Month: January 2018

Love. A four-letter word that seems to have more definitions than meaning. I do not mean if you turn to your dictionary you won’t find more than a few. Most of them will be a variation of, “an intense feeling of deep affection.” That is what pops up when you do an internet search of the word. Of course, that is for the noun. The verb takes on a more worldly and romantic define, “a feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment (for someone)” or “like very much, find pleasure in.” But how did we get to a place where our definition is so limited.

I think I, like most folks, was taught of love in relational terms only. As a dependent child, I turned to my parents and rightly so. But like so many children who have imperfect parents, the love I received was imperfect and maybe even tainted my ideas of what love should look like. So, as I went out into the world I sought love in relationships, again as I assumed I should. I had been taught that marriage was where I would ‘find’ love. So as soon as I was in lust with a girl, I concluded that was love and if I would have checked out my Webster’s Dictionary, it would have agreed. Having a deep sexual attachment is the verbal definition. On that basis I entered a marriage and my disillusionment grew. Sex certainly was not love, and disaster was the results of this. A child, I did not know how to love, was born and because of his parent’s disillusion, his life was affected. He and I are still estranged.

I made one mistake after another with my definition of love at the center. I allowed my addictive nature to gain total control of my life. The deeper I sunk into self-gratification the more allusive even human feelings became. I now sought love at the bottom of a whiskey bottle or in the next line of speed. Relationships and marriages came and went. I romanticized each one thinking, I had at last found love. The truth was, at best, I had found co-dependency.

It was true that my marriage to Dianne lasted 26 years, but the first 20 years we were more co-dependent and addicted than in love. Yet it was in that relationship where love, real love was revealed to me for the first time.

Many of you who have read this blog or heard my testimony know that Dianne and I met when she was my bartender. As a fallen away Seventh Day Adventist, her life was controlled by demons as was mine that neither of us understood about the other. We felt mutual lust and that led to marriage. As it had in my past lust and love were synonymous. Life together was never easy. All the demons we never discussed before marriage became issues in marriage. Yet strangely we felt a bound in our struggle with them and at the time I thought that was love. Then came 2009.

Again, if you know my testimony I apologize. But out of the blue in that year Dianne announced she was returning to her faith which meant keeping the Saturday Sabbath. I was still deeply in the throes of alcohol addiction and did not take this news happily. I won’t go into all the details here but for nearly 6 months we fought and argued about this. Finally, the agreement was made if I would not spoil the Sabbath and attempt to read the Bible, I was free to live my life like the devil if I wished. It was in this process I found the true definition of love, some of you may know this verse, “Whoever does not know love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4:8)

At first, I found this very strange and did not want to accept it. How can God be love? I thought love was ‘human affection’. Isn’t that what the dictionary says? Isn’t that what I was taught? But when I accepted that love was so much more, and I was open to the Bibles definition of love, “God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have life eternal.” (John 3:16) Then everything else I did and felt changed.

Love was no longer something I did alone or even with another person. Love was so much bigger. Love came when I surrendered all I was to Him who had surrendered all to save me, a man who had cursed His very name. Love was in the cross of Jesus Christ and as His love filled me, I could finally love others.

Dianne and I shared that love until her death in 2014. Then amazingly two years later, God led me to a marriage with a school teacher who lived a continent away. I now shared a love that is not centered on myself or RuthAnn but each day we acknowledge Him, and He rewards us with love so complete we are one, as He intended. How awesome it that.

My prayer for you today is if you are in a relationship that is struggling, turn to the source that can redefine love for you. Turn to He that is love and believe me you will throw away your dictionary and find joy you would never believe.

Blessings John
1/19/18

“There isn’t much time!” She said it with emotion but really it was out of fear. They were late for the ten o’clock train and there wasn’t another tonight. As they crossed the street heading for the station, he knew why she was afraid. On the surface it would seem that fear was from the idea of being stuck overnight without a place to stay but it was more than that. She needed to be out of this place tonight and so did he.

On a dead run they reached the platform in time to get onboard. Once inside the train both breathed a sigh of relief. They were safe, at least for now. The train began to pull away and put on speed. He put his arm around her, “It is over now!” he said with a smile. Her smile was grim as she whispered, “It will never be over.”

These are a couple of paragraphs from a book I started to write years ago. All my life I have loved books and especially detective mysteries. I must have read thousands of them. From Sherlock Holmes to modern day detectives like Kinsey Millhone in the “Alphabet Series” by Sue Grafton. I could never get enough. And it was a goal of mine to someday write one myself.

All of that changed as I accepted Jesus as my Savior. I mean, I still love to read and love the idea of a mystery but the books I used to read paled in comparison to the real-life detective story I found in the Bible.

Maybe some of you never thought about it, but the sixty-six books that comprise the Bible are some of the greatest stories of mystery and detection ever written. The difference is that none of it is fiction and all of it was written under the inspiration of God.

When I first started listening and reading the Bible I struggled with the world view, thinking that it was just a book of fanciful stories that none of it could  possibly be true. The weird thing is I found that the Old Testament stories from the books of Genesis through Job were so intriguing that they compared with any novel I had ever read. And to tell you the truth, even though at first, I refused to acknowledge them for anything but fiction, I could not help but be moved by their honesty.

If you have not spent a lot of time in the Old Testament the one thing you can be assured of is that the authors hold nothing back. A book such as Judges describe life in a way that everyone of us can identify with and even if some of the stories are horrific, we see a truthful depiction of ourselves with all our warts and blemishes. And more amazing a depiction of a God who wants to save us even when we are that awful.

But what about the ideas of mystery and detection I spoke of. Well, in every good detective mystery, a crime is committed. The plot as always centers around detecting who the perpetrators are and bringing them to justice. The Bible fulfills some of these criteria, but with a twist. At the very beginning of this book a crime is committed. A perfect society exists after creation. God and man are in a beautiful relationship. Then the villain shows up in the form of a snake. And like in the best novels, a crime of passion occurs. The snake convinces Eve that God is not being truthful, she could have it all. She just needs to break the one law He has set. Do it and she could be just like God. Eve commits the crime and Adam is convinced also. But here is where the Bible has a plot twist most novelists would find to fanciful. Even though Adam and Eve are guilty God spends the rest of the book proving their innocence by taking the blame for the crime and paying the price with His Own Son. In the end He dies in their place, innocent yet willing to save the very criminals that offended Him.

In the end the Bible departs from all man-made novels or books. It has stood for millennium because it goes beyond the power of just one dying to save another. You can find that in many novels, The Tale of Two Cities comes to mind. But this One who is willing to die to save those who have committed the crime is also the one who gives us the hope of life we can find no where else. In the end of this book, He conquers the very villain who had started the whole mess, Satan. And we are not only forgiven but our crimes are washed away in His blood. If we accept Him, we are held innocent before the judge. It is declared, “Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely, and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Thessalonians 5:23) An amazing ending.

I struggled with the Bible for years. But today I believe it to be God’s own words and our best tool for salvation. I no longer want to be a novelist, but I hope some of the words I write in these blog pages bring joy and peace to you. That is a blessing I never aspired to!

Blessings John
1/17/18

I was visiting a friend of mine, he was in county lockup awaiting trial. The charges were substantial but also circumstantial. He had been accused of armed robbery. And even though I knew he was capable of it, I also knew he did not do it. In fact, I could be his alibi and that was why I had come to see him.

But now as I sat across the glass from him, he was refusing to let me get involved. He saw I was looking at him as if he was crazy or something, but he continued to shake his head, no. I could not figure it out. Why would he not want to be out and free of these charges.

I talked through the old phones that allowed us to communicate, and asked, “What is your problem? I know you are not guilty and you know you not guilty, so….” I let the words hang as an accusation. Nothing but static came through the line and a I looked him I saw a dark shadow go across his eyes, then he seemed to lighten up and said, “Listen, John, I want you to let it go. I will probably go down for this but don’t get involved. I have my reasons and it has to be this way.” I could see his mind was made up, so I pushed back my seat as I was hanging the phone up. He motioned for me to pick it up again and I did. “Promise me one thing,” he said with a desperate look on his face, “promise me that you will leave here and never say a word. If the cops come to talk to you, say nothing. Promise, now where I can see your face!” I sighed deeply, but said, “Ok Roy, if it means that much to you, I will dummy up. But I think you are making a big mistake.” With that I hung up and left. Two weeks later, Roy Benson was convicted of armed robbery and given 10 years in the state pen for something he did not do.

I have thought of Roy many times over the years but lately as I have been studying Jesus atonement for our sins, Roy has come to mind often. You see, I found out about 6 months after he went to prison that he was covering for his younger brother, Jimmy. He decided to take the fall for a crime he didn’t commit because he knew Jimmy could never do the time in a state penitentiary. Roy was willing to pay the price to save his brother. And on a very small scale that is what Jesus has done for us.

Of course, Roy’s sacrifice was a limited thing. He did not die to safe his brother Jimmy, although I think he would have been willing. But as for Jesus, “The death he died, he died to sin, once for all…” (Romans 6:10a) His sacrifice was so big that all mankind forever is offered what should not have been ours, our freedom that only comes through the cross of Jesus Christ.

But there is a catch. Oswald Chambers says this in the outstanding devotional book, “My Utmost For His Highest”, “That Christ died for me, and therefore I am completely free from penalty, is never taught in the New Testament. What is taught in the New Testament is that “He died for all” (2 Corinthians 5:15)- not “He died my death”- and that through identification with His death I can be freed from sin, and have His very righteousness imparted as a gift to me.” It takes action on my part, I cannot be passive and just expect that His death will save me. Chambers goes on to say this, “The substitution which is taught in the New Testament is twofold- “For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” (2 Corinthians 5:21) The teaching is not ‘Christ for me’ unless I am determined to have Christ formed in me.” (My Utmost For His Highest. Devotional for October 29th) He became sin for me, but if I am not willing to surrender who I am to Him. I still end up in the prison of sin.

Roy Benson died a year or so after he was released from prison. By that time his brother Jimmy was also dead. He was shot in another robbery. In the end Roy’s sacrifice did not end up saving his brother. A very sad story. But nothing like if you and I are not willing to accept the sacrifice Jesus has made for us. His is complete and even if it amazes that God was willing to die to save us. Unlike Roy’s or any other human sacrifice, it was sufficient. We just need to surrender.

Today if you are willing He is ready. It’s a done deal and I pray you can find your way to the foot of the cross. I will meet you there.

Blessings John
1/15/18

“Who do you think you’re foolin’?” said the woman in the checkout line, loud enough for all to hear. The man next to her, shook his head then speaking in a voice louder than hers said, “I ain’t tryin’ to fool no one! You the one who is acting the fool!” As we stood in line we were a captive audience to what is becoming more the norm then the exception in our world today, folks living like they are stars of their own reality show. The problem is that there is no way to turn them off or at least turn down the volume!

Unless you have your head in the sand or are living on an island by yourself, you can expect to be bombarded daily with: rudeness, foul language, hostility, drama, and that is just at the grocery store. You would think we should all be horrified but quite the opposite is true. We crave it. Our society that moves at a faster pace each day, lives for the blurb on social media of the latest of a flash mob doing something that should embarrass us just to watch, let alone be part of. But it doesn’t embarrass, it is deemed ‘cool’.

If it was just social media that would be bad enough. But it is in our homes, work places and scarier than that in the people we have chosen as our role models and leaders. We applaud divisive language that is spewed out like poison and find people with morals to be boring, unopinionated or uninformed. The more outrageous rhetoric is judged to be smart and well-informed.

My question is, “can we find a way to live in this world but not be partakers or purveyors of the venom and hatred around us?” Maybe the apostle Paul can give some advice. In the book of Romans, he says this, “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2) Allowing ourselves to be transformed can lead us to dwell on what is good, acceptable, and perfect. A far cry from what this world offers. But how can that transformation take place?

I think it all comes down to how we occupy both our minds and hearts. How much time do we spend in the Word of God. If we wake up and speed through a devotional each morning and race through a prayer or two then are off to spend the rest of our day absorbing this world and its media. Our chances of being transformed are impossible. Author Ellen White wrote this, “Only those who have been diligent students of the Scriptures and who have received the love of truth will be shielded from the powerful delusion that takes the world captive. By the Bible testimony these will detect the deceiver in his disguise. To all the testing time will come. By the sifting of temptation, the genuine Christian will be revealed.” (The Great Controversy pg. 625) Without diligent not cursory study of the Bible we cannot hope to live in this world and not find ourselves always under its influence and sway.

When we look to see Jesus, we see that he was able to be in this world and not be of it. But He warned us that when we follow Him it wouldn’t be easy, in fact there is every chance we will be hated, “I have given them your word and the world has hated them because they are not of the world. I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but you keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth, your word is truth. (John 17:15-17) But if we are willing to know the truth of His Word we can find something better than this world can offer, life eternal with Him.

So today and every day we have a choice to make, Paul said it was conformity or transformation. To me it is life and it is death. Every time I choose to spend my time in God’s Word I know I am choosing life and turning away from the hatred and vileness that is our day-to-day world. I am now in a time of prayer, 10 days of prayer to be exact. It is my deepest prayer that I will come out of this time strong enough to live in this world but not be of it. I pray that for all of you also. Peace and joy as the Sabbath approaches.
Blessings John
1/12/18

“What to do when your inspiration is gobbled up by a computer? That is the situation I am in right now. I had a complete blog written nearly 1000 words and I stopped to work on a computer issue, computer reboot and poof my blog was gone. I mean lost without hope of recovery. Has this ever happened to you? You have spent hours working on a project and next thing you know it disappears. It happened to me many times when I was working with CAD programs and every time I would have this feeling of loss, of wasted time.

But today was different. I had felt inspired as I do often when I sit down to write. The words flowed well. I believed the Holy Spirit was working and I really love when that happens. In an instant it was gone. And even worse I could not reconstruct it no matter how hard I tried.

For over an hour I went from one emotion to another. First I held a ‘pity party’ for about 15 minutes. Then went through a time of desperation, believing there had to be a way to recover it. Then I got angry and wanted to whack my computer around, show it who was boss. But do you know what I never did in that entire hour? I never once stopped to pray and ask God if maybe there was a reason I wasn’t supposed to publish that blog, or He had another plan for me today. Nope, I only came to that after I had exhausted all my other options. Score it, World -1, God – 0!

At times, when I read the gospels, I feel superior to the apostles. Here they were living with the Son of God and they didn’t get it. Yeah, I can get feeling pretty good about myself. Then I have a meltdown over something as simple as a lost Word document and it comes clear to me again in a humbling way, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)

My problem is that I have short term memory loss. I can be humbled as I feel right now for an hour maybe even a day, then I when the next bump in the road comes along, I find myself back here again. The apostle Paul must have experience something like this himself, in the book of Romans he says this, “Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. So, I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being. But I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.” (Romans 7:21-23) Reading this it seems all so hopeless. We want to do good but somehow end up doing what we do not want. And if the next two verses were not added I believe that hopelessness would be true. But Paul goes on to say, “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ.” (Romans 7:24-25)

Yes, it seems like daily I struggle with the little things and maybe turn them into big things. For sure I turn myself over to pettiness and anger. But I can say thanks be to God, because there is a Holy Spirit to remind me that even as I am that wretched man Paul speaks of, in the end I believe in a Savior who saves completely. And He says it is never too late to turn to Him.

So today, I guess there was something else God had in mind for me. Instead of finishing my blog early and getting on with my day. I have had pretty much a full day of reflection on what I should do when problems of my life occur. I can only pray the next time a mini crisis hit home the Holy Spirit will bring this verse to mind, “Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 4:6-7) Good advice, don’t you think? Leave anxiety to the one who can bring peace. To that I can say Amen!

Blessings John
1/10/18