I knew I was in trouble. There really was no where to run or hide. But I would have to try. I would need to get out of the state. Leave everything including my son. But for sure I could not put his life at risk
It had started a few months ago innocently enough. Just a couple guys getting together for a few drinks and to share a few lines of speed. I can’t remember how the idea came up. All I remember was that it seemed so simple. A plan to rip off the drug dealer we had been working for.
We weren’t looking to make a killing just get a larger share of the goods and less a share for him. Start out slow. Step on the product, cut it down with a good additive. Steal a gram here and a gram there. Nothing big. No one would ever know. Then we could pool our money and buy more drugs from another guy we knew. Sell more. Buy more. That was how to beat the system.
Maybe it would have worked. Maybe things would have gone as planned if we could have controlled our own habits. Or maybe if we would have not gotten greedy and moved from a gram here and a gram there to cutting up larger amounts, partying with the profits and making it known on the streets what we were doing. It made no difference. The man knew and he was not going to let us get over on him. Now it was time to run. He had tried to take me out once, I would not be so lucky again. Run. Run. Run.
This was the turning point in my life. This is where I went from normal card carrying everyday joe to a guy on the run. And living on the run changes everything. All the contacts you have need to be broken. All the ones you love need to be left behind. Nothing can be the same. Running is now a way of life!
The problem is once you start to run there is no stopping. After years of it and even after I knew that those that wanted me dead were long gone, I still ran. Nothing could ever be permanent. Relationships were meant to be broken. Hiding from everything and everyone was the only way to survive. Until I was met by the Savior. Until He showed me a way back.
I don’t know if any of you have been or are on the run. It does not have to be as dramatic as the situation I was in. Maybe you’re running from responsibility or maybe it is to avoid the pain you do not want to feel. No matter what it is there is a way to stop. There is a place where you have to run no longer. That place is in the arms of Jesus Christ. Only He said this and means it,
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11: 28-30
Hey, I am not saying it is easy! There are a few things you will have to do. I have to admit it has taken me years to feel safe and secure enough to talk or maybe confess is a better word about it. But here is how I see it.
You need to be willing to stop running. Just stop. Cry out to Jesus,
“I am tired of running! I want to believe that you can make my life right!”
It is what is called a leap of faith. If you can believe that there is a God who loves you above and beyond what you can know or understand then you will begin to see the difference. He will bring people into your life to help. You just have to take that first step.
Next find a copy of God’s Word, the Bible. Begin to fill your mind with God’s promises.
For me this was hard. I could not read the Bible, but I could listen. If you are the same there are so many ways to do it. Free apps where you can choose your way to read or to listen. Just try. Give God’s Word a chance any way you can. I promise it will change everything. Again, if you are willing and ready you will begin to see,
“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12
Once you are ready, pray! Here is what God promises,
Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD.” Jeremiah 29: 13-14
One more thing and this is really hard! Admit you are powerless and have gotten things messed up. Once I stopped running, I saw what a mess I had made of not only my life but of so many lives that I had touched. It was then I could truly admit my wrongs and do my best to heal old wounds. But most importantly, not in my power but in the power of Jesus Christ. I could claim the promise,
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
I could not only stop running. I could be free of what I have been running from. No, not drug dealers or others who I had run from but from the reason I was messed up with them in the first place. I could stop running from the pain, the guilt and the insecurities that led me to my life of addictions and self-centeredness. I finally could trust that there was a Savior who could take all of it and He was running to save me!
Today is a good day to stop! Seek the Lord and He will be found. Man, life is so much better when you aren’t on the run!
Blessings
John
10/15/2021