I thought I would take time today to talk about something I find hard to relate. Not because of fear but because I was taught as a kid to suffer in silence. But I know better, so I want to share. Some of you know that I am a cancer survivor. In 2006 I was diagnosed with advanced Prostate Cancer. After being mis-diagnosed for two years, I had been told it was just an enlarged prostate, it was a shock to learn that the cancer had spread to the seminal vessels and the lymph nodes near the prostate. To say the least, my prognosis was not good. Stage four and terminal.
My only hope at the time was hormone therapy and radiation. I started taking Zoladex injections every three months. They were not a lot of fun. Big needle injects a time release capsule into the belly fat. But at least it was effective. Within a short time my skyrocketing PSA dropped dramatically and an even better benefit, I could stop self-catharizing.
The radiation treatments came next. First, I was told by not one but two radiology oncologists not to put myself through the extensive regime, hinting all along, your going to die soon anyway. But with the encouragement of my urologist, I agreed to forty-eight treatments. Five times a week over the next three months.
The treatments were easy enough, maximum ten minutes in and out. Great techs and nurses who really cared. But the side effects were not so good. Nauseous most of the time. Bowels getting messed up as promised. I lost all interest in food. Tired and weak, I felt vulnerable. Not something this big, bad Ironworker was used to. But in the end, it was all worth it, no signs of tumors. I was in remission.
Over the past twelve years, I continued with the hormone therapy. It had side effects still, but it did keep my PSA at or around nadir, for me .35 or lower. All that changed last year. When I moved to Georgia a new urologist needed to be found. When I finally had that hassle over with, it was evident that the injections were no longer having the results of the past. Now my PSA began to creep upwards. At first .8 and then .9. It was time to see an oncologist. And over the past eight months he and I watched until the PSA reached 1.1. A bone scan showed nothing but a new test, a CT scan using the new tracer drug Axumin founded a small tumor in the lymph system. The treatment once again will be radiation. So now I must face the fact again, I have a terminal disease. But I also know now I am not the same person I was in 2007, I have hope in Jesus Christ.
I can’t say I ever really feared death. In fact, during the years I lived in my addictions some thought I courted it. A counselor once told me I was trying to commit suicide by drowning, drowning in alcohol that is. I scoffed at it and any other suggestion that I was suicidal, just living on the edge. But when I was diagnosed with terminal cancer at 52, it was different. I did not panic, become depressed, or even live in fear. I just gave up hope. But when I look at it now, that wasn’t such a big deal because I really had no hope to begin with.
But that is the cool thing about having a relationship with God, belief changes everything. I must honestly say since Tuesday when I was told they found the tumor, I have had a roller coaster of emotions. But when I look at it, none of it is about me. It is about my kids, my friends and most of all my wife, RuthAnn. I can truly say inside I am at peace. I can only see my life being more blessed than I ever thought or deserved. Here is why, “So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) I now believe in this promise and the God who spoke it.
When I go to the oncologist, the waiting room is always full. I think, “Man, there are a lot of sick people in this world!” But I never include myself as one of them. I already know Jesus through the Holy Spirit has and is working on my ‘sickness’! I am being transformed from a man lost in addictions, lost in myself, to one who is being fit for a world without all this junk. There is my hope! Listen to this from the apostle Paul, “When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true, ‘Death has been swallowed up in victory.’ ‘Where, O death, is your sting?’ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us victory through the Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Corinthians 15:54-57) Sin is our ‘real’ death not illness or even cancer.
So, yep, again cancer is a reality in my and RuthAnn’s lives. But we have hope for years of sharing the special love and message God has given us. But even more hope in seeing Him who died for us face to face. What a day that will be, when my Jesus I shall see!
Blessings and Happy Sabbath, John
4/6/18
