I started writing this blog to testify about how a God hating, addicted man could become a believer in Jesus Christ. Over the past 2 ½ years I have written many blogs speaking about the depth of my drug and alcohol addictions, but I have never talked about the most addicting substance I ever encountered, nicotine.
Here are just a few facts about nicotine that might surprise some of you who never used it in any form:
- Nicotine is at least as difficult to give up as heroin.
- The side effects of nicotine can affect the heart, hormones, and gastrointestinal system.
- There are more than one billion tobacco smokers worldwide.
When I was about eight, I guess, I tried to smoke my first cigarette. At that time everyone I knew smoked. My father and mother, of course. But also, my priest, basketball coach and the list goes on and on. I went to the movies and there it was not only on the screen, but some movie theaters had smoking sections. In the grocery store, mothers dragging their kids around with a cigarette hanging out of their mouths. For those of you who grew up any time before the 1990’s, you know of what I speak, I am sure. We grew up in the haze of tobacco smoke!
Of course, like most of us, that first experience was not good. The big kid whom I was with, instructed me to take a huge drag and as I did, my lungs filled up with smoke and I just about turned green! Not wanting to be labeled an ‘uncool kid’ I did my best to stifle the coughing and hacking I wished I could do, but I can tell you I was hating life. So, I often wonder how that kid ended up with a three pack a day habit?
I guess I could blame it on society, or I could claim it was my father’s fault. He caught me smoking when I was about twelve, I guess, he simply said, “I don’t care if you smoke, as long as you can afford to buy your own cigarettes. Don’t be stealing mine!” But to tell you the truth, I know now that it was just part of my addictive personality. Once I started, I was hooked.
By the time I was in high school, even though I attended a boarding school Catholic seminary, I still found ways to smoke a few cigarettes every week. Before graduation, I had a half a pack a day habit. Nothing from that point controlled it. You see, the crazy thing about smoking back then was it became part of everything I did. When I got up in the morning, bang, first thing, light up. Bathroom time another. Breakfast, ahh skip that, a cigarette and a diet coke will do. I had an aversion to coffee because I didn’t want to get addicted to caffeine, can you believe it. How laughable is that? Smoking permeated everything. And when I was drinking, forget about it, I smoked twice as much.
It got so bad that in 1992 I was in one of the highest priced restaurants on Sunset Strip in Los Angeles eating great food while puffing on a cigarette. That day I decided to quit. I know back then I did not believe God helped me but today, I know he did. Like an AA member, I sought a higher power to help me and after two weeks of living hell, I became a non-smoker.
Unfortunately, that was not the end of my nicotine addiction. Because I was still entrapped by other substances and refused to see God for what he was, in 2000 I began smoking again, during a separation from my wife. This was a very dark period and probably the closest I ever came to suicide. I was so lost; I could not see any light; I know even then God was reaching out to me! But Satan was not letting go easily. And even as I survived that time and by 2002 was once again seeking to live, addictions held on. Including nicotine.
This time to rid myself of the habit I tried nicotine gum and of course, I became addicted to it. So much so I ended up in the hospital. Eventually, I was able to quit it all, but it was a struggle until 2010 when I finally excepted Jesus into my life.
Today I look back on those times with amazement that I survived, for one thing. But also, that I never saw God’s hand in all the miraculous ways he continually sought me. Here is a verse I claim and know is true: “As a shepherd looks for his scattered sheep when he is among the flock, so I will look for My flock. I will rescue them from all the places to which they have been scattered on a day of clouds and darkness.” (Ezekiel 34:12) I know that God saves in so many ways and that I needed every one of them. Especially with my deep addiction to nicotine.
I cannot leave this subject without a warning to those who think that modern devices for injecting nicotine into their bodies are safer and not as harmful as smoking. The jury is still out on what vaping does to the body. But I can guarantee that nicotine is still addicting in any form and it will rule your life! So, take it from an addict, and listen to this sound advised not from me but from God’s Word, “As has just been said: “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion.” (Hebrews 3:15) Peace to you all my brothers and sisters! May you all live and addiction free life!
Blessings,
John
7/24/19
