I was woken from a stupor. There is no better way to put it. For a moment I was not sure where I was. I sat up and looked around me, shaking my head to be sure I wasn’t dreaming, it seemed like I was on one of the pool tables in the Tumwater, Washington bar I had been drinking in the night before.
I was about to swing my legs over the side when I heard a voice behind me, “You and that friend of yours sure enough tried to mess my place up last night!” I spun around and there he was about 5’ away with his arms crossed and he did not look happy. Clearing my throat, I said through dry lips, “Hey Gene, I am not sure what went on last night, but I am sorry if I did any damage.” He just looked at me and shook his head, “Maybe you should get off my pool table and come out here.” He said over his shoulder as he headed into the main bar room.
As I lowered my legs and stood up, suddenly, I felt like a truck had just run me over. Leaning back against the pool table, I noticed that my shirt was torn and had a lot of blood on it. Once I regained my equilibrium, I followed Gene. What happened last night, I thought. Trying to clear my head.
Once in the bar room, I could see that the place had been half put back together, but you could still see the signs that there had been some trouble. Near the door stood a couple of chairs that were broken and looking behind the bar one of the mirrors had a crack in it. Glass was still scattered across the floor and the more I looked the more damage I could see. And there in the middle of it stood Gene, looking at me as if I had done all this.
I am sure most of you have never woken up in the morning without any idea of what you had done the night before. But I am also sure that there are a few of you who know the feeling. I unfortunately know it all too well. I think it is best described like waking from a dream but not exactly remembering what the dream was about. Feelings of fear and guilt always accompany it. Then will come the reckoning. Facing the reality of what you have done under the influence of alcohol and or drugs. Most of the time it is never pretty.
I must admit that when I was young I was attracted to the ‘freedom’ drinking and drugging gave me. Without inhibitions I did things I would have never done sober. And I thought that a lot of it was funny and cool. But what I never thought about was the consequences to others and even to myself, and there always were consequences.
Most of the time I considered them minor. Maybe I had driven drunk and ran a few red lights, but no one had gotten hurt and I hadn’t been caught. No harm, no foul. I had been blessed to never harm or kill anyone while driving under the influence, thank you Lord! But what about the time I fell asleep while driving a company truck and hit the curb blowing two tires and bending one of the rims. That time I had lied and told the company I had been run off the road. That cost the company hard earned cash. Or the time I smacked my car into a bridge driving drunk from Elma, Washington to Aberdeen. I lost my insurance over that one and paid through the nose to drive from then on. And that is just driving.
Reckless actions while under the influence were common. Crazy stunts and bar fights. Having to lie and cheat just to make up stories of why things happened as they did. Most or all cost me money, time and relationships. But I was willing to pay the price or maybe was unwilling to face the truth. And the truth was and is for any of us that live under the influence is we cannot live a life of integrity while it controls us. Have you ever read or heard this verse, “Wine is a mocker, strong drink is a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise?” (Proverbs 20:1)
The thing is God has a better plan and I never knew it until I truly found freedom. No not the freedom I sought in the bottle. That was a lie. The freedom I found is in knowing I have been saved from myself, “But God proved His love for us in this: While we were still sinners Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) Believing that and trusting that is true freedom because, “. If the Son sets you free you are free indeed.” (John 8:36) I did not need substances to be released from my inhibitions, just Jesus.
The truth really hurt that day as I stood in that Washington bar room. As Gene told me of my exploits, I was embarrassed but more than anything wanted to escape. I had been loud and obnoxious, started a fight which caused the damage. Sometime in the melee that ensued I had been knocked out and thrown on the pool table. The damages would cost me more than $1000.00 and worse I was banned from the bar for at least a month. I wish I could say I learned my lesson from this, but it is not true. Many more ‘incidents’ would happen. Today I am blessed that God allowed me to survive. I am sorry for the trouble and pain I caused and seek to help others to see a better way. There is a better plan and His name is Jesus, the way, the truth, and the life.
Blessings and Happy Sabbath,
John
5/18/18
