How our conversation had wandered on to this topic I could not tell. Two guys sitting in a bar late on a work night. The place was mostly empty, except for a few of the die-hard regulars and of course, Jimmy, the ever-present bartender. We sat at the end of the bar closest to him and the old black and white TV that hung in the corner. If Jimmy heard our conversation, he was good at ignoring us. His gaze was fixed on the TV, an old gangster movie riotous and full of action. There had been a prize fight on not that long ago but that had ended quickly with a KO in the third round. Now it was Edward G. Robinson versus the ‘coppers.’
Still somehow with all the noise and drunken conversations about sports, movie, and work, we now were discussing love. There probably couldn’t be two less likely people to be expounding on the subject. Tom had been married twice and was now in the process of another divorce. And I was about in the same place. My second marriage was a shambles and divorce was just over the horizon. Yet, here we were maybe more out of loss and confusion more than expertise, trying to speak with authority.
Tom was sure he knew what love was all about. He had four kids and to him they defined what love really was about. He said,
“Ya know, women come and go but your kids. They are forever. You got to love your kids! Ya know what I mean?”
I shook my head sadly; I did know what he meant. Or at least I figured I knew what he meant once upon a time. I had not seen my son in years. Running from drug dealers. I had lost all contact with him. But I did remember how it felt to hold that newborn baby. How we laughed together and what it felt like when he snuggled up next to me, knowing I was his dad. His safe place. It was lost to me now. So, if that was love. Then I was lost too. Still, I answered Tom with stoic agreement,
“Yeah, you sure should love your kids. But is that all love is about? I mean, what about this stuff… love your neighbor as yourself? Aint, we supposed to do that too?”
Tom shrugged at this, as if it was nothing that concerned him,
“C’mom, John, nobody really believes that stuff! Look at all the wars and garbage that goes on in the world. Nobody really loves nobody. You can love your kids. Maybe you can love your wife or girlfriend. But that’s it! The rest is dog eat dog. You know that!”
Turning my eyes toward the violence on the screen of that old TV, I guessed I could not disagree. So, I just shrugged and fell silent.
We bothered Jimmy for another round and then headed home to our loveless lives. Tom only saw his kids on weekends, and I lived in a cheap motel separated from my wife and longing for the days when I at least thought I knew what love was.
Love is probably the most overused and misunderstood word in the English language. Buried beneath mis concepts of passion, lust, and even friendship we have become a ‘loveless’ world struggling to find peace and joy. Struggling to find a way to fill the void in each of our lives. Well, I am not going to tell you that I have become an expert or have all the answers. But I can tell you that I have THE answer if you are willing to believe.
The number of times the word love is mentioned in the Bible depends on which translation you use. It varies from 288 to over 500 times. But there is one single verse that answers the question of what love is completely,
“God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” 1 John 4:16
You see when you come to accept and believe this single verse it changes everything. All of a sudden, I can love even someone who hates me. I can love the ones who love me completely because now I know love does not come from me or from you. IT IS what the One who created us IS. And only He can fill that hole in each of us by living, abiding, if you will, in each of us through the Holy Spirit.
Sounds great! Should be easy, right? Should end all our strive and struggles! For me, so far, it has not because there is still that pesky word and reality called sin. Honestly, I still struggle, and I still fail to love daily. Yet there is such a difference in my life! That difference is that now when I fail and when I fall, I have the source of true love that allows me to get up and know His love for me is eternal. So complete that He was willing to die to save me,
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17
This is the game changer! When I am able to clear all the garbage and junk away and center my relationships, my very life on that love then I do not struggle I do not strive. His peace and His joy are mine and your too.
Long ago in that dingy motel, I cried myself to sleep. I longed to find the love I had lost. I wanted to know how I could find even enough peace so I would not have to drink myself to sleep every night. It was a long journey from there and it still hasn’t ended. But today as this day begins, I know I have a never-ending source of love. It is my choice to grab a hold and say like the hymn,
“…it is well with my soul!”
Blessings
John
9/8/2021
