“Hey, John, are you heading home for the holidays?”
I looked up from my drink to see the jovial face of Tom Brookstreet looking at me questioningly. I lowered my head again thinking, this is why I hated the holiday season. I had answered this question in various forms many times already and my response to Tom was the same as it was before,
“This is my home!”
I said with a sweeping gesture of my hand that made him jump back a bit.
I was a bit surprised at his reaction. He now looked pained. Then seemed to survey the dark environs of the bar where we were sitting, and said aghast,
“You’re kidding, right? You aren’t intending to actually spend Thanksgiving in this dump, are you?”
That made me smile because I was sure Billy the owner of this ‘dump’ overheard what Tom had said. So, I spoke loud enough for him to hear saying,
“Ol’ Billy there is all the family I need! I aint about to abandon him on Thanksgiving. Yeah, Tommy, this is where you will find me after you get tired of your wife and family. Join us here and I will actually buy a round!”
With that Tom shook his head with dismay and placed a friendly hand on my shoulder,
“Come to our place on Thursday. Joanie would love to have you join us. There won’t be many because the kids are too far away to make the trip for Thanksgiving, and we plan to see them for Christmas. No one should spend their holiday in a bar. I mean, even Billy is only working a part shift on Thanksgiving. Right, Bill?”
Billy just nodded without comment and continued to pour drinks.
I felt a moment’s flush of affection for this man who I barely knew and his heartfelt invitation to include me in his family gathering. But as quickly as it came, I pushed it away. My heart hardened and I shrugged Tom’s hand from my shoulder. I responded with all the venom I could muster,
“Tom, you and I drink together, and I like you well enough. But I do not need your pity, or do I want to celebrate a holiday that is just a waste of my time and a drain on my pocket. If it were up to me, I would be working on Thursday. It aint no paid holiday for me. So, Happy Thanksgiving to you…. Hey Billy give me another!”
With that I returned to my sullen silence and Tom left me alone, with a sad shake of his head.
In the depth of my addictions I spend many holidays in darkened bars and in sullen solitude. There was no joy. There was no way out of the depth of depravity and despair in which I had buried myself. At least that was how I saw my life at the time. Tom was not the only kindhearted person who reached out to me. I rebuked each of them as I did him. When you live without hope it is hard to believe there is any sincere kindness in the world. I was wrong then and it is wrong now to believe such a lie.
I know as this holiday season approaches there are many in despair and maybe for better reasons than I had back so many years ago. With a rampant disease that has stolen livelihoods and left many either ill themselves or dealing with the loss of loved ones. With political and social unrest that has divided this country into warring camps. With so many of us, especially our children, bombarded with information overload that has caused the idea of truth to become relative. Many struggle to see a path to joy as we approach this nation’s day of thanksgiving. What the heck to we have to be thankful for?
Well, I cannot speak for anyone else, but I have more to be thankful for this year than in any year I can remember! Here is just my short list:
-I know that I have a Savior in Jesus Christ! When I put this above everything else and I realize this earth is not my home. All of the sorrows that are being and will be experienced shrink in comparison. There is a refrain from a famous hymn that goes like this:
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives.
Today I believe this with all my heart. It is hope in the face of despair!
-Last October I celebrated ten years of sobriety! It is not being sober that matters so much to me, although it is so important. The real celebration is that I know my power over my addiction does not come from me. It is only when I surrender to the one who conquered death that I find total victory!
“I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me”- Philippians 4:13.
-In my wife I have found that true love is not a human thing. We share love that is not based on our frailties but on God’s strength. She is there when I fail to lift me and there to celebrate when I am blessed, as I am for her. In her I have found the living proof that:
“God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.” – 1 John 4:16
-I have survived terminal prostate cancer for 14 years! Doctors gave me a prognosis of no more than two years. I am still here and in good health for an old guy! I live daily with the total assurance:
“If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.” – Romans 14:8
As I have said this is my short list. There is so much more to be thankful for:
Being blessed to share the testimony of what God has done to save a wretch like me!
Serving others in a ministry that has allowed me to make friends from around the world.
Having family that has forgiven my transgressions and accepted my ineptitude and still love me.
The list can go on and on! And my friends, I do not list these things to boast. I know without the grace of God I would either be long dead or still sitting in a dark and dingy bar living a life without hope. I write with the sole purpose of hoping this will help you today see the joy in your life. Praying that if you do not know the Savior today will be the day you cry out to Him.
The one thing I am surely thankful for is those of you who have supported me in the writing of this blog for the last 3 ½ years. I want to leave you with the most amazing blessing in the Bible, knowing this is my prayer for each of you:
“The Lord bless you & keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you & be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you & give you peace.” – Numbers 6: 24-26
Blessings
John
11/23/20
