As of October 3, I have been sober 8 years! I didn’t remember the anniversary. RuthAnn came home from work and handed me a card, not telling me what it was for. I figured it was an ‘I love you’ card, she has given those to me before. As I read it I was confused, it spoke of an anniversary and she had written a note speaking of my sobriety, but no lights went on in my head. Finally, she had to remind me that I had told her the story of my last drink and I understood. As I stood reading the card, memories of how that miracle happened washed over me. The story is simple, yet still miraculous to me.
In early October of 2010, my wife and I decided to relive the old days, take a cross country train trip. Booking a route from Klamath Falls, Oregon to Denver, Colorado, it seemed like a fun vacation. Reality was not as perfect as the memory of train trips past.
We boarded at Klamath Falls late, around 10:00 pm, being directed to our ‘sleeper’ we dragged our luggage into a cramped room with bunk style beds already dropped into position for sleep. It felt cold but both of us being tired immediately retired, I in the upper and Dianne in the lower. It did not take me long to notice that the upper vent was stuck in an open position and cold air was streaming in. The bunk only had a thin blanket, I was freezing. Throughout the night, I continually drug clothes out of my suitcase trying to protect myself from the draft but to little avail. And as we were nearing Sacramento, I gave up and packed readying our leaving this train and transferring to the east bound for Denver.
Our trip continued on in a similar manner. Long lay over in Sacramento, another worn ‘sleeper’ on the east bound train, cramped and not that clean of bathroom facilities, the list goes on and on. Even as the beautiful scenery of the Sierras past by the windows, our dream of a luxury rail trip faded quickly. So, I resorted to that sure-fire cure, I looked for the club car and maybe 5 or 6 stiff drinks.
By this time in 2010, I had been reading or listening to the Bible for over 10 months. I had attended church a few times, and I know my life was changing. But I had no hopes that I could overcome my alcohol addictions, that was just to engrained in my life. And even as I had begun to pray daily, my prayers about this seemed feeble. I had gone to sneak drinking, hiding wine and booze in the shed, sneaking out and drinking by the gulps then coming back in the house as if I was perfectly sober. But I was fooling no one but me. On this vacation it had been agreed that drinking in moderation was ok, but my moderation and others seemed to be quite different.
So, as we headed east, I drank during the day and had wine with supper at night, but it was not the same for some reason. I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I drank just the same. Finally, we arrived in Denver and checked in at the hotel. We were staying for two days then catching the westbound back home. That night was October 3rd. We had found a café in which to dine and I ordered a dark beer with my supper as I finished it again I had a feeling that unsettled me, but I certainly did not know it would be the last alcoholic drink I would order for the rest of my life.
We enjoyed Denver and headed home on October 5th. On the train, I would head to the club car but always ended up drinking a soft drink. The wine at dinner did not interest me. It was so strange. My wife actually ordered wine, but I refused. Something had changed inside me and like when my foul language had been removed by the Lord, I did not see it. Others did but I was the last to know. The miracle was so subtle and so kindly done, I was freed of alcohol addiction by His power and it still is mysterious to me today.
I, unlike some of my faith persuasion, do not believe alcohol is evil. And I have known true men and women of God who could drink it with control and I guess, enjoyment. But that would never be the case for me. Alcohol was a stumbling block, that had destroyed my life and the lives of many I came in contact with. And as I was coming to the Lord, I knew I had no power to control it or keep it from corrupting my walk with Him. But I had read something in God’s Word that if I had not yet truly believed, I hoped in, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12: 9-10) I was weak, and I had admitted, powerless in the face of alcohol addiction and he gave me power through my weakness to overcome something I could not. In him I found the strength even before I knew it. How cool is that?
I have been sober for 8 years now. I am not saying there have not been times when the temptation to drink again has almost overwhelmed me. But it is the ‘almost’ I give thanks for, I have never surrendered. Because today I know, no matter how strong the urge, I know He is stronger. Today, I am lifting a prayer for those who have not yet found victory, “Lord God, please strengthen those bound by alcohols chains and release them, as you released me. Because you are strong in our weakness! I trust in you who loved each one of us, even onto death.” Can I get an amen?
Blessings
John
10/15/18
