I have always been a faithful person. Even though I have had many relationships and marriages, I was always faithful to the person I was in those relationships with. By worldly standards I was considered a faithful man. I was especially faithful to the companies I worked for, sometimes to a point of willingness to commit a crime to be sure that they were covered on the projects I was involved in.
When I think of the idea of faithfulness, I believe all I know about it comes from my mother. When I think of her even after all these years since her passing, what stands out the most is how faithful she was. I would like to share some things about her which confused and amazed me as a kid.
My mom was a real ‘old world’ woman. Born early in the 20th century to Italian immigrant parents, her values centered around family, church and work, and not always in that order. In many ways she was also way ahead of her time. Mom really wanted to be a nurse and an RN in particular. With persistence and ability, she did that and by the time I was in grade school her career was beginning to take more and more of her time. I guess you could say my siblings and myself were some of the original ‘latch key’ kids.
No matter how busy she got there was one thing she would not allow to be excluded from her life, that was her faithfulness to the Catholic Church. For sure every Sunday all of us, including my reluctant father were washed and combed, then loaded into the family car to attend mass at St John Vianney Church. I, as a kid could not understand any of it. The mass was still in Latin and the church seemed like a foreign place to me. But to my mother it was truly a religious experience. I could tell she was connected in a way I just never understood.
The fact was her faith permeated all facets of her life. Whenever possible she would attend daily mass, early in the morning, normally when she was either coming off shift or going on. The rosary and her devotion to Mary was another part of her faithfulness. Again, I struggled to understand when we would kneel at the foot of our stairs mumbling prayers to a statue of Mary which stood there as if a permanent altar. But it was undeniable that her devotion was deep and real.
She tried to instill this same feeling within her children. All of us attended Catholic school from 1st grade thru 8th. My sister and brother seemed to believe as she did. Both to this day have continued to follow the Catholic faith as far as I can tell. But even though I attended a seminary in my high school years I never connected to God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit in the way my mother did.
I remember in the last week of her life she spent a lot of time talking and telling me about things I had never known. Facts like the difference in age between her and my father, she was over 12 years older than him. But mostly she wanted me to know that her faith was strong, that she did not fear death and she didn’t want me to be afraid, there was a God who loved me and all I had to do was believe. She fell asleep in Christ in October of 1973 and when she closed her eyes, I never doubted that her faith was going to be rewarded. She would be in heaven. Me that was a different thing.
From the moment she passed away all the faith that she had instilled in me left. Within a few years I could honestly say, “There is no God!” and believe it with all my heart. I began to put all my ‘faith’ in things of this world and one collapse after another would happen. Be it a relationship or a friendship, nothing lasted. I drank and drugged, I gambled and lost. So much wasted time, so many broken relationships. By the year 2009 the only faith I had was in me and my ability to bring home a paycheck.
Then came the power of God’s Word. A story I read not long after picking up a Bible for the first time reminded me of my mom and to this day is a favorite story of showing true faithfulness. It is the Old Testament story of Hannah. I do not know if you have read it, so here is a short synopsis. This woman Hannah is barren, she has had no children. To make matters worse her husband Elkanah has a second wife, Peninnah, who has babies galore and makes sure she rubs it into Hannah at every turn. Each year the whole family goes to Shiloh. In those years that is where the Ark of the Covenant was resting, and the tent of meeting used by the people in the desert under Moses is there. The family goes there to worship, and one year Hannah goes into the tent and prays. But not just any prayer, a prayer of true faithfulness, knowing she will be answered. Of course, she asks for a son. And if the Lord grants her that wish she will dedicate his life to the Lord. She has a son and names him Samuel and he becomes the last great judge of Israel. But all that occurs spring from his mother’s faith. You should read the whole story in 1 Samuel, I love it and yes it reminds me of my mom and her faithfulness.
Today I understand my mother’s faithfulness and wish sometimes she could be here to see her son is not still that lost ball in high weeds. Through the power of the Holy Spirit I honestly believe with my whole heart, “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Romans 5:1) I know His faithfulness to me is shown in His saving grace. Thanks mom and I will see you on Resurrection Day!
Blessings John,
6/21/18
