were taken from us, we would and could celebrate in the comfort of Jesus words, “Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?  And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?  And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.” (Matthew 6: 26-29) I slept well knowing both RuthAnn and I did believe home is where our heart is and that is anywhere with Jesus, trusting in him!

Blessings

John

7/18/19

It has been a crazy summer. We have logged over 7000 miles on the road. I think we have been in or traveled through 18 states. We have dug dinosaur bones along side our grandkids, spent time near the nation’s capital to be part of a daughter’s wedding and now are in Texas working on renovations to our son’s house.

During the last two months we have seen and experienced God’s creation in so many ways. Morning sunrises while sitting in front of our tent on the high plains of Wyoming. Or waking during the chilly nights there only to view so many stars above us, you would not believe the sky could contain them all. Driving across flooded river plains and seeing the power of swollen rivers. And driving through thunderstorms, lightening flashing over a sea of green prairie grasses. Texas ‘big skies’ and southern heat so intense you sweat just sitting sipping on a bottle of water. We are blessed living in a country so big and filled with the wonders of God. And I have been blessed to spend a few months this summer absorbing it all.

It has not all been joyful. Many hours of tedious driving, sometimes with sullen or grumpy grandkids in the backseat. Cold nights in a tent, no matter how deep I buried myself in my sleeping bag, I was still freezing. Nights in motels. And lately the terrible, our son falling off a ladder and breaking three bones in his foot while we were working on his house. Even with these trials mixed in we have had a glorious summer, so far. So, what is my point?

I guess, to me it is times like these that allow me to see the working of God’s plan in my life. But not just mine. No, as I was driving through the flooded plains along the Missouri and Mississippi Rivers, l was reminded that we are living in troubled times, where natural disasters are becoming so common place there is no way to keep up with it all. Ask those who just survived the two major earthquakes in Southern California. But Jesus did warn us, and we must be aware that in the end days these things would come: “Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near. Even so, when you see all these things, you know that it is near, right at the door.” (Matthew 24: 32-33) And as I drove, I prayed for those affected by these terrible times but also saw that we have no time to waste, Jesus is coming soon, and we all need to be about the Father’s business.

Yet, even as these terrible events take place, there is still so much hope. As we were driving through the high plains grasslands, I thought how even in this world where misery has become so common place, that we have a promise of a place that would be more peaceful and magnificent then the miles of whispering grass, with so many shades of green: “Therefore, “they are before the throne of God and serve him day and night in his temple; and he who sits on the throne will shelter them with his presence. ‘Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat down on them,’ nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; ‘he will lead them to springs of living water.’ ‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.'” (Revelation 7: 15-17) Can you imagine it? The beauty of this earth cannot compare, but for now I am blessed to know there is still so much beauty to be seen.

And then there are the myriads of people we have seen and some of them we have even met in our travels. The diversity! We were in a Walmart in Scotts Bluff, Nebraska. It is an area heavily populated with Native Americans. And the folks wandering around the store showed that is so. But as I looked closer, I saw such a variety of people! Here in this little town in the center of our country. I imagined every race was in that place and I thought, “How cool is this!” Again, reminding me of what heaven will be like and what our world should be today. A place where all people, God’s children can exist together: “From one man he created all the nations throughout the whole earth. He decided beforehand when they should rise and fall, and he determined their boundaries.” (Acts 17:26) It is still God’s world and you know what, it is still a beautiful place.

Soon we return home and believe me that will be good. I miss our home and I especially miss our church and church family. And there is so much to be done! No, I am not talking about mowing the lawn and cleaning house. Those things do need attending to. But RuthAnn and I have been refreshed and blessed this summer and we have been recharged and ready to do God’s work. I pray you are ready too!

Blessings
John
7/10/19