Month: September 2021

The gift of time…

We were on a schedule. The clock was ticking, and we were behind. I couldn’t blame my crew, even though I would have liked to. They had showed up every day, worked hard and did what I had asked. No matter how I looked at it, it was my fault. Underestimating the job, bad planning and just plain out and out wrong thinking. Now there was nowhere to turn and nowhere to hide. I would have to go to the general contractor hat in hand and beg for more time. The problem was compounded by the fact that the contractor’s superintendent and I had already come to blows several times and I was sure he was going to relish seeing me squirm and even then, not let me off the hook even if I was only asking for a few more days.

As I left the jobsite that night, I had decided to wait till morning to work up all the humility I could overnight. Instead, I went straight to the bar and got roaring drunk only to end up sitting next to the very man I was supposed to talk to in the morning. Why was he here anyways? I had never seen him in this bar before and in fact I was told he was a tea toddler, one of those holy roller types. In my drunken stupor I decided there was no time like the present. I might as well bite the bullet and get it over with.

As I turned to him, I could see he was already looking me over like a shark coming in for the kill. Was he smiling or smirking at my pain? Then he did something completely unexpected he put his hand on my shoulder and calmly said,

“John, I know you are in trouble. In fact, I knew you were in trouble from the get-go when I saw you had underestimated your work on this project. I came here tonight to make you an offer. It is a onetime thing and if you refuse, I will never offer it again.”

He stopped and I was about to speak but he nodded for me to be quiet and continued.

“I have talked it over with my boss. I explained that you and your crew have worked hard and better than I could have asked. That I had pushed you to gain on the schedule. Now I wanted to give you one chance to have the time you need to get caught up.”

With that he stopped again and looked away. This time I waited, and he finally spoke,

“Tomorrow is Thursday, I will give you until Monday morning. If you have to work overtime that is your business. If you have to work this weekend. Do it. I am offering you the time you need to get out of this hole you are in.”

He took a deep breath and then lean toward me,

“You’re a good man, John, but it is time for you to think about your life and what you are doing with it. Go home, get some sleep and I will see you in the morning.”

With that he left, never allowing me to speak at all. I sat staring into my drink too drunk to know I had been given a great gift. Without asking I had been given the time I needed. I had been given grace.

Have you ever thought of time as a gift? I don’t think most of us do. Mainly because we are too busy filling time with all sorts of things that really have no meaning or benefit. Think about it. How much time do you spend on social media? Or how about sitting in front of a computer screen playing video games. A TV watching endless hours of reality show. I know I am guilty of at least a couple of these and so many other ways that I have wasted God’s precious gift of time.

The problem is that none of us have an unlimited amount. In my case I have been doubly blessed. Fifteen years ago, I was told I had very little time to live. Advanced prostate cancer was going to end my time on this earth quickly. But through God’s grace and his gift of time I not only have survived but have come to know Jesus as my Lord and Savior! He had given me time! But the question was and is what I should be doing with this gift. I have really struggled with this! But I have found a quote that opened my mind to a whole new way of thinking,

“Each day we should live as if we knew that this would be our last day on this earth. If we knew that Christ would come tomorrow, would we not crowd into today all the kind words, all the unselfish deeds, that we could? We should be patient and gentle, and intensely in earnest, doing all in our power to win souls to Christ.” Ellen G. White

If I woke up this morning and knew that this was my last day on this earth, what would I fill my day with? Maybe this is how I should think of God’s gift of time! Not as an unending supply but as this day, this moment being the last one I have and use it to His glory. James in his epistle says it this way,

“Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” James 4: 13-15

If we are living each day as our last and seeking the will of God in that day, I don’t think there is a chance of wasting the precious gift of time each of us has been given.

Back on that jobsite so many years ago my crew worked hard, and we did get back on schedule through the unexpected gift of time. Today each of us can think we have an unlimited supply of seconds, minutes, hours, days or even years but the truth is in the center of the verse I just shared,

“Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” James 4:14

The clock is ticking! Are you behind or on God’s schedule today?

Blessings

John

9/30/2021

True Reconciliation…

As I sat in the District courtroom a couple stood before the judge. It was certainly none of my business I was there to face the judge on a minor felony charge in which I had been summoned. Even though it was not my business, the couple held my attention. There was no doubt they were in the middle of a divorce. Each stood at their separate tables, lawyers at their sides. Neither would look at the other. I had been there myself not that long ago and watching this couple brought back all the emotions I had felt. I wanted to get up and go outside for a smoke, but my case was to be called next, I was told, so I sat now with head down listening.

It seemed pretty cut and dried. Irreconcilable differences. The judge was reviewing the property and custody factors, evidently paging through the divorce agreement. Then there was a silence. It seemed to go on for a long time. As I raised my head to see what the problem was. I saw the judge staring at the couple first at the woman then at the man. His brow was furrowed as he finally spoke,

“I have read all of your complaints and agreements on an equitable dissolution of this marriage. But before I finalize this decree, I must ask you both, is there any chance of reconciliation?”

With this I saw the man immediately shaking his head, absolutely no and his lawyer spoke it for the court record, I guess. The woman was not as quick to respond and leaned over to her lawyer whispering. I could see the lawyer trying to convince the woman of something, but she continued to be adamant. Finally, the lawyer shrugged and addressed the judge,

“Your honor, my client wishes to try to reconcile with her estranged husband and even though I have advise her that this is a drastic step at this point she is adamant…”

The lawyer’s voice trailed off. I noticed all around me people, especially lawyers seemed to be stunned. Even the judge sat pondering his next move. Looking back down at the papers in front of him, he spoke in a low voice directly to the woman,

“Madam, this is highly unusual. I would have hoped you would have spoken to your lawyer before we have gotten to this place. And I have to admit, you have put me a in difficult situation. I normally ask this question not expecting this result. But for now, I will adjourn this case till all parties can speak with me in my chambers.

With that he got up off the bench and left the courtroom. The bailiff called for a 15-minute recess and my assigned lawyer told me he would ask for a delay in my case because he had to be in another court soon. I shrugged not happy that I would have to miss more work but what could I do. As I left the courtroom, I saw the man arguing and shaking his finger at his lawyer. The woman sat crying as her lawyer seemed to console her. It all seemed so hopeless and useless to me there could never be reconciliation between two people like that.

It is strange and wonderful how God works. As I was listening to our morning devotion yesterday, I heard the word reconciliation in the following verses,

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Corinthians 5: 17-21

Listening brought back the memory of this small incident from years ago. Two people locked in an irreconcilable divorce, yet one clinging to hope that things could be made right. This brought me to think how different God’s relationship with us is!

For so many years I was like that man in the divorce case. Adamant that I wanted nothing to do with being reconciled to God. I refused to listen to any reason or council. Yet in the face of this. In the face of my anger and addictions God never said, “I divorce Myself from you!” No, just the opposite! He waited patiently until just the right time and in just the right way, I found that Jesus could make me NEW! A whole new creation.

When I realized that in Jesus there was no condemnation and there would be no holding my past against me, I also began to realize like Paul says:

“We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us” 2 Corinthians 5: 20

As I am reconciled to God, I can become the conduit to help others to find that same peace and joy. I could become an ambassador for Jesus Christ. And the miracle is that as this happens, I can become ‘the righteousness of God.’ Me, the guy who could not understand right from wrong. Me the hater. Me the lost son God was waiting for. Through Jesus’s sacrifice he offers all this to me.

I have to say I was blown away yesterday. These verses showed me once again God’s grace and love as shown through Jesus. I knew I needed to share it because the same reconciliation is waiting for you. If you feel unworthy, if you feel you have done too much and God cannot forgive, read these verses, claim Christ salvation as your own. God is waiting to reconcile you to Himself. And as you become that new creation you too will become Jesus’s ambassador to the world, you too become the righteousness of God! How cool is that?

Blessings

John

9/14/2021

What is Love…

How our conversation had wandered on to this topic I could not tell. Two guys sitting in a bar late on a work night. The place was mostly empty, except for a few of the die-hard regulars and of course, Jimmy, the ever-present bartender. We sat at the end of the bar closest to him and the old black and white TV that hung in the corner. If Jimmy heard our conversation, he was good at ignoring us. His gaze was fixed on the TV, an old gangster movie riotous and full of action. There had been a prize fight on not that long ago but that had ended quickly with a KO in the third round. Now it was Edward G. Robinson versus the ‘coppers.’

Still somehow with all the noise and drunken conversations about sports, movie, and work, we now were discussing love. There probably couldn’t be two less likely people to be expounding on the subject. Tom had been married twice and was now in the process of another divorce. And I was about in the same place. My second marriage was a shambles and divorce was just over the horizon. Yet, here we were maybe more out of loss and confusion more than expertise, trying to speak with authority.

Tom was sure he knew what love was all about. He had four kids and to him they defined what love really was about. He said,

“Ya know, women come and go but your kids. They are forever. You got to love your kids! Ya know what I mean?”

I shook my head sadly; I did know what he meant. Or at least I figured I knew what he meant once upon a time. I had not seen my son in years. Running from drug dealers. I had lost all contact with him. But I did remember how it felt to hold that newborn baby. How we laughed together and what it felt like when he snuggled up next to me, knowing I was his dad. His safe place. It was lost to me now. So, if that was love. Then I was lost too. Still, I answered Tom with stoic agreement,

“Yeah, you sure should love your kids. But is that all love is about? I mean, what about this stuff… love your neighbor as yourself? Aint, we supposed to do that too?”

Tom shrugged at this, as if it was nothing that concerned him,

“C’mom, John, nobody really believes that stuff! Look at all the wars and garbage that goes on in the world. Nobody really loves nobody. You can love your kids. Maybe you can love your wife or girlfriend. But that’s it! The rest is dog eat dog. You know that!”

Turning my eyes toward the violence on the screen of that old TV, I guessed I could not disagree. So, I just shrugged and fell silent.

We bothered Jimmy for another round and then headed home to our loveless lives. Tom only saw his kids on weekends, and I lived in a cheap motel separated from my wife and longing for the days when I at least thought I knew what love was.

Love is probably the most overused and misunderstood word in the English language. Buried beneath mis concepts of passion, lust, and even friendship we have become a ‘loveless’ world struggling to find peace and joy. Struggling to find a way to fill the void in each of our lives. Well, I am not going to tell you that I have become an expert or have all the answers. But I can tell you that I have THE answer if you are willing to believe.

The number of times the word love is mentioned in the Bible depends on which translation you use. It varies from 288 to over 500 times. But there is one single verse that answers the question of what love is completely,

“God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” 1   John 4:16

You see when you come to accept and believe this single verse it changes everything. All of a sudden, I can love even someone who hates me. I can love the ones who love me completely because now I know love does not come from me or from you. IT IS what the One who created us IS. And only He can fill that hole in each of us by living, abiding, if you will, in each of us through the Holy Spirit.

Sounds great! Should be easy, right? Should end all our strive and struggles! For me, so far, it has not because there is still that pesky word and reality called sin. Honestly, I still struggle, and I still fail to love daily. Yet there is such a difference in my life! That difference is that now when I fail and when I fall, I have the source of true love that allows me to get up and know His love for me is eternal. So complete that He was willing to die to save me,

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17

This is the game changer! When I am able to clear all the garbage and junk away and center my relationships, my very life on that love then I do not struggle I do not strive. His peace and His joy are mine and your too.

Long ago in that dingy motel, I cried myself to sleep. I longed to find the love I had lost. I wanted to know how I could find even enough peace so I would not have to drink myself to sleep every night. It was a long journey from there and it still hasn’t ended. But today as this day begins, I know I have a never-ending source of love. It is my choice to grab a hold and say like the hymn,

“…it is well with my soul!”

Blessings

John

9/8/2021

His Grace is Sufficient…believe it or not

It was a busy Friday night. The restaurant had been full since the doors opened at four. Heat in the tight galley kitchen was intense. Tempers and anger were flaring up among the kitchen staff and waitresses. As usual the head chef was barking orders and not making matters any better. He especially was on my case. There were a lot of sauté orders stacking up and as Saucier, the chef in charge of sauces and all sautéed items, I was behind. Usually, these kinds of nights were what I liked the best about being back in a kitchen after years away, but this night l was not in any mood to put up with Chef de Cuisine’s, my boss’, guff.

I was ‘jonesing’. It had been a week since I had snorted any meth or even had a drink. Once again trying to kick it all cold turkey. It just was not working. My AA sponsor had told me at the meeting the night before that I was at a critical point of my recovery. How many times had I heard that, from how many different AA sponsors? Why did I think this time would be any different? I knew what I needed, and no AA meeting or sponsor could give it to me. I just needed a long cold whiskey and coke and maybe about an eight ball of speed. How many hours till this shift was done? My heart was racing, and I really wanted to kill the ‘boss’.

Then it happened. An order came through for sauteed chicken livers. Now, I had sauteed enough chicken livers to clear out more than a few hen houses. But for some reason that was it! The boss in my face, the heat of the kitchen, my jones. I exploded across the room, sauté pan in hand. I guess I was going to throttle the Chef. I don’t know. But then something even weirder happened. Peace! Not like total tranquility or some psycho babble but a moment in the midst of all my anger, all my junk. For just a moment I saw and felt something different. It stopped me in my tracks. For years I could not explain that moment. But I know now I was given a glimpse of what I now know as grace. Grace that surpasses all understanding and grace so totally undeserved. Whatever it stopped me, and I returned to my station and finished my shift.

Has it happened to you? Have you been in an intendable situation where you could do something that would ruin your life, and something stops you? Have you ever thought about what that was that turned you away from disaster? Maybe it didn’t happen like the one I just described. Maybe you were guided to take a turn and go a different route than you normally do on the way to work only to find that you avoided a sever accident. For a moment you get a glimpse of something that has probably happened in your life a hundred times. Small things you have just called coincidence or mere luck. What if instead it was and is the hand of God? What if there are no coincidences, there is no such thing as luck. There is only God’s grace and mercy. If you believed this, could it change your life. It did mine!

No, certainly not at that time in my life. I would return to addictions and even worse things were still in store for me. But also, there would be several more times when His grace would save. His mercy would uphold.

I guess you could ask, “What took you so long?” Why if God revealed Himself to you so many times in so many ways, didn’t it change you sooner. To be perfectly honest I don’t have the answer to that. I can only say He has let me live long enough to know the truth and share it. Once again, His grace and His mercy!

So, why do I write about this? That one I can answer. I do not want anyone who reads this to wait. Today is the day to start looking at life in a different way. To test what I am saying is true. To read this from God’s Word and believe:

“But He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (Amplified Bible)

God’s grace is sufficient, even when you are not aware He is giving it freely. God’s mercy is eternal and always there even when you or I do not claim it. That is why I no longer believe in coincidence or luck. He has saved me for such a day as this. I will need His grace today and His mercy too. If you believe it or not so, will you! He is that loving that He is willing to give all no matter what. It’s your ‘lucky’ day!

Blessings

John

9/1/2021