Two guys in the boxing ring and I knew them both. Ray was a workmate, but I couldn’t call him a friend. Danny on the other hand was one of the 5 other Ironworkers I shared an apartment with. As I watched them go after each other it was hard to tell that they had grown up together and learned to box at the same little gym near Boise, Idaho. As Danny unleashed a straight right to Ray’s jaw, his head snapped back but he countered with a solid hook to Danny’s midsection. This seemed like a grudge match and I guess it was.
Two months ago, we were sitting around on a Saturday evening, Danny and I were swapping stories and sharing a half gallon of Black Velvet whiskey. Somewhere along the way he got very serious and quiet. Normally when this happened, he was thinking about his estranged wife and the mistakes they had made. But that day I was surprised when I heard him say, “I want to get back in the ring.” I, of course, thought he was joking and quipped casually, “Right and I am going to run for president again.” No smile from Danny, he just sat scowling. Then drew closer, “Do you think this is funny? Smart remarks from a funny guy.” I backed off and waved my hands as if in surrender. I could see he was getting angry and I had been on the receiving end of one of his short punches. I sure didn’t need any of that tonight. This guy was serious.
Danny was somewhere in his early to mid-40’s and I know he had not been in the ring for 10 years or more. What was this all about? Carefully I asked, “Hey, man, what is going on? You told me you were through with that stuff.” He leaned back and sighed, “I know, but Ray…you know Ray, right?” I nodded affirmative and he continued, “Ray is drawing matches every month or so and that dude is older than me!” I didn’t want to smirk, but Ray was maybe two months older than Danny but listening to what he had just said you’d think he had ten years on him.
We sat in silence for a little longer, then Danny surprised me again, “I have been training again for the last two months and have challenged that so-called friend of mine to a 10-round bout! What do you think of that?” Dumbfounded, I could only shrug and say half-heartedly, “That’s great, Danny! But if so shouldn’t you be laying off the sauce and maybe not smoking?” His turn to shrug, “Yeah but I can beat that punk even if I am half the fighter I used to be!” Pouring myself another drink, I knew it wasn’t true just the dream of a guy who did not want to face his older vself.
Getting old. I just turned 65 earlier this month. For some reason that is a golden number in the old age game. For the most part I do not feel any different than I did at 50, or so I have tried to tell myself. Most of the time I can believe it but now and again I, like most of us aging ‘warriors’, have a moment of clarity. Mine came yesterday during a church work bee.
On Saturday in church I had challenged the congregation with a bold statement, “There is 15 yards of sand to move from the parking lot into the new play area for the school. If none of you help, it is going to get done. I will do it myself!” This was my bluff and bluster during the announcement for the work bee. I saw most of what I said as a cry for help. But somewhere in me the old John still believed he could move all that sand alone.
Yesterday after 5 wheel barrow loads, I knew the truth. If I had to move that sand alone, I would be 66 before it got done. It was ‘truth’ moment. But like all moments in my walk up this trail since I excepted Jesus as my Savior, He knew it was another part of the old self that needed to be shed. Self-reliance has been my motto and my creed. As I have come to Him, I have held on to it tooth and nail. It was time for another attitude adjustment!
“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” (Isaiah 46:4) I read these words this morning searching for His clarity and maybe solace. What was I missing? Yes, the One who made us, will sustain us. I can surrender even my old body to Him. But it was going to require something from me, then came these words from the Book of James, “Humble yourself before the Lord, and he will lift you up. (James 4:10) Humility, that is the root of it. I needed total surrender body and soul! A lesson learned.
Danny learned a lesson that day in the ring. By the third round Ray was all over him. Between the 3rd and 4th Ray had his corner man check Danny’s condition. The report was not good. In a classy act, Ray refused to come out for the 4th round. Danny declared victory but we all knew better. The fight was never discussed much after that, but Danny seemed somewhat more deflated. His pride was in the past or so he thought. I have been there and maybe still am. But today I choose to trust in Him who sustains me in all ways. I will work hard again but maybe next time with more knowledge and humility. Old age, bah!
Blessings John,
1/28/19
