I was in a bar on the main drag of Caspar, Wyoming. Looking at my watch for the third time I was becoming impatient. Lye Strong had told me to meet him here at around 4:30 and it was now past 5, and still no Lye. Calling the bartender over I asked for another shot and beer, she seemed in no hurry either. What is it about this place that makes everybody so laid back?
Finally, she set the drinks in front of me and as I was handing her a ten a voice behind me said, “Hey Sal, I’ll get this guys drink and bring me a scotch neat.” I could see Sal light up when she saw Lye sit next to me and now, she was all action bringing him a generous shot in record time.
As Lye slapped me on the back, I said, “Nice of you to show up. I have been sitting here for an hour!” He seemed to barely notice my gruffness and in fact paid little attention to me as he chit chatted with the bartender. Then as if he suddenly noticed I was sitting next to him said, “Huh, what did you say? Something about the time.” I said, “Never mind. Why did you want to see me? I am looking to be out of Wyoming in a few days…” Cutting me off he hurriedly said, “That is why I wanted to see you. I have the perfect job for you and me. And the great thing about it is that it is a short boom, right over the border in Colorado. You know where Fort Collins is don’t you?” I shrugged having a vague idea of its locale.
Lye became more animated, “Listen, buddy, they are building a new water treatment plant and it is on a hot schedule. 7 tens with in and out pay. Guaranteed 3 months of good money. To top it off, Fort Collins is a pretty cool place lots of good bars and well, you know….” I was listening but just could not get all that excited. We had just finished 4 months of slip form work and I wanted to lay off for a few weeks, maybe do some fishing in Utah for a month or so. It did not make sense. I had always jumped at jobs like this. I thrived on it. But lately I felt lost I could find little or no fulfillment with who I was or what I was doing. There had to be more to life than this.
Some folks have looked at the life I have led and concluded that it was exciting and full of adventure. All that traveling and seeing so much of the country. And while the traveling part is true, there was little adventure, excitement and even less seeing the country. Even though I traveled near and around some of our national monuments and parks. I rarely had time to stop and enjoy any of it.
I have to say for the most part I lived an unfulfilled life. And the sad part is that I know it was by choice. Oh sure, I have made excuses. I needed the money, or I had to advance my career but there was little truth in any of it. Most of what I did was to feed my addictions. I cannot even imagine how much of the hard-earned money of those seven day a week with ten-hour day jobs was donated to the local drinking establishments or the corner drug dealer. All in the name of seeking some form of life that resembled what I have right now.
So why do we do such things? How do any of us get to a point where we can convince ourselves that the wretched life, we are living is ok? In my sobriety I have pondered this question often. Knowing that it is a different answer for each of us I can only relate my conclusion. For me, I can see now that I believed the lies so easily offered by this world and its ruler. Look at this conversation between Satan and Eve in the garden, “Now the serpent was craftier than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.'” “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Genesis 3: 1-5) He still offers the same to us today, “Have that next drink, John, you deserve it. A hardworking guy like you.” So subtly he whispers and each time I acquiesced my life became more and more in disarray and so unfulfilled. Moments of clarity would come but so brief and so painful that he would tell me the only answer came from that bottle, that line of white powder. Until through Him who seeks the lost, I was found, if I just believed.
That was not an easy process and I will never tell anyone that it was for me. Satan’s lies had rung in my ears most of my life. But when I could open His Word, the Bible, and even at first if I did not believe, His Holy Spirit was there. Little by little. Promise by promise I found that the what I had lived and what the Satan had offered were the lies not God. And when I read the words of Jesus, “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment but has passed from death to life.” (John 5:24) I found a seed of believe and my first step to a fulfilled life.
Lye and I went to Fort Collins. I don’t remember a lot about it. As my disillusionment grew so did my drinking. It was a dark time in my already dark life. Today I look back on it and know the truth. I am fulfilled because my life now centers on the One who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, Jesus Christ. There are no substitutes, He is the real deal. That is my story and I am sticking to it!
Blessings John,
2/4/19
