I am sure glad that not every aspect of my life falls under the scrutiny of the press. I can only imagine what things would have been written if my entire life had been made public. I had a small sampling of it back during my drug dealing years when I was swept up in a sting operation being arrested along with about twenty others. For the next two weeks the story was somewhere on the front page of the local newspaper. I certainly was not mentioned by name in the articles but people who knew me were aware that I was part of the scandal, it had an enormous effect on my life.
When I was released on bail, people I had been dealing to and with wanted nothing to do with me. My house, once a party place, now rarely had visitors. My job was also affected. At the time of my arrest I was a foreman who was trusted and even though most of the company knew I was a drug dealer, now it was outed, things changed. The superintendent asked me to do drug testing. That was a laugh, he was one of my customers. I understood. I also was given a written warning about drugs onsite and if I was caught with them I would be out, fired without recourse. All of this and in the end, I was not convicted, the cops had bigger fish to fry.
Still the experience of being under public scrutiny never left me. Sure, within a short period of time things went back to ‘normal’ but the circle I traveled in never treated me the same. There was no forgiveness for getting caught, for being ‘known’.
I still live with those memories. But I no longer care about the stigma being an arrested drug dealer. I now care more about the victims of my crime and the lasting effects of the poison I sold them. It is they I now seek forgiveness from and for. I am blessed that we have a God who does forgive. I am also blessed that we have a book that tells us how His forgiveness works, the Bible.
The amazing thing about God’s Word is all its characters are under scrutiny and none of their sins are hidden. But unlike the media which is based on bias and opinion this book does not expose to exploit but to show the wonders of God’s mercy and love. And to me, the one character that epitomizes this is my favorite Old Testament guy, David.
Talk about having your life laid out for all to see, the story of David leaves nothing hidden. Every act of his heroics as a giant killer and awesome warrior along with his grievous sins of murder and mayhem are exposed. Yet through it all the theme of his story is not of his glory or his defeat but of his relationship with God. And it is in this that we can find what allows David to live up to his name, which in Hebrew means beloved.
I think it is in the story of David’s obsession with Bathsheba that this is shown to an amazing extent. Most of us know the story. David is now king and as kings did in those days, David should have been on the battlefield with his troops. But he is at home when he spots a girl on the rooftop near him. Bathsheba and she is beautiful, he wants her. She is brought to him and soon is pregnant. Alone this is not good, but she is also married to one of his best fighting men, Uriah. David’s first solution was to try to get Uriah to sleep with his wife but when that doesn’t work, he orders his commander to place Uriah in a deadly position in battle where he is sure to be killed. And so it goes. From that point David’s life is changed.
He tries to coverup his sin but that ain’t happening. God sends one of his prophets, Nathan to expose him and here we begin to see once again why David is different, he confesses. How many of us today once caught in our sins will lie deepening our separation from God? But David now sees he has fractured the most important relationship in his life and writes out a confession, Psalm 51:
“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.” (Psalm 51:1)
David confesses his sin and throws himself on the mercy of the court. But unlike any earthly courtroom this Judge already knows David’s guilt but also sees his repentant heart and now not only mercy, but forgiveness is assured:
“Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.” (Psalm 51:7)
And unlike any other forgiveness David or we will ever know, this forgiveness is true because we are not just forgiven but renewed in God’s grace, a miracle:
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirt in me. (Psalm 51:10)
David’s relationship with God IS renewed but like with all sin there were repercussions. The sin he committed would echo through the lives of his sons and himself for the remainder of his life and beyond. His sin had consequences as do yours and mine. But David did not live in regret, he moved forward trusting in his God. And even though his life was not sinless God claimed him to be “a man after My own heart” (Acts 13:22) This man shown to be a murder, liar, was also repentant, humble, and loving. In the end God sees his heart and not his sin. A miracle certainly. And it is why I am glad David’s life was exposed for sinners like me to see.
When my sins were exposed because of that drug sting, I lied and was ready to do anything to stay out of prison. I felt no forgiveness because I sought it from those who could not give it. Many years later I read David’s story and I was encouraged to repeat his words from Psalm 51. I too wanted a new heart. I now moved forward also not living in regret but trusting my changed heart and life can be a hope to others. I want someday to stand before the Judge with David and hear the word, ‘beloved’.
Blessings John
2/6/18
