Words of weapon, Words of grace…

As I have been blessed to share my testimony over the years since I was met, in the middle of all my junk, by the Savior, there is one question that comes up often: “How did you know your life was being transformed?” The simple answer to this was, I didn’t.  Yet, lately when the question has come up the Holy Spirit has led me to be able to define this transition through one telling change, language.

To understand this, you would have to know about my day-to-day way of communicating from my early teens forward. I learned early be it from my father or others who used words as weapons that even if I was not physically imposing words could beat others into submission. This became even more important to me when I entered the Ironworking trade. I was a young skinny kid among men who regularly settled all disputes physically. For sure there were times when I also took to brawling to make my point, but as often as not, would be left on the floor of some bar lying in the spilled beer and peanut shells. In the testosterone lit world, I lived in even this gained the respect I so wanted. Men could appreciate I was willing to stand up knowing I would be knocked down;  but it was not enough.

As I grew older if not wiser, one thing did become apparent the thing most feared in that world were words. In most situations I might not be able to physically overcome an opponent, but I could either confuse or put enough doubt into his mind by misusing the God given gift I now use to praise Him to stop a man in his track. Sometimes this would come in the form of false and vain glory flattery, throwing my opponent off guard. More often it would be foul and abusive language that hit at some flaw I had found in that person’s armor. It became my trademark and to my shame now, I was proud of it.

It is strange the way Satan can take the talents God has given us and use them for his purposes, through this lead us to worldly acclaim and even riches. That is exactly what happened to me. Over the years I gained a reputation for the ability to make companies money by any means necessary and as my physical ability to do the job ebbed, I depended even more on my use of knowing when to flatter and when to abuse, either way to lie if needed to get what I thought was needed.

In 2002 I was actually hired because of this ability. A fledging concrete reinforcing company in the Bay area of California was looking for a hardcore project manager. I was exactly what they needed. Hired as a minor part of the operation within months, my skill at using words as weapons helped me become the head of my department. I could manhandle the young project managers and general contractor’s project superintendents alike using mainly abusive language that became so foul that I was given a corner office where I could close the door so others would not have to listen to my tirades. As the years went by my reputation grew. I made the company money, and I lived on the idea that I was one of the best at what I did. Things went so well that when I asked the company to allow me to move to Oregon and work out of the home I had purchased there, they were willing.

At this point I have to tell you that my abusive language did not stop at the door of my office. Over the years I had destroyed many personal relationships. I was proud that I had never physically abused a woman but oh, the words. Even my wife at the time who had suffered years of it saw it was getting worse once I moved my office into our home. Now to her horror she would have to listen to phone conversations that were so bad that it led to our insulating the room I used to keep her from the worst of it, but still it flowed into our personal life.

Then in 2009 with no intent to ever be anything else than what I had been and what had earned me the good paycheck I now brought home, I was more or less forced to listen to God’s Word, the Bible. I would tirade my way through my 10 hour work day and then to let off steam it was my practice to walk for 45 minutes. Most of the time during these walks I would listen to books, mainly crime novels. It was during these walks because I could not read the Bible I had agreed to read that I began to listen to it. Why I did this is a long story that most of you know that have heard or read my testimony. Not having room here to add the whole story, let’s just say it was an agreement with my wife whose life was being transformed by the Savior.

It is written in one of my favorite books of the Bible, “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” That comes from the book of Hebrews Chapter 4 verse 12. The simple act of listening to God’s Word even with not yet believing was transforming and the first thing it transformed was the thing Satan had used to most, my language.

The cool thing was that I did not even see or hear it happening. Contractors, business acquaintances and mostly my wife were amazed that for some reason I no longer used foul language either over the phone or in my day-to-day conversations. I had been met by the Savior and He knew I could never follow Him into his kingdom until this transformation happened. It was my first step toward that kingdom.

Of course, as with all transformations there were consequences. It did not happen overnight but slowly I began to lose my ability to use language in any way as a weapon. Not that it was ever taken from me completely. I still fall into Satan’s trap even onto this day, but after years of drawing closer to Jesus through His Word and with a life transformed in so many ways, by 2016 after the death of my wife in 2014, I knew I had to make a decision. I would have to leave this world where I had made so much money because I could no longer serve the company as the person they had hired. The weapon that had brought me worldly success was now repulsive to me. With the help of my soon-to-be wife, I did make the decision to retire early and walk away from the world I had been part of since my youth. I would now try to use God’s gift of words to serve Him.

I have wrote all this because I now so well the power of words to destroy and to uplift. I think it is best expressed in the book of James, “Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” James 3: 5-6 The choice ours we can allow the tongue or our language to corrupt our world and influence those around us to do the same or we can choose to uplift in the name of our Savior. As for me, I am blessed to know the difference and pray these words will help you see it also!