Month: September 2019

“I do not believe a word you say!” I spoke in anger at the man standing in my doorway. He raised his hand plaintively and said, “John, come on. You know I will figure a way to get the money back.” I knew nothing of the kind.

Tom had already gotten our truck impounded. Sold company tools and now claimed he had been robbed when $1000.00 of company funds had disappeared from a deposit he was supposed to take to the bank. So many times, I had trusted this guy who had been my partner and friend for the last two years.

It had all started well enough. Four guys had gotten together and decided we could form our own Ironworking company. Each of us seemed to be skilled in certain aspects which would benefit such a partnership. Paul had business connections in the construction community, Tom had knowledge of book-keeping, Joe and I had been superintendents and years of experience to get the work done. How could we fail?

It hadn’t taken long to see that good intentions and talents were not going to be enough. We were getting jobs but Joe and my addictions for alcohol and drugs were making life rough for Paul who had most of his business connections through his church and most of them didn’t think they could trust people like us. Tom seemed to be taking care of the money but signs that he might be ripping us off started to surface. But we had commitments and there was nothing to do but keep moving forward.

For two years we struggled on. Money was always tight as Tom added to the woes with his dishonesty. Paul found less and fewer doors open to a company that allowed drunks and druggies to run their work. And Joe and I were at each other’s throats on how to run the little work we had. We no longer believed in our dream. We lost faith in each other.

By the time I came to Jesus, I had lost all faith in humanity. It seemed around every corner there was someone waiting to get over on me. It had infected everything, including my relationships. My friends were few and I really trusted none. My marriages continued to fail and I was always ready to blame everyone and anyone. Something was missing but I was sure it was in everyone else not me.

As I started reading the Word of God especially the New Testament something kept jumping out at me, the word faith. It got so that I googled it. And depending on the version you read it can be from 336 times in the King James to 521 times in the New American Standard. No matter how you look at it that is a lot. But the problem was I had lost the meaning of the word in my life. I mean, how could I ‘have faith’ when the only one I could trust was me.

I am sure some of you are saying, “Wow, no wonder this guy took 45 years to get past his addictions! He spent all those years trusting in the wrong guy!” If any of you thought something like that, to you I say “Amen!” It took me a long time even after I filled my mind and heart with the word of God to get it. In fact, it took a miracle. It took an un-numbered amount prayers of others and the Holy Spirit’s power to open my mind to see what so many find in a minute. There it was in front of me in the book of Hebrews, a book I had listened to and read literally hundreds of time. But one day only a few years ago my eyes were opened through this passage, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that has been set before us. Looking to Jesus the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or faint hearted.” (Hebrews 12: 1-3)

I had read about the witnesses in Chapter 11. They were called men and woman of faith. But it had not come together in my mind until I saw why I could have faith in one who cannot let you down, Jesus. Did you see in the words, “…who for the joy set before him endured the cross…”? I finally knew that the joy being spoken of was me, was you. Jesus died with the weight of our sins, lost to the Father, but did it with the joy of my salvation in his broken heart. How could I deny Him my trust, my faith?

And when I did, I found I could begin to trust others. No not because the world was any better but because I realized it was not about me. I understood better what Jesus tells us, “to love our neighbors as ourselves” and we can only do that when we see ourselves through a holy God’s eyes. Sin tainted but saved by nothing we do, but in the cross. That changes everything.

Those many years ago my company blew apart. There were years of repercussions. Mostly that I found myself increasingly isolated from the world and more enveloped in my addictions. I can look at it now through eyes not my own and only see the forgiveness God has shown to me. I pray today my faith in Jesus is stronger today than yesterday and ever stronger each day until the day He returns. Will you trust him today? Where is your faith?

Blessings John
9/30/19

I was alone, that much I was sure of. As I lay in the darkness of the motel room that I rented by the week, I was not sure how I had gotten there. Looking at the red glow of the clock on the old nightstand I could see it was nearly 4:30, I assumed in the morning because of the darkness that surrounded me.

My mouth was dry, my tongue was swollen and it seemed like someone had thrown sand in my eyes. Feeling around for the old lamp also on the nightstand, I pulled its chain and the small bulb threw a yellow light into the room. I saw my car keys on the floor next to the bed, I also saw that I was fully dressed. “What day is it?” I mumbled. Sitting up I tried to think but there seemed to be just a hum and a haze where my brain used to be.

Lowering my head into my hands, finally some memories started to creep in. I was pretty sure I had gone to the bar. I was pretty sure that last time I remembered anything it was a Saturday night and I was not at all sure what else had happened. Getting out of bed I went to the window, pulling the flowered drapes aside enough to peak out I saw my car parked where it normally was. “Man, what did I drink?” or better question, “How much did I drink?”

I sat back down on the bed listening to the old springs creak, for some reason I began to cry. As the tears came, slowly shaking my head, thoughts of who I had become began to fill and haunt me. As the fog cleared, I could see it had been another Saturday night filled with enough alcohol to float a battleship. There had been lines of speed snorted down after being laid out on top of a toilet tank, in a dank bar bathroom. There had been violent words as the bartender ‘86’d’ me. And there had been me driving, so drunk and high that I had no idea why I was not dead or in jail. My shoulders slumped and I felt back on the bed. “This is my life and I hate it!” I cried out. There was no one to call, no one who cared. I was alone. The tears continued until I fell into a tormented sleep.

Have you ever felt so alone that you think there is no one else in the world? I don’t care how you got there. Maybe, like me, it was addictions. Or maybe you have suffered the loss of a loved one. Or maybe through illness or old age you find yourself isolated. So many other reasons. I have been there and know that it is one of the scariest feeling I have ever known.

My problem was that I could feel like that in the middle of a crowd. You ever experience that? Here I would be at some party, everyone is mingling and seeming like they are having a blast. But I would end up in a corner, drinking more and more trying to fill the void that was there and would not go away. Man, I tell you, it was the worst. But I lived like that even in my relationships and marriages. Something was missing. I always knew it. But I could never seem find out what it was. The reason for that was simple, I was looking for the answer in all the wrong places.

I know if you read this blog very often you might think I am redundant in referring to the power of the Bible. But, my friends, the truth is that it holds the answers to every problem we can experience. And so, it is true when you feel that you are alone, God’s Word holds the answer.

The thing is that from the day Adam and Eve fell to the temptation of Satan in the garden, God has made promises. But His promises are not like mine or maybe yours. God keeps every one of His. And the cool thing is that the Bible is filled with proof that He did and will always do just that.

Here is one I claim often, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) I came to believe God will do just that. Even so there have been just as many times of ‘aloneness’ since I began my walk with Jesus. The death of a spouse. A move to a strange city. Separation from my kids and family. The difference now from my lost years is that I now believe. I have read God’s Word and have seen His promises fulfilled within the Word.

But if I am being perfectly honest, that would have been good but not good enough. What really did it for me was I saw when I prayed claiming this promise God did just as He said He would. After my wife died, He sent one of His ministers to lead me into a prayer ministry, it was just what I needed at that moment. I was strengthened. I was upheld. When I moved to Georgia, yes it was strange. But I moved here to share a my life with a loving woman who understood how such a move away from family and friends can be isolating. I felt His righteous right hand, through my new bride. I felt safe and began to enjoy my new surroundings and challenges. So many other times I have tried this promise and He has answered me.

That is so different from a Sunday morning so long ago. I woke up later that morning feeling completely empty. By noon I was back at bar trying to fill the void with something I knew, even then, would empty me further. But I did not know the saving power of Jesus and His Word back then. Now I fill my life with it and trust in He who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Today if you are alone and feel the need to know there is hope, please pray the words of Isaiah 41:10, “Lord, I am afraid please do not leave me here alone. I am sad be my God of joy. Life’s challenges have weakened me, be my strength. Hold me up with your righteous right hand.” Try it today, my friends. He is waiting to do all of this and more in your life! Claim His promise right now.

Blessings John
9/23/19

“Would you all just leave me alone!” I thought it but did not say it. Standing in the foyer of the church I had just started attending a few weeks before, I felt very uncomfortable. I knew some of the people but most were strangers and at the moment I wanted to keep it that way.

Church was new to me. I had not regularly attended one since I was in high school. In those days, it was a Catholic church. In fact, in those days I had attended a Catholic seminary during my high school years. But that was long ago and many an alcohol and drug stained years had washed under the proverbial bridge since then. Now here I was making small talk with Seventh Day Adventists and trying to appear normal.

The only problem was that in my mind I was sure that my normal was nothing like the normal these folks were used to. All I could think was, “What if I say something that offends one of these holy rollers?” Or “What if they can smell last night’s booze on me. I am sure that will let them know who I truly am.” And that was something I was trying to hide.

The decision had been made that we start attending church without a vote of consent from me. It was the continuing and ever-expanding ‘peace agreement’ I had made with my wife to learn about Sabbath keeping. I had about 6 months before agreed to keep from Friday sun down to Saturday sun down free from alcohol and take part in day long worship. For the most part I was keeping my part of the agreement. Last night I had snuck a few long pulls off the vodka bottle I had hidden in the shed but I not enough to get fall down drunk. I thought that was pretty good.

So, here I was at 10:30 AM on Saturday morning standing surrounded by people I was sure had never been near a person like me and feeling very much out-of-place. I was never happier then when time arrived and I could hide in the peace of the sanctuary. At least there it seemed the prying eyes were elsewhere.

As we sat down, announcements had just started and I was paying little attention. In fact my head was down and taking a non-obvious nap was my true focus. But then I heard a woman’s voice and for some reason I became immediately attentive. She was speaking of a recently started program called 777. This was a call for the worldwide church to pray once at 7:00 AM and once at 7:00 PM, 7 days asking for the latter-day rain of the Holy Spirit. I had no idea why this caught my interest so strongly but the thought came, “You need to be doing this!” It was totally bizarre but would not leave my mind.

The rest of the service and day went by but still the thought persisted. As 7:00 PM approached I was sitting on the couch and my wife was sitting in a chair opposite of me. I was a nervous wreck because I, me the guy who hadn’t prayed in years or maybe ever really, was about to suggest that we pray these 777 prayers together. And as the words came from my mouth I could see tears welling up in her eyes. It seems she had the same impression but was afraid to talk to me about it.

We did pray that night together. It was awkward and embarrassing but the words tumbled out. We also prayed together every morning and night until the day she died, when I sat at her bedside at 7:00 AM on a Sabbath morning my hand on hers begging the Lord to end her misery, ten minutes later He did.

That prayer for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit changed my life. Within a month, I was no longer a stranger at my church. My drinking on Sabbath never happened again and within months I was free from the addiction that had plagued my life for nearly 45 years. Less than two years later I was baptized. And I have had an abiding belief in prayer since that night.

My friends. I don’t offer advice or try to preach in these pages but today I am convicted to share that we need to be praying. It is also my conviction that we need the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, the latter-day rain so we can finish work and Jesus will return.

Ellen White in her book The Acts of the Apostles, wrote this: “Near the close of earth’s harvest, a special bestowal of spiritual grace is promised to prepare the church for the coming of the Son of man. This outpouring of the Spirit is likened to the falling of the latter rain; and it is for this added power that Christians are to send their petitions to the Lord of the harvest ‘in the time of the latter rain.’ In response, ‘the Lord shall make bright clouds, and give than showers of rain.’ ‘He will cause to come down… the rain, the former rain, and the latter rain.’ Zechariah 10:1, Joel 2:3. (The Acts of the Apostles, p 55)

Jesus promised this also, “I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever.” (John 14:16) Or “The Helper. The Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all thing that I said to you.” (John 4:26)

We are promised the Holy Spirit to be our Comforter, Helper, Healer. Our Counselor and Advocate. But we need to seek Him in prayer, “Ask, and it will be given to you: seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8) In these words Jesus tells us all is possible thru prayer but we need to take that first step. Prayer for the Holy Spirit, alone daily, in our churches together and around the world. If we seek He will be there and we can finish the work with the power only the Spirit can bring.

Almost 9 years from the date of that first prayer, my life has been changed. I am saddened that I rarely get to see those church members who accepted me with love beyond my belief. I now live across the country but am blessed to have a church here in Macon, Georgia who is ready to move forward in prayer on their knees. And blessed to be re-married to a woman of God who wants to ask, seek, and knock every day of her life and share that with me. Prayer to the Holy Spirit did all that in my life and I want you to share in it and is my prayer for you this morning. “Heaven is full of light and strength, and we can draw from it if we will. God is waiting to pour his blessings upon us as soon as we draw nigh to him and by living faith grasp His promises. He says that He is more willing to give His Holy Spirit to those that ask Him than earthly parents are to give good gifts to their children. (Historical Sketches, pg. 152, EG White) Grab a hold of His promises today, seek the power of the Holy Spirit. It will change your life and the lives of all those you touch.

Blessings John
9/16/19

Can you think of a question you do not want to answer? Just stop for a moment and think about it. There has to be some embarrassment or supposed failing that you would never like the world to know. I can tell you in my case even after over two years of public confession on these pages there are still a few things I have not allowed to see the light of day, at least not here.

I was thinking the other day that we spend a lot of time hiding truths from one another. Yeah, I know in this day of, ‘your truth is your truth and mine are mine’, that there are quite a few people who think truth is subjective. But the sad fact is that even this kind of thinking is a way of hiding. There are truths even if politicians and media try to convince us there are not. And it is only the truth that can set you free. We will get back to this in a minute or so.

In my addicted life I always thought of myself as a con man. I believed that I could tell the perfect lie and hide behind it. For the most part it seemed to work out ok, at least in my substance abused mind. I created ‘personas’. One I would use at work, the big tough Ironworker. Another one that I would put on when I was at home, the silent and insolent brooder. Out partying, the happy-go-lucky party animal. Gambling, the sure winner who seemed to lose a lot but never let on. So many faces, so much hidden but every one of them fueled by my insecurity and hopelessness and sustained by the substances I was addicted to. The one thing I knew for sure was I did not want people to know who I was, I feared that more than anything.

Then one day my life began to change. I read a book that I could tell was truth. It didn’t pull any punches, the main character in it made bold statements that either you believed or not. Things like, “I am the way, the truth and the life….” Or “I am the resurrection and the life…” Even “I am the light of the world…” Bold and unshakable statements that shook the hidden life I had been living. The character I speak of is, of course, Jesus Christ and the book is the Bible.

What happens when a con man meets undeniable truth? Well, I can tell you at first it was not a pretty picture. I mean, I have heard so many testimonies of people who encounter Jesus and instantly they are a new person. This was not my experience. I would say that mine was more like peeling an onion. Do you know what I mean? One layer at a time, one persona at a time had to be peeled away. There were times I felt so vulnerable I would run back to the core of my ‘onion’, hide in my insecurity and sneak a couple of stiff drinks.

So, I came to this place where I thought I had it all figured out. Jesus had peeled so much away. But the old con man does not die easy, I found that I was now donning a new persona, the lovable Christian. I liked this guy, so did everyone else. Gone was the somber brooder, the tough guy, the gambler. Even the party guy was gone or at least now he hid his partying. It was good enough, wasn’t it? After all, I was reading the Bible, I was at church every Sabbath and was getting so good I was asked to be a leader in a ministry. I was a changed man… or was I? I still had not been baptized. But I rationalized that I had been baptized as a baby that was good enough too.

The funny thing about the truth as told by and shown by and in Jesus Christ is that darkness cannot exist in its light. He knew that my onion still needed to be peeled. The amazing thing is that he did those vulnerable layers slowly, imperceptibly. One day about a year into my walk with Jesus, I stopped drinking. Just for that day or so it seemed. But then it was a week, a month, a year, a lifetime. My Christian persona could not stand up to the light of the Bible or the love so mercifully shown by our Savior on the cross. I was finally convinced the insecure con man had to die if I was ever to stand made new by Him. By the time I surrendered to baptism a few years later, Jesus had created a new man who still had layers to peel but knew in Him all things were possible.

Now seven years after being baptized, Satan has not let me forget the man I once was and boy, does he rub it in my face sometimes! But I referred to a verse early in this blog and I want to share it now, “If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” (John 8: 31-32) Every day I am in God’s Word. Every day I fill myself with the truth. None of my old personas can stand in the light of it. Nothing is hidden from it. Yes, there are still vulnerable moments, but I do know who is, The Way, The Truth and The Life and he is always there to say, “Follow Me and you will always be free. Thank you, Jesus

Blessings John,

9/9/19

I remember when the first Star Wars movie came out, I stood in line for an hour or more at the theater. I was excited and did not really know what to expect. Friends who had seen the movie had talked about the special effects, action and all the amazing characters. Even though I had never stood in line to see a movie before I was there with thousands of others around the country waiting and anticipating.

A few years later I was in line again. This time to see the Empire Strikes Back and my very young son was with me. He was even worse at waiting in line then I was. Constantly asking when we were going to get to our seats, fidgeting and even crying. To tell you the truth, if I wasn’t such an adult I would have been doing the same thing. Waiting and anticipating is not something I was good at.

But the fact is that I have spent much of my life in anticipation. As a child waiting for school to begin as the summer faded away. At Christmas counting the days with excitement with results that never lived up to expectations. Later as an adult I wasted many hours sitting in cars waiting for my drug dealer to show or when dealing myself waiting on a buyer. Anticipating that next big job, sure I would score the big bucks. There I was always waiting and anticipating. Life seemed to be one long line at the movie and I was always at the end around the corner and eight blocks down. Fidgeting, crying and saying, “Are we there yet?”

I don’t think I am that much different than anyone when it comes right down to it. We live in a world of immediate gratification and faster is better. Waiting for anything is just not acceptable. My problem is that I thought once I accepted Jesus and the Holy Spirit began to transform me all my angst against waiting and all my anticipation would vanish. I would become this patient persevering guy that is at peace 24/7. Well, it didn’t quite happen that way. Or at least not in the way I had expected.

What I hadn’t expected was that anticipation is not a bad thing or is waiting inherently evil. It just depends where my focus is. In other words what I am anticipating. Let me see if I can explain it better.

Most of my life what I was anticipating was what I like to call a ‘give me’. Something that would bring me temporary pleasure. The remainder of my time would be fearing what I call ‘scary things’, test results, money woes and the list goes on and on. And, of course, just accepting Jesus as my Savior did not change any of these things. It was only when I was ready to recognize and surrender all things to Him that my focus on all of them changed. The ‘give me’ stuff no longer held the luster they once did and the ‘scary things’ were not as frightening. Through prayer I found waiting on His answers was a whole different process.

That took a long time. Because even though I started to pray early in my walk with the Lord. At first, I just transferred all my ‘give me’ and ‘scary things’ into prayers and expected a vending machine answer. Plop, out comes the result as I pressed the prayer button. But it did not work that way. What did happen was I started to see results I had never even imagined. Better things than I had anticipated. Then I saw I could trust the apostle Paul when he said, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made know to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ. (Philippians 4:6-7) I saw I could wait and anticipate but now on ‘God time’, knowing He would answer.

I still do not like standing in lines. RuthAnn will tell you if we show up at a restaurant and there is a line, it is my inclination to find a less populated and popular place to eat. But I know my prayer life has changed, I guess you could say matured. Like the psalmist I believe I can, “Wait for the LORD, be strong and let your (my) heart take courage, wait on the LORD. (Psalm 27:14) I do trust His answer will be just right. I anticipate and wait but with hope and joy because I trust another promise, Jesus is coming soon! On that day all the waiting will be over and even if I am at the end of the line in the New Jerusalem, I won’t care one bit. In fact, that is one line I am looking forward to.

Blessings John