I was alone. The house was just about empty. It felt strange to me after so many years to be leaving the place I thought I would spend the rest of my life in. Back in 2005 when we had bought the house, it had needed so much work. It took over a year of driving back and forth from the bay area of Northern California to make all the repairs and do the remodeling. Now almost 12 years later I was ready to leave it behind.
In about an hour I would be picking up my new bride from the Medford, Oregon airport. She was flying all the way from Georgia, so we could drive back there together. As I sat on the only couch left, I felt both sad and overjoyed all at once. All the memories of the years gone by seemed to need revisiting.
I thought of happy times when family had come over. Kids, grandkids and even great-grandkids. How would I live without them dropping by whenever? Sad times in the year 2014 when this house had become a hospice for my dying wife. As I looked over in the corner of the dining room where the hospital bed had been, I remembered the final struggles of her life. Shaking my head, I got up and went out the front door to take a final look at the yard. It was winter now. The garden and all the flowering plants and trees lay dormant. But I could see them in their spring beauty. Was I sure I wanted to leave this place I felt so comfortable in?
As a chilly breeze picked up I went back inside. Thoughts of friends I would not see every day. My best friend Larry, how I would miss our Monday lunches. So many others. What about the Soup Kitchen? For five years I had nurtured and loved that ministry. How would I spend my Tuesdays? My family and my church family all now would be a continent away. Was this really what God wanted?
I guess that is a question many of us have asked. How are we ever sure that the decisions we make are God’s plan. As I sat in my almost empty house that day I sure had doubts. But when I thought about it I knew those were not really doubts at all but fears. And as I sit here in my Georgia home more than a year later I see that even in those fears I had trusted that God had a plan and I believed. As much as sometimes we want to follow our emotions, God says:
“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding, in all ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
But maybe you will ask is trust enough? Well, I don’t think God ever leaves you without practical assurances, if your mind is open to see them. In RuthAnn and my case there was a preponderance of reasons, good solid reasons to believe God was leading us to make our life in Georgia. And as we checked off each one of them the balance sheet on the ‘staying in Oregon’ side just didn’t measure up. But in the end, it was not for any of those reasons that I stepped out it faith with my wife. In the end it was all about prayer and another verse from the Bible:
“…For where you go I will go and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people will become my people and your God my God.” (Ruth 1:16)
As I prayed about the move, yes there were a ton of fears and I knew I would forever miss my family and friends. But this special love, that I knew was a gift from God, kept being coupled with this verse Ruth says to Naomi. I could see God wanted me to step out of my comfort zone. If I was ever to grow closer to Him, it was in Georgia with RuthAnn. I knew it was His plan.
By the time I reached the Medford airport, my fears had vanished and as soon as I saw RuthAnn coming toward me in the terminal I couldn’t wait to start our adventures together. I was home. Because home was where He was leading, it really did not matter if it was Georgia or Timbuktu. I was with the woman he gave me and really this earth is not our home anyway.
Our last year has been amazing. Trials and joys. But I have never doubted for a moment that we were exactly where God wanted us to be. And as much as I miss my Oregon family and friends. I have gained even more than this guy deserves. So today, my friends, if you are making a decision: trust in God, seek advice of Godly people, read his Word, and pray. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you, he will never leave your nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6) He’s with you, you can’t lose!
Blessings John
2/21/18
I love you and our walk with God.