Lost now Found

I sat on the couch. The party was in full swing. The house I shared with Lani was full of people from both bars we hung around in and anyone else they had invited. I could see people surrounding the kitchen table as lines of cocaine and speed were being cut up and shared. Leaning back, I tried to remember what day it was. I closed my eyes.

Soon as I did I felt someone plop on the couch next to me. Then an elbow in my ribs. I opened my eyes to see it was Lani and she was not looking too happy. I cleared my throat and asked, “What’s up?” Stone cold silence. This wasn’t good.

Lani and I had been friends for a couple of years. But never had been attracted to one another. When her last roommate had moved out she had asked me to move in. So far, it had worked out. We got along well but now I could see there was a problem.

For some reason the noise in the room had increased and I raised my voice to be heard over the din, “Ok, what is the problem? Say something, I can’t hear your brains rattle.” With that she turned to look at me and said, “Are you happy with all this!” The question surprised me and I asked, “All what?” Her hand swept out in front of her slowly, “This… the endless partying. The drugs. The booze. Maybe just life in general.”

I leaned back again and thought, “Ah oh, I hated this kind of stuff. Life questions.” But I said, “I don’t know, I guess I am happy enough. I mean, what else is there?” She sighed and I could see she was on the verge of tears. As she attempted to light a cigarette her hand was shaking and I took the lighter from her and lit it. Silence for a moment, then she said, “I got a call earlier today. My brother has been diagnosed with a brain tumor and the doctors don’t give him a chance. Right now, life stinks and I can find no joy in it.”

I don’t know how many times during my ‘lost years’ I had a conversation like this one. A friend whose relative was dying or had passed away. A boyfriend locked away for some offense that normally had to do with supporting his habit. Or just a conversation about what an empty life we were all living. Anything that occurred during those years could steal our joy. It seemed to me that we were living a life of complete hopelessness and sought to sooth that with every substance known to man.

The truth is I don’t think you need to live a life of addictions to find your joy can be taken from you in a moment. I look around me and see that in our fast-paced world we seek instant gratification and mistakenly believe that is how happiness and joy is to be found. I know I chased it over forty years. It never happened.

One translation of Psalm 40: 4 says: “How happy is the man who has put his trust in the Lord and has not turned to the proud or those who run after lies.” That is powerful and begs the question, “Where do we find our happiness, in God’s promises or in running after empty promises offered in the world?” Turn on any device and you will be guaranteed a joyful life by just buying a product advertised in the endless commercials that permeate our media. Has it ever worked for you? I cannot say it has.

But isn’t that the American dream? Aren’t we promised the right to, “…life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”? My answer is yes. And we are blessed to live in a country where we can choose to do just that. And that is what it will always come down to, a choice.

I chose to chase joy contained in a bottle or a line of powder. Others seek it in possessions or careers. But Jesus challenged us with a radical thought on being joyful. He said, “Happy is a man who is humble, who mourns or is meek. Happy is the man who thirsts for the righteousness found only in God, or is merciful. Happy is the man who is a peacemaker or suffers because he follows the ways of a righteous God.” All of this can be found in what are called the Beatitudes in the Gospel of Matthew 5: 5-10, look them up and read some life changing words. The amazing thing for me is when I began to accept these radical promises in my life, I began to understand what the ‘pursuit of happiness’ is all about.

But I think the kicker that changed all my opinion about joy was when I read this the second part of Hebrew 12: 2, “…For the joy set before Him he endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Do you get it? Jesus’ joy is in our salvation. So much so He agreed to all torture, shame, and horrible death, just to someday be with me and you if you choose it, in a world made new. That changed me. That gave me hope. And in that hope, I now find my joy.

Can I say now that I am always happy as the world sees happiness. Nope, no can do. But I can say that I am always joyful. I find in this fruit of the Spirit, because in the end that is what joy is, Jesus gift to us. I can live a life fulfilled not in the things that this world offers but if I allow the Spirit to lead me, in a life fulfilled in the radical ways of the Savior. Humility that comes when I know Him who died for me. Peace because I trust in His promises. Mercy because He was merciful to me first. Allowed to experience His righteousness because of the cross and the grace of God. And so much more that I don’t have the room to write in a single blog page. But suffice to say, I chose Jesus as my endless supply of joy! It worked.

Lani lost her brother and we went on a three-day bender together. When those three days were done, even though neither of us would admit it, we felt even more empty than before. I regret that it did not open me to seek a better answer to life’s sorrows for many years to come. I can only thank God and those that prayed for me, because through Jesus, this sad addict has become a man of joy. It is gift He offers to us all, you just have to choose it.

Blessings John
9/27/17

“Love means never having to say you are sorry.” The famous line from the movie Love Story. If you were alive in 1970 you probably either wept or yawned your way through this film about a young couple from different worlds. He the rich boy, by the name of Oliver and she a baker’s daughter named Jennifer. They meet in college and are quickly attracted to one another. The story takes the normal twists and turns, as the rich kid’s father cannot accept that his son has fallen in love with a girl so below his station. But love prevails even as Ollie is dis-owned by his father, they marry.

Struggling through, Jenny works as a teacher to help her husband to get his law degree. Once he graduates with honors immediately firms are offering him good paying positions. All seems so wonderful, love will prevail.

But soon it is learned that Jenny has leukemia and as Ollie seeks to find ways to pay for her treatments, he turns to his father. More plot twists and turns but the final scene has Jenny passing away, as Ollie looks on. Enter the now grieving father, who can only apologize to his son. All comes to a Hollywood type climax with Ollie, saying the line once spoken by Jenny to him after he reacted to her in anger and tried to apologize. Now the son says to his father, “Love means never having to say you are sorry.” Fade to black.

Love, Hollywood style. Many of us have watched it and too many of us have accepted it as truth. When it is not being packaged by script writers, then it is being lamented or praised in song. In fact, I found a blog page by the name of “Toronto mike” that lists 1187 love songs, I bet there were some sleepless nights listing all of those! When it comes to movies, well the best list I found had over 1000 titles but could not claim to be complete.

So, if we watched every one of those movies and listened to every song, would we know what love is? If not, then maybe we could go on to read the 242 books listed by “Goodreads” as the top good reads about love. We would have to be experts by then, right? My advice is don’t waste your time. I have one book that will do much better and I am sorry to say it didn’t crack the list of top 242 best reads, the Bible.

According to the King James Version stats I could find, the word love appears 131 times in the Old Testament and 179 in the New. That sure doesn’t seem to compare with the numbers we have just been looking at. Maybe the concept of love in not important. Maybe God doesn’t understand love as well as we claim to. The fact is, the Apostle John say he not only totally understands it He actually is love itself, “…God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God and God abides in him.” (1 John 4: 16b)

If this is true why are we so lost when it comes to expressing love in our movies, our songs and even our lives. Maybe it has something to do with the last part of that verse. It says “…whoever abides in love abides in God…” and if you do so “…God abides in him.” To live in love, we need to live in God and then he will live in us. But to completely understand that we need to back up a verse, “Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him and he in God.” (1 John 4:15) True love, what the Bible calls agape love, is shown in Jesus Christ. When we accept Him then we can partake in the pure love that is from and is God Himself. God’s love is not stuff of movie and song. It is the real thing!

And we come to know that love when we see the extent that God has gone to save us. “God so loved the world that He gave his only Son, that everyone who believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. God did not send His Son into this world to condemn the world but to save the world through Him.” (John 3:16-17) But is knowing this enough?

We can see the love of God as shown in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. But it is not enough. Jesus said, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to make our home with them.” (John 14:23) It seems contradictory to love as we portray it to be based on obedience but not when we understand the triune God’s form of love. The son obedient to the Father, The Holy Spirit obedient to the Son and the Father willingly sacrifice His beloved Son. Each willing to serve the other. Love in its purest form.

Ok then, can we hope to have this kind of love? Not alone. Jesus promised us the Holy Spirit and about that Apostle Paul speaks of the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5: 22-23. On top of the list of gifts the Spirit offers to us is, love. The thing is that these fruits have been misunderstood as characteristics that believers can manufacture in their lives. But remember they are called “Fruits” which mean they can grow in us but not by our own striving but by the power of the Holy Spirit. The fruit of love may be the best example. We cannot produce the type of love God desires without the leading and the strength of the Holy Spirit. It takes surrender and prayer. But the cool thing is we can have real love that changes our lives. It is the real “Love Story” and it is found in the cross of Jesus Christ.

There most certainly have been a ton of movies and songs written about love. But one song I know might express a love that is beyond our ballads and show us love in its essence, called: “How deep the Father’s Love for Us” by Stuart Townsend, let me end this with one verse:

How deep the Father’s love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss-
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory.

That is the love that saved a wretch like me. May today I share it with you.

Blessings John
9/25/17

 

 

“You have got all the luck!” The woman next to me at the craps table yelled over the din of the casino. I nodded my head and thought, “Yeah, I am on a roll, for sure.” Lady luck was with me tonight.

I had come to Reno on Friday and now it was almost Sunday morning and my winnings had piled up. I had near $3000.00 in chips in front of me and that was not bad seeing I had arrived in Reno with under a thousand. And now the dice seemed to be getting even hotter. I was ‘pushed out’ pretty far trying to cover hard numbers and keeping my safe bets going. The next rolls would make or break me.

The lady rolling the dice had an unbelievable streak going and a crowd of gawkers were gathering around the table to see what all the excitement was about. I knew it had to come to an end and I should be pulling my bets back and getting some money down on the “don’t pass” line but I was sure right now I could do no wrong. For once luck was on my side and I was going to let it ride.

Before I accepted Jesus as my Savior, I trusted in Lady luck. I basically believed that all life was a crap shoot and my chance of winning was as good as the next guys. I lived my life that way and never saw anything that happened as more than, “Today luck is with me” or “Today luck is against me.” And seeing it was more or less a game, I was always “playing the odds” or “pushing my luck”.

I was amazed as a neophyte listener and reader of the Bible. I kept coming across these passages where the people of God would ‘cast lots’ to make decisions, I thought, “What the heck is this all about?” Was God an arbitrator of luck? If he was already talking prophets why did they need to roll the dice or throw the sticks, to know His will? To be perfectly honest, it confused me and I struggled with this for a long time.

What it came down to for me was, “Who is God?” This may sound like a basic thought to some of you and easy enough to answer but I was starting from a place of total skepticism. I needed an answer that could explain, and at first I really struggled to find that answer.

I guess you could say the break-through came in a cool way. I was listening to a conversation on a Christian talk show. One of the guests spoke of ‘luck’ more than once. Finally, a host of the show said, “If there is luck, there is no God.” The guest looked somewhat stunned but I think more embarrassed as the host continued, “Luck can be defined as chance and we know from creation that nothing has come into existence by chance. Our God is a God of design, intelligent design. If that is true, luck has no part in anything we know or see, including our lives. There can be no such thing.”

I am sure I had heard something like this before but in that moment, I got a glimpse of how big our God really is. But it also helped me to see that He knows in this sinned tainted world we would need outward signs of His involvement in our lives to give us assurance. Casting lots was not luck, it was trust in God for an unprejudiced answer, when man was not capable to do so. I think we find this in our lives today in a more intimate way because of Jesus Christ. It is called prayer.

From there I went on a Bible study looking for verses that would help me understand even more, to fill in the gaps. Today I want to share just of few of them:

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.” But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore, you are of more value than many sparrows. (Matthew 10: 29-31)

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 4: 19)

“The lot is cast in the lap, but every decision is from the Lord.” (Proverbs 16: 33)

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8: 28)

I came to believe, there is no luck. I looked at how many times God’s grace had saved me when I didn’t even believe he existed and I was amazed. I saw in His Word promises of trust and assurance. I saw in the cross His love for me. I was humbled to see that. And it allowed me to see the answer to who God is without a doubt, He is LOVE. I can say it no better than these verses from the Apostle John, “Anyone who does not know love does not know God, for God is love. In this love God sent His only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him.” (1 John 4: 8-9) God had a plan to save me and you too, it wasn’t luck, it was all about love, shown in an amazing way through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Back at the craps table years ago my ‘luck’ turned against me and soon I lost almost everything. I left Reno feeling empty. I had put all my trust in a something that did not exist and was disappointed again. Today I don’t gamble anymore. I have come to trust in the sure thing, that our God is in control and His Son Jesus has paid the debts I could never pay. I have come out a winner! What were the odds of that? The real question is if I trust all to Jesus how could I lose?

Blessings John
9/22/17

“I do not believe a word you say!” I spoke in anger at the man standing in my doorway. He raised his hand plaintively and said, “John, come on. You know I will figure a way to get the money back.” I knew nothing of the kind.

Tom had already gotten our truck impounded. Sold company tools and now claimed he had been robbed when $1000.00 of company funds had disappeared from a deposit he was supposed to take to the bank. So many times, I had trusted this guy who had been my partner and friend for the last two years.

It had all started well enough. Four guys had gotten together and decided we could form our own Ironworking company. Each of us seemed to be skilled in certain aspects which would benefit such a partnership. Paul had business connections in the construction community, Tom had knowledge of book-keeping, Joe and I had been superintendents and years of experience to get the work done. How could we fail?

It hadn’t taken long to see that good intentions and talents were not going to be enough. We were getting jobs but Joe and my addictions for alcohol and drugs were making life rough for Paul who had most of his business connections through his church and most of them didn’t think they could trust people like us. Tom seemed to be taking care of the money but signs that he might be ripping us off started to surface. But we had commitments and there was nothing to do but keep moving forward.

For two years we struggled on. Money was always tight as Tom added to the woes with his dishonesty. Paul found fewer doors open to a company that allowed drunks and druggies to run their work. And Joe and I were at each other’s throats on how to run the little work we had. We no longer believed in our dream. We lost faith in each other.

By the time I came to Jesus, I had lost all faith in humanity. It seemed around every corner there was someone waiting to get over on me. It had infected everything, including my relationships. My friends were few and I really trusted none. My marriages continued to fail and I was always ready to blame everyone and anyone. Something was missing but I was sure it was in everyone else not me.

As I started reading the Word of God especially the New Testament something kept jumping out at me, the word faith. It became so obvious that I googled it. And depending on the version you read it can be from 336 times in the King James to 521 times in the New American Standard. No matter how you look at it that is a lot. But the problem was I had lost the meaning of the word in my life. I mean, how could I ‘have faith’ when the only one I could trust was me.

I am sure some of you are saying, “Wow, no wonder this guy took 45 years to get past his addictions! He spent all those years trusting in the wrong guy!” If any of you thought something like that, to you I say “Amen!” It took me a long time even after I filled my mind and heart with the word of God to get it. In fact, it took a miracle. It took un-numbered prayers of others and the Holy Spirit’s power to open my mind to see what so many find in a minute. There it was in front of me in the book of Hebrews, a book I had listened to and read literally hundreds of time. But one day only a few years ago my eyes were opened through this passage, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that has been set before us. Looking to Jesus the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or faint hearted.” (Hebrews 12: 1-3)

I had read about the witnesses in Chapter 11. They were called men and woman of faith. But it had not come together in my mind until I saw why I could have faith in one who cannot let you down, Jesus. Did you see it in these words, “…who for the joy set before him endured the cross…”? I finally knew that the joy being spoken of was me, was you. Jesus died with the weight of our sins, lost to the Father, but did it with the joy of my salvation in his broken heart. How could I deny Him my trust, my faith?

And when I did, I found I could begin to trust others. No not because the world was any better but because I realized it was not about me. I understood better what Jesus tells us, “to love our neighbors as ourselves” and we can only do that when we see ourselves through a holy God’s eyes. Sin tainted but saved by nothing we do, but in the cross. That changes everything.

Those many years ago my company blew apart. There were years of repercussions. Mostly that I found myself increasingly isolated from the world and more enveloped in my addictions. I can look at it now through eyes not my own and only see the forgiveness God has shown to me. I pray today my faith in Jesus is stronger today than yesterday and ever stronger each day until the day He returns. Will you trust him today? Where is your faith?

Blessings John
9/20/17

“Would you all just leave me alone!” I thought it but did not say it. Standing in the foyer of the church I had just started attending a few weeks before, I felt very uncomfortable. I knew some of the people but most were strangers and at the moment I wanted to keep it that way.

Church was new to me. I had not regularly attended one since I was in high school. In those days, it was a Catholic church. In fact, in those days I had attended a Catholic seminary during my high school years. But that was long ago and many an alcohol and drug stained years had washed under the proverbial bridge since then. Now here I was making small talk with Seventh Day Adventists and trying to appear normal.

The only problem was that in my mind I was sure that my normal was nothing like the normal these folks were used to. All I could think was, “What if I say something that offends one of these holy rollers?” Or “What if they can smell last night’s booze on me. I am sure that will let them know who I truly am.” And that was something I was trying to hide.

The decision had been made that we start attending church without a vote of consent from me. It was the continuing and ever-expanding ‘peace agreement’ I had made with my wife to learn about Sabbath keeping. I had about 6 months before agreed to keep from Friday sun down to Saturday sun down free from alcohol and take part in day long worship. For the most part I was keeping my part of the agreement. Last night I had snuck a few long pulls off the vodka bottle I had hidden in the shed but I not enough to get fall down drunk. I thought that was pretty good.

So, here I was at 10:30 AM on Saturday morning standing surrounded by people I was sure had never been near a person like me and feeling very much out-of-place. I was never happier then when time arrived and I could hide in the peace of the sanctuary. At least there it seemed the prying eyes were elsewhere.

As we sat down, announcements had just started and I was paying little attention. In fact my head was down and taking a non-obvious nap was my true focus. But then I heard a woman’s voice and for some reason I became immediately attentive. She was speaking of a recently started program called 777. This was a call for the worldwide church to pray once at 7:00 AM and once at 7:00 PM, 7 days asking for the latter-day rain of the Holy Spirit. I had no idea why this caught my interest so strongly but the thought came, “You need to be doing this!” It was totally bizarre but would not leave my mind.

The rest of the service and day went by but still the thought persisted. As 7:00 PM approached I was sitting on the couch and my wife was sitting in a chair opposite of me. I was a nervous wreck because I, me the guy who hadn’t prayed in years or maybe ever really, was about to suggest that we pray these 777 prayers together. And as the words came from my mouth I could see tears welling up in her eyes. It seems she had the same impression but was afraid to talk to me about it.
We did pray that night together. It was awkward and embarrassing but the words tumbled out. We also prayed together every morning and night until the day she died, when I sat at her bedside at 7:00 AM on a Sabbath morning my hand on hers begging the Lord to end her misery, ten minutes later He did.

That prayer for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit changed my life. Within a month, I was no longer a stranger at my church. My drinking on Sabbath never happened again and within months I was free from the addiction that had plagued my life for nearly 45 years. Less than two years later I was baptized. And I have had an abiding belief in prayer since that night.

My friends. I don’t offer advice or try to preach in these pages but today I am convicted to share that we need to be praying. It is also my conviction that we need the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, the latter-day rain so we can finish work and Jesus will return.

Ellen White in her book The Acts of the Apostles, wrote this: “Near the close of earth’s harvest, a special bestowal of spiritual grace is promised to prepare the church for the coming of the Son of man. This outpouring of the Spirit is likened to the falling of the latter rain; and it is for this added power that Christians are to send their petitions to the Lord of the harvest ‘in the time of the latter rain.’ In response, ‘the Lord shall make bright clouds, and give than showers of rain.’ ‘He will cause to come down… the rain, the former rain, and the latter rain.’ Zechariah 10:1, Joel 2:3. (The Acts of the Apostles, p 55)

Jesus promised this also, “I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever.” (John 14:16) Or “The Helper. The Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all thing that I said to you.” (John 4:26)

We are promised the Holy Spirit to be our Comforter, Helper, Healer. Our Counselor and Advocate. But we need to seek Him in prayer, “Ask, and it will be given to you: seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8) In these words Jesus tells us all is possible thru prayer but we need to take that first step. Prayer for the Holy Spirit, alone daily, in our churches together and around the world. If we seek He will be there and we can finish the work with the power only the Spirit can bring.

Almost 7 years from the date of that first prayer, my life has been changed. I am saddened that I rarely get to see those church members who accepted me with love beyond my belief. I now live across the country but am blessed to have a church here in Macon, Georgia who is ready to move forward in prayer on their knees. And blessed to be re-married to a woman of God who wants to, ask, seek, and knock every day of her life and share that with me. Prayer to the Holy Spirit did all that in my life and I want you to share in it. This is my prayer for you this morning, “Heaven is full of light and strength, and we can draw from it if we will. God is waiting to pour his blessings upon us as soon as we draw nigh to him and by living faith grasp His promises. He says that He is more willing to give His Holy Spirit to those that ask Him than earthly parents are to give good gifts to their children. (Historical Sketches, pg. 152, EG White) Grab a hold of His promises today, seek the power of the Holy Spirit. It will change your life and the lives of all those you touch.

Blessings John
9/18/17