Month: April 2018

I thought I would take time today to talk about something I find hard to relate. Not because of fear but because I was taught as a kid to suffer in silence. But I know better, so I want to share. Some of you know that I am a cancer survivor. In 2006 I was diagnosed with advanced Prostate Cancer. After being mis-diagnosed for two years, I had been told it was just an enlarged prostate, it was a shock to learn that the cancer had spread to the seminal vessels and the lymph nodes near the prostate. To say the least, my prognosis was not good. Stage four and terminal.

My only hope at the time was hormone therapy and radiation. I started taking Zoladex injections every three months. They were not a lot of fun. Big needle injects a time release capsule into the belly fat. But at least it was effective. Within a short time my skyrocketing PSA dropped dramatically and an even better benefit, I could stop self-catharizing.

The radiation treatments came next. First, I was told by not one but two radiology oncologists not to put myself through the extensive regime, hinting all along, your going to die soon anyway. But with the encouragement of my urologist, I agreed to forty-eight treatments. Five times a week over the next three months.

The treatments were easy enough, maximum ten minutes in and out. Great techs and nurses who really cared. But the side effects were not so good. Nauseous most of the time. Bowels getting messed up as promised. I lost all interest in food. Tired and weak, I felt vulnerable. Not something this big, bad Ironworker was used to. But in the end, it was all worth it, no signs of tumors. I was in remission.

Over the past twelve years, I continued with the hormone therapy. It had side effects still, but it did keep my PSA at or around nadir, for me .35 or lower. All that changed last year. When I moved to Georgia a new urologist needed to be found. When I finally had that hassle over with, it was evident that the injections were no longer having the results of the past. Now my PSA began to creep upwards. At first .8 and then .9. It was time to see an oncologist. And over the past eight months he and I watched until the PSA reached 1.1. A bone scan showed nothing but a new test, a CT scan using the new tracer drug Axumin founded a small tumor in the lymph system. The treatment once again will be radiation. So now I must face the fact again, I have a terminal disease. But I also know now I am not the same person I was in 2007, I have hope in Jesus Christ.

I can’t say I ever really feared death. In fact, during the years I lived in my addictions some thought I courted it. A counselor once told me I was trying to commit suicide by drowning, drowning in alcohol that is. I scoffed at it and any other suggestion that I was suicidal, just living on the edge. But when I was diagnosed with terminal cancer at 52, it was different. I did not panic, become depressed, or even live in fear. I just gave up hope. But when I look at it now, that wasn’t such a big deal because I really had no hope to begin with.

But that is the cool thing about having a relationship with God, belief changes everything. I must honestly say since Tuesday when I was told they found the tumor, I have had a roller coaster of emotions. But when I look at it, none of it is about me. It is about my kids, my friends and most of all my wife, RuthAnn. I can truly say inside I am at peace. I can only see my life being more blessed than I ever thought or deserved. Here is why, “So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) I now believe in this promise and the God who spoke it.

When I go to the oncologist, the waiting room is always full. I think, “Man, there are a lot of sick people in this world!” But I never include myself as one of them. I already know Jesus through the Holy Spirit has and is working on my ‘sickness’! I am being transformed from a man lost in addictions, lost in myself, to one who is being fit for a world without all this junk. There is my hope! Listen to this from the apostle Paul, “When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true, ‘Death has been swallowed up in victory.’ ‘Where, O death, is your sting?’ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us victory through the Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Corinthians 15:54-57) Sin is our ‘real’ death not illness or even cancer.

So, yep, again cancer is a reality in my and RuthAnn’s lives. But we have hope for years of sharing the special love and message God has given us. But even more hope in seeing Him who died for us face to face. What a day that will be, when my Jesus I shall see!

Blessings and Happy Sabbath, John
4/6/18

I love Spring! The days get longer and warmer. And who can resist the flowering and greening of the world around us. But there are two things I detest about this time of the year. One is weeds and the other is biting bugs. The problem is our yard is pretty much full of both!

During the winter RuthAnn and I avoided looking to closely at the back yard. Even when we were sitting in the hot tub I would keep my eyes away from the myriad of weeds that had populated our lawn. It was understood that it was just too cold to do anything about them anyway. Also, during the winter most self-respecting bugs go into hibernation or find a way to not bite my bare feet when I do have to venture as far as the backyard shed. So, all things have been status quo until Spring arrived.

But since about the end of February and yes, I know that is not officially Spring, we have begun our battle against both of these vicious foes. On the weed front, it is all about our back yard. No weed killer or pre-emergent seems to touch the variety of weeds that have sprung up. So, the only other solution is the old fashion way, on our hands and knees pulling them out by the roots. Of course, the only problem with this is when you are on your hands and knees, unless you are well covered, you are open to one of the worse ‘biters’ of our region, the fire ant.

If you have never dealt with this pest, then count your blessings. Sometimes it feels like I spend half of my time outside sprinkling their ant mounds with poison and it is a losing battle. Cause you can kill them in one place and they will just pop up in another. What is worse is if you are busy picking weeds and have exposed skin these nasty ants will find it and bring their friends! Before you know it, your skin will be burning, and ten to twenty welts will appear. You now have days of itching and burning agony to look forward to. As I have said, I hate weeds and biting bugs!

Last Sunday it was like adding insult to injury. RuthAnn was picking weeds in one of our raised bed gardens when she was attacked by black gnats, leaving her with bites on several places and us wondering if we will be fighting them for the rest of the spring. All I can say is when Adam and Eve decided to take bites from that apple, they never could have known what menaces would be released into this world!

It is strange, but I never thought about how sin has affected our world until I understood how perfect of a world God had created and meant for us to live in. Look at this from the book of Genesis, “Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground- trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food….” (Genesis 2:8 part) God had made a perfect place for us to live in. A place where He communed with us face to face until after the fall, “And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. (Genesis 3:8) Think of it, our ancestors walked with their Creator in a perfect place, but sin ended all that.

And as they tried to hide themselves because of shame they had never known, that world was lost to us. “And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, “You shall not eat of it.” Cursed is the ground because you, in pain shall you eat of it all the days of your life; it will produce thorns and thistles for you and you will eat the plants of the field.” (Genesis 3:17-18) Now we live in a world full of weeds and biting bugs.
And if it ended there, I don’t know if I would ever pick another weed with a joyful song in my heart. But even before God told Adam how bad it was going to get He had already promised Satan his time was short, and we would have a Savior, “And I will put enmity between you and the woman. And between your seed and her seed. He shall crush your head and you will bruise on his heel.” (Genesis 3:15)

That promise was kept in Jesus Christ and He has promised the day when Eden would return in the last book in the Bible, “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.” (Revelation 21:1-3) Once again we will walk with God in a land lush and without fear of thistles or nasty bugs!

So, soon I will need to get back at pulling more weeds and protect myself all I can from bites. But there will be a joyful song in my heart, cause this aint my home and soon I will never pull another weed. Till then happy Spring, y’all!

Blessings John
4/4/18

Have you ever been to a place or seen something that you had thought about most all your life? I had that experience last week when we walked into the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. As soon as you come through the doors, there it is, the lunar lander from the Apollo Moon missions. It took my breath away. RuthAnn said I looked like a kid in a candy store and I am sure that was true. But it did not end there.

Right off to the side are two actual capsules one Mercury 7 and the other Gemini IV. Standing so close to them and looking inside the cockpits I could not even imagine the courage and maybe craziness that it took to climb into this cramped space, have those doors sealed you in and all the while sitting on top of a rocket that basically is going to explode you into outer space.

When I was a kid I watched those missions from beginning to end. Our flickering black and white TV showed the Astronauts, starting with Alan Shepard, walking calmly in their silver space suits (I think they were only silver during the Mercury missions), riding the elevator to the top where white suited technicians would squeeze them in and seal the door behind them. Then would come the countdown. Everyone would hold their breath and when the count reached… zero, liftoff an eruption of flame and the rocket would slowly head into the heavens. You could almost hear the collective sigh of relieve. Then I would feel this unbelievable sense of joy and hope. I did not want to miss a moment. And I must not have been alone, because even at school our principal would broadcast updates and special bulletins. These missions and the heroes that flew them became ingrained in my imaginative youth.

Now here I was over 50 years later standing within feet of those worshipful idols of my youth. I am sure some of you who lived through that exciting time can relate. And if you are like me reliving those days even for a moment can bring back all that joy and hope from that long-gone youth. Pretty cool stuff!

After leaving the museum we had already had a long day, so we decided to stay on the tour trolley for the rest of the afternoon until it would take us back to our ‘metro’ station. During that ride I had plenty of time to contemplate how a couple of piles of metal could evoke such emotions. I was shocked to see that these pieces of ‘space junk’ were really the only symbols of hope I had throughout my formative years. In fact, I could see that it was through them and all the technology that developed from the space program that I began my life as a hardened atheist.

I am sure to some of you this seems a little strange. Especially those that I remembered saying missions to space helped them to see how vast our universe is and how big God must be. But all I could see was that if we could put a man on the moon there was nothing man could not do. And with every advance in technology I would trust more in the man-made world and it left no room for God. I put all my faith in ‘us’.

Problem was that there was a huge hole in my theory! I did not see it for years because I wanted to believe there was an answer or a solution to all problems. Just a little more thinking or just a little more research but, of course, it was not true. And it was not until I was open to see, “we all fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) that I had to reckon with the fact that all the technology in the world cannot give us hope.

Don’t get me wrong! I think technology is a wonderful tool and the accomplishments done during the space race still astound me. But now I see them through a different lens, the Bible. And to tell you the truth it gives me a better perspective on just where this world stands. You see there is a prophecy in the ancient book of Daniel that says this, “But you, Daniel, shut up the words and seal the book, until the time of the end. Many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall increase.” (Daniel 12:5) We are told that at the end of time we will all be in a hurry and knowledge will increase at the same frantic pace. Right after this there is an amazing time prophecy Daniel goes on show us we are in that ‘time of the end’ and anyone who is interested there is a website called Amazing Facts that explains it all, check it out!

But today I know where my heart is and even as technology will continue to increase, I no longer place my trust in it. My hope now is in the soon coming of Jesus Christ and the promise that comes with it, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4) I will return to the Smithsonian, soon I hope, and recall the days gone by but now when I do all the praise goes to God, for the heavens and earth really do show His glory.

Blessings John

4/2/18