Month: November 2020

“Hey, John, are you heading home for the holidays?”

 I looked up from my drink to see the jovial face of Tom Brookstreet looking at me questioningly. I lowered my head again thinking, this is why I hated the holiday season. I had answered this question in various forms many times already and my response to Tom was the same as it was before,

“This is my home!”

I said with a sweeping gesture of my hand that made him jump back a bit.

I was a bit surprised at his reaction. He now looked pained. Then seemed to survey the dark environs of the bar where we were sitting, and said aghast,

“You’re kidding, right? You aren’t intending to actually spend Thanksgiving in this dump, are you?”

That made me smile because I was sure Billy the owner of this ‘dump’ overheard what Tom had said. So, I spoke loud enough for him to hear saying,

“Ol’ Billy there is all the family I need! I aint about to abandon him on Thanksgiving. Yeah, Tommy, this is where you will find me after you get tired of your wife and family. Join us here and I will actually buy a round!”

With that Tom shook his head with dismay and placed a friendly hand on my shoulder,

“Come to our place on Thursday. Joanie would love to have you join us. There won’t be many because the kids are too far away to make the trip for Thanksgiving, and we plan to see them for Christmas. No one should spend their holiday in a bar. I mean, even Billy is only working a part shift on Thanksgiving. Right, Bill?”

Billy just nodded without comment and continued to pour drinks.

I felt a moment’s flush of affection for this man who I barely knew and his heartfelt invitation to include me in his family gathering. But as quickly as it came, I pushed it away. My heart hardened and I shrugged Tom’s hand from my shoulder. I responded with all the venom I could muster,

“Tom, you and I drink together, and I like you well enough. But I do not need your pity, or do I want to celebrate a holiday that is just a waste of my time and a drain on my pocket. If it were up to me, I would be working on Thursday. It aint no paid holiday for me. So, Happy Thanksgiving to you…. Hey Billy give me another!”

With that I returned to my sullen silence and Tom left me alone, with a sad shake of his head.

In the depth of my addictions I spend many holidays in darkened bars and in sullen solitude. There was no joy. There was no way out of the depth of depravity and despair in which I had buried myself. At least that was how I saw my life at the time. Tom was not the only kindhearted person who reached out to me. I rebuked each of them as I did him.  When you live without hope it is hard to believe there is any sincere kindness in the world. I was wrong then and it is wrong now to believe such a lie.

I know as this holiday season approaches there are many in despair and maybe for better reasons than I had back so many years ago. With a rampant disease that has stolen livelihoods and left many either ill themselves or dealing with the loss of loved ones. With political and social unrest that has divided this country into warring camps. With so many of us, especially our children, bombarded with information overload that has caused the idea of truth to become relative. Many struggle to see a path to joy as we approach this nation’s day of thanksgiving. What the heck to we have to be thankful for?

Well, I cannot speak for anyone else, but I have more to be thankful for this year than in any year I can remember! Here is just my short list:

-I know that I have a Savior in Jesus Christ! When I put this above everything else and I realize this earth is not my home. All of the sorrows that are being and will be experienced shrink in comparison. There is a refrain from a famous hymn that goes like this:

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives.

Today I believe this with all my heart. It is hope in the face of despair!

-Last October I celebrated ten years of sobriety! It is not being sober that matters so much to me, although it is so important. The real celebration is that I know my power over my addiction does not come from me. It is only when I surrender to the one who conquered death that I find total victory!

“I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me”- Philippians 4:13.

-In my wife I have found that true love is not a human thing. We share love that is not based on our frailties but on God’s strength. She is there when I fail to lift me and there to celebrate when I am blessed, as I am for her. In her I have found the living proof that:

“God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.” – 1 John 4:16

-I have survived terminal prostate cancer for 14 years! Doctors gave me a prognosis of no more than two years. I am still here and in good health for an old guy! I live daily with the total assurance:

“If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.” – Romans 14:8

As I have said this is my short list. There is so much more to be thankful for:

Being blessed to share the testimony of what God has done to save a wretch like me!

Serving others in a ministry that has allowed me to make friends from around the world.

Having family that has forgiven my transgressions and accepted my ineptitude and still love me.

The list can go on and on! And my friends, I do not list these things to boast. I know without the grace of God I would either be long dead or still sitting in a dark and dingy bar living a life without hope. I write with the sole purpose of hoping this will help you today see the joy in your life. Praying that if you do not know the Savior today will be the day you cry out to Him.

The one thing I am surely thankful for is those of you who have supported me in the writing of this blog for the last 3 ½ years. I want to leave you with the most amazing blessing in the Bible, knowing this is my prayer for each of you:

“The Lord bless you & keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you & be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you & give you peace.” –  Numbers 6: 24-26

Blessings

John

11/23/20

As several black sedans pulled into the center court panic spread through the converted motel, now an oceanside apartment complex. I heard them before I saw them. Hard soled shoes pounding up the old staircase to the second level only about twenty feet from my door. I sat on my sofa bed waiting for the inevitable knock. In my heart I knew I had nothing to fear. I had sold all of my stash last night and had just flushed my personal stuff down the toilet at the first signs of trouble. This wasn’t my first rodeo or bust, for that matter.

The knock came followed by a gruff voice being echoed throughout the complex,

“Open up this is Oceanside PD; we have a warrant to enter your apartment and check for elicit substances!”

I rose from the couch but did not approach the door. I loudly replied,

“I am coming to open the door; I am not armed and do not have any drugs in here and you can search all you want!”

I was wary of the idea that right outside my door were at least two armed police officers that were on edge and at the least sign of resistance it could get ugly. As I slowly opened the door, I was pushed back as one burly cop came through pinning me to the wall and the other with weapon drawn asked me to raise my hands over my head. As I did the burly cop frisked me and released his grip.

Soon the older cop was tearing my small studio apartment apart as burly guy kept an eye on me. It was strange because the guy seemed to know exactly where to look. He went right to the place where my stash normally would have been and then to the second hidey hold where I kept my stuff. Some one had ratted me out along with all the other dealers in the complex, I bet. Well, tough luck here. I was clean for once. I couldn’t help but smirk.

As I did the burly cop said,

What are you laughing about, do you think this is funny? It is guys like you, scum who deal drugs to children that make me sick!”

His statement hit a nerve. Who had told them I was dealing to kids? My expression changed and he saw it. It was his turn to smile sardonically,

“Not so funny now, huh, scumbag?”

I just lowered my head and said nothing. The old cop finished his search and walked to where we were standing,

“Clean, huh, John?

He saw my reaction to his knowing my name and said,

“Yeah, Johnny, we know you and all the other scumbags in this hole you call home. Your done dealing your poison in this town. As we speak, we are busting your supplier. You are out of business! I ought to arrest you just on suspicion, but we have bigger fish to fry. Maybe next time!”

With that he pushed by me. Burly cop gave me a pat on the cheek and said,

“See you around, snowflake! Maybe you better get that shyster brother of yours to get ready to defend you. I know you won’t quit dealing; guys like you never learn!”

With that he was gone too. I returned to my worn couch and sat. Lighting a cigarette. I felt myself shiver and as much as right now I was swearing never to snort another line or deal a drop to anyone, deep down I knew I would.

I pray you have never been in any situation as I have described above. I am sure most of you haven’t. I am just as sure that each one has had that moment when you sat swearing never to give in to the thing you have been battling with for years. It could be that piece of cake you know you should walk away from. Maybe you are in a relationship that is destroying you. You swear I am not going out with that person again. But you do. I get it. I have been there. I allowed my life to be destroyed and worse lives around me for years. All I can say if you are reading this today, DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE!

No, I have no cures, or do I have an instant prescription that will win your battle. My hope and yours too comes not from me but from a Savior that has all the power that we do not. That hope is in Jesus Christ!

I get it if today you read this and think you have heard it all before. Just another holy roller trying to tell you that you just turn it all over to Jesus and life will be wonderful. Well, my friend, I am not saying that at all. Faith in Jesus was not magic or instant for me. It took time. It took trust. It took effort. But mostly what it took was surrender.

But that surrender was one day at a time. Reading the Bible started the transformation. If you haven’t read this book, I get that too. I resisted it for years. But no other book offers you more. For me it came down to, what have I got to lose? I had been a God hater and only began to read God’s Word to keep peace in my household. It took months but I began to see a picture of a God who loved me so much that he would die just to save this man who had dealt poison to innocents. A man who had abandoned his son because he was on the run from drug dealers. He could love me and even more forgive me even when I continued to stumble and fall. That kind of love can be found no where else and that kind of love changed me.

There is a book in the Bible called Psalms. I am sure you have heard of it. In there is a bunch of ancient poems and songs. One of them was written by King David. You know the guy who killed Goliath with a sling shot. Later he became the Israelite king. He too struggled with sin. Stealing another man’s wife and then murdering that man. Yet David knew God and he knew that even after he had so grievously sinned that he could be forgiven and cleansed. Be made right. Here are some of the words from that psalm,

Be merciful to me, O God,

because of your constant love.

Because of your great mercy

wipe away my sins!

Wash away all my evil

and make me clean from my sin!

I recognize my faults.

I am always conscious of my sins.

I have sinned against you — only against you —

and done what you consider evil.

So, you are right in judging me.

you are justified in condemning me.

I have been evil from the day I was born.

from the time I was conceived, I have been sinful.

Sincerity and truth are what you require.

fill my mind with your wisdom.

Remove my sin, and I will be clean.

wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Let me hear the sounds of joy and gladness.

and though you have crushed me and broken me,

I will be happy once again.

Close your eyes to my sins

and wipe out all my evil.

Create a pure heart in me, O God,

and put a new and loyal spirit in me.

Do not banish me from your presence.

do not take your Holy Spirit away from me.

Give me again the joy that comes from your salvation,

and make me willing to obey you.

Psalm 51: 1-12

Maybe today you can start with these words. They are a prayer for help and an admission that you, like me are powerless in the face of whatever is holding you from freedom. Today is the day!

Years ago, I found ways to continue my drug addiction and even how to deal drugs while on the run from the law and my own life. I do not know if the drugs I dealt killed anyone, but I like King David can today freely admit, ‘Create in me a clean heart!” and know God will!

Blessings

John

11/16/20

Would you all just leave me alone!” I thought it but did not say it. Standing in the foyer of the church I had just started attending a few weeks before, I felt very uncomfortable. I knew some of the people but most were strangers and at the moment I wanted to keep it that way.

Church was new to me. I had not regularly attended one since I was in high school. In those days, it was a Catholic church. In fact, in those days I had attended a Catholic seminary during my high school years. But that was long ago and many an alcohol and drug stained years had washed under the proverbial bridge since then. Now here I was making small talk with Seventh Day Adventists and trying to appear normal.

The only problem was that in my mind I was sure that my normal was nothing like the normal these folks were used to. All I could think was, “What if I say something that offends one of these holy rollers?” Or “What if they can smell last night’s booze on me. I am sure that will let them know who I truly am.” And that was something I was trying to hide.

The decision had been made that we start attending church without a vote of consent from me. It was the continuing and ever-expanding ‘peace agreement’ I had made with my wife to learn about Sabbath keeping. I had about 6 months before agreed to keep from Friday sun down to Saturday sun down free from alcohol and take part in day long worship. For the most part I was keeping my part of the agreement. Last night I had snuck a few long pulls off the vodka bottle I had hidden in the shed but I not enough to get fall down drunk. I thought that was pretty good.

So, here I was at 10:30 AM on Saturday morning standing surrounded by people I was sure had never been near a person like me and feeling very much out-of-place. I was never happier then when time arrived and I could hide in the peace of the sanctuary. At least there it seemed the prying eyes were elsewhere.

As we sat down, announcements had just started and I was paying little attention. In fact my head was down and taking a non-obvious nap was my true focus. But then I heard a woman’s voice and for some reason I became immediately attentive. She was speaking of a recently started program called 777. This was a call for the worldwide church to pray once at 7:00 AM and once at 7:00 PM, 7 days asking for the latter-day rain of the Holy Spirit. I had no idea why this caught my interest so strongly but the thought came, “You need to be doing this!” It was totally bizarre but would not leave my mind.

The rest of the service and day went by but still the thought persisted. As 7:00 PM approached I was sitting on the couch and my wife was sitting in a chair opposite of me. I was a nervous wreck because I, me the guy who hadn’t prayed in years or maybe ever really, was about to suggest that we pray these 777 prayers together. And as the words came from my mouth I could see tears welling up in her eyes. It seems she had the same impression but was afraid to talk to me about it.
We did pray that night together. It was awkward and embarrassing but the words tumbled out. We also prayed together every morning and night until the day she died, when I sat at her bedside at 7:00 AM on a Sabbath morning my hand on hers begging the Lord to end her misery, ten minutes later He did.

That prayer for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit changed my life. Within a month, I was no longer a stranger at my church. My drinking on Sabbath never happened again and within months I was free from the addiction that had plagued my life for nearly 45 years. Less than two years later I was baptized. And I have had an abiding belief in prayer since that night.

My friends. I don’t offer advice or try to preach in these pages but today I am convicted to share that we need to be praying. It is also my conviction that we need the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, the latter-day rain so we can finish work and Jesus will return.

Ellen White in her book The Acts of the Apostles, wrote this: “Near the close of earth’s harvest, a special bestowal of spiritual grace is promised to prepare the church for the coming of the Son of man. This outpouring of the Spirit is likened to the falling of the latter rain; and it is for this added power that Christians are to send their petitions to the Lord of the harvest ‘in the time of the latter rain.’ In response, ‘the Lord shall make bright clouds, and give than showers of rain.’ ‘He will cause to come down… the rain, the former rain, and the latter rain.’ Zechariah 10:1, Joel 2:3. (The Acts of the Apostles, p 55)

Jesus promised this also, “I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever.” (John 14:16) Or “The Helper. The Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all thing that I said to you.” (John 4:26)

We are promised the Holy Spirit to be our Comforter, Helper, Healer. Our Counselor and Advocate. But we need to seek Him in prayer, “Ask, and it will be given to you: seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8) In these words Jesus tells us all is possible thru prayer but we need to take that first step. Prayer for the Holy Spirit, alone daily, in our churches together and around the world. If we seek He will be there and we can finish the work with the power only the Spirit can bring.

Almost 11 years from the date of that first prayer, my life has been changed. I am saddened that I rarely get to see those church members who accepted me with love beyond my belief. I now live across the country but am blessed to have a church here in Macon, Georgia who is ready to move forward in prayer on their knees. And blessed to be re-married to a woman of God who wants to, ask, seek, and knock every day of her life and share that with me. Prayer to the Holy Spirit did all that in my life and I want you to share in it. This is my prayer for you this morning, “Heaven is full of light and strength, and we can draw from it if we will. God is waiting to pour his blessings upon us as soon as we draw nigh to him and by living faith grasp His promises. He says that He is more willing to give His Holy Spirit to those that ask Him than earthly parents are to give good gifts to their children. (Historical Sketches, pg. 152, EG White) Grab a hold of His promises today, seek the power of the Holy Spirit. It will change your life and the lives of all those you touch.

Blessings John

11/2/20