I was never good at following rules. In school I guess it was a combination of things. Attending Catholic schools, I felt a lot of the rules were unnecessary or overly strict. I could find no good reasons to do many of the things that were required.
This became especially apparent when I enrolled for high school in a seminary. Rules took on a new dimension because of the demerit system that was established and enforced. The list of wrong doing was enormous, at least as far as my thirteen-year-old mind was concerned. Breaking silence before chapel and breakfast, one demerit. Running in the quadrangle, one demerit. Bed not made with military efficiency, yep, one demerit. And so, it went on and on. My first quarter in attendance, I came within one demerit of suspension. Twenty four of twenty-five. Not an auspicious beginning.
Unfortunately, it was then that I made a decision that would affect the rest of my life. I could not survive for four more years if I was constantly on the verge of suspension. So instead of openly defying I would use other means to stretch or break rules without getting caught. In other words, I became very adapt at lying and throwing blame off myself without alienating my classmates or even the faculty. I found out at a young age, I was a good con man.
My plan worked so well that by the time I was at the end of my sophomore year, I was elected Vice President of the student body and the President my senior year. Taking little out of the moral lessons the rules of that school were set up to engrain in my character. I instead learned it was easy to be deceitful and still play the game. In years to come this ‘talent’ would lead me on many short-cuts that led to dead end after dead end. But by that time, I was sure it was everyone else not me. Rules and laws were meant for those who could not figure out how to undermine them. Smart guy, John. Rebel, John…. Loser, John.
Don’t get me wrong. I was also blessed with a good brain and knack for the work I eventually took on as a profession. I did ok as an Ironworker. In fact, my con man persona fit the profession well and I advanced faster than I probably should have. But as I did I gained a reputation along the way that I could be ruthless and never developed many lasting friendships.
It was in my personal life where this attitude really took its toll. I could bend or break rules and deceive without consequences. Under the influence of alcohol and drugs I became even more convinced I could lie and cheat my way out of anything. But in the world of drugs I found I was a small fish in a big pond of con men and ruthless folks with even less morals than me. The dead-end roads started to happen more often. Jail time, failed relationships, a child lost along the way. Smart guy, John, Rebel, John…. Loser, John.
It wasn’t until I picked up the Bible and truly saw that God’s rules, His laws had a purpose. Man, I wasn’t ready for that! After all, I had fought the system my whole life! How could I now even think about what Jesus said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15) And as usual, at first, I thought I could be in a relationship with God and bend or break the rules. For sure all of them did not apply to me.
But the truth was I was caught for the first time. The more I delved into God’s Word the more I saw there were no short-cuts here. I kept reading things like “Never let yourself think that you are wiser than you are, simply obey the Lord and refuse to do wrong.” (Proverbs 3:7) or “But the law is ignored. And justice is never upheld. For the wicked surround the righteous. Therefore, justice comes out perverted. (Habakkuk 1:4) I saw myself in this verse. I had perverted God’s law for my purposes and others had suffered the consequences. I couldn’t hide anymore. If I wanted the transformation the Holy Spirit was offering my con man days were over. If I truly was to love the one who died for me, I needed to obey His commandments, 100%! Confess, repent and seek the Lord with all my heart.
Today I am on this path. There are those moments when I just want to cut a corner. I just want to rebel. The greatest con men of them all, Satan, keeps whispering, “It is only a little lie!” or “You can break that law, or at least bend it, everyone is doing it!” Yeah, he still knows what buttons to push. But with the help of the Holy Spirit, I have a choice. I can say the words of Jesus, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: “Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only.” (Matthew 4:10) Today I can choose God’s laws, through Him who is the way, the truth and the life. No more con, my friends! No more short cuts!
Be Blessed and have a Happy Sabbath!
John
3/16/18
