Month: February 2019

The wind was blowing. Looking at the beam above me slowly dropping but as it did it was turning in the wind. I signaled for the crane operator to bring the load line down slowly. We were on the 8th floor connecting beams to the already erected girders. Five more and this floor would be done.

I was standing on the 10” flange of the girder holding my body against the wind and ready to grab the tag line which was tied to one end of the beam now 10’ above me. My partner across the way stood motionless looking up also watching as the beam turned in the wind. Suddenly, it dropped five feet then as if the operator hit the line break it jumped. I yelled into the radio at the crane operator, “What is going on?” and added a few choice swear words. There was a static silence. Then he said, “Sorry, mate, but I can’t seem to control my line brake.”

As he said this the beam dropped again. My partner and I almost at the same instant took off running along our girders seeking the safety of the nearest column. As I reached it and was wrapping my arms around, I heard a crash. Looking back the beam had hit the open deck area not far from where I was just standing.

Above us from the tower crane a warning siren started screaming. The beam continued downward and coming to rest by crashing into the 7th floor deck. This was followed by another thud as the head ache ball landed on the beam. Sounds of panic and confusion came from below and I heard someone call to me, “John, you guys all right?” All I could do was nod my head. My arms were frozen to the column. For the first time in my young career as an Ironworker, I was afraid and was wondering what I had gotten myself into.

I think fear is one of the strongest emotions we have. And I know it is good to have a certain amount of healthy fear. But in our world today there seems to be an ever-increasing list of things that we should all be afraid of. And the truth is that when we look at life from a human perspective we might be tempted to just stay in a dark room with the curtains drawn and the door locked. The cool thing is that we have a God who understands this and in His Word, keeps telling us over and over, we have nothing to fear as long as we are trusting Him.

The truth about fear is that it is the opposite of faith. It is God’s desire that we walk in faith. But we have an enemy who loves it when we walk in fear. It really comes down to who are you going to believe. A God who has promised, “..do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41: 10) Or will you believe the one of whom Jesus said, “When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. (John 8: 44b)

In my case most of the time my fears have come because I refused to believe or accept the idea of a loving God. I chose to live a life where I gave the control to the father of lies. But as soon as I was willing to accept Jesus and believe His Word, fear has not been able to rule my life.

For sure I cannot say that I still do not have times of fear where I find myself listening as Satan whispers to me that God really cannot be trusted. Or even worse that I am not worthy of being a saved man. Those times still happen. I have written more than a few blogs about it. The difference in my life now is that God has proven so many times that I can trust Him and I know if I do the fear will be replaced by faith. I know it will happen.

I guess for most of us the last and greatest fear is death. These days because after 11 years in remission I see signs that my cancer may be making a comeback. I have had nights where I do feel that fear of death. But when that happens I can trust in a promise which brings me peace every time. If I am dead or alive when Jesus comes, I know this is going to happen: “For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God, And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air; and so always be with the Lord. (1 Thessalonians 4: 16-17) When I believe this not even death can cause me to fear.

I went on in my career to have more than that one close-call. Fear seemed to permeate my life. Then I found the one who promises when our seas are stormy and we are hanging on in a sinking boat, “Take courage it is I, don’t be afraid.” (Mark 6: 50) What have we got to fear? Not a thing. How cool is that!

Blessings John

2/13/19

The bus was late again. It was not that I had to be anywhere particular, but I really hated waiting at bus stops. There was just something about standing next to a busy street and sticking your neck out to see if there were any visible signs of it. Getting hopeful when you do see it a half mile down the road only to be disappointed as it draws closer, not my bus.

Was nobodies’ fault but my own that I was standing here in the first place. A little over 6 months before I had been in a bar drinking and left there drunk. Getting into my car I had no more than driven out of the parking lot when all kinds of flashing blue lights were in my rearview mirror. Nailed for drunk driving. I had refused a breathalyzer or blood test for alcohol content. And on top of that had been a ‘funny guy’ with the arresting officer. That was a mandatory one-year suspension of my license, a $1500.00 fine, DUI classes and 96 hours in lock up. Let alone all the other issues that ensued. That was back in Vernal, Utah but it was no better now in Las Vegas, Nevada. My transportation choices were limited, Metro bus or as my father used to say, shank’s mare, better known as walking.

My problems were compounded because even if I had wanted to drive illegally, which would be nothing new for me, there was no way to do so. My fancy convertible I had bought with company money was now in need of a new engine or being thrown on the junk heap. Either way it was of little or no use to me. Hence my standing at this bus stop on Boulder Highway waiting.

The other thing about riding the bus daily is you get to know what I came to think of as ‘bus people’. Folks who for whatever reason depend on public transportation. In Las Vegas that was mainly casino workers. Women and men dressed in uniforms that represented their employers. There were a scattering of business types and then there were the down and outs, like me who had no other choice.

After a while bus people formed a type of camaraderie. Mostly just a nod or soft hello as someone you recognized got on at their usual bus stop. Regular as clock work, I could tell which stop we were at just by the people getting on and off. As for me I tried to stay to myself, not wanting or needing conversation. Just get me to the corner of Tropicana and Maryland close to where my office was. But there was one lady who sat near me every time she got on and almost always wanted to talk.

She, like most, was a casino worker. Cleaning rooms at what used to be Fitzgerald’s, but it was called Terrible’s now. Every morning when she came aboard it seemed like the bus mood got lighter. She knew just about everyone and if she did not, she did her best to get to know you. That is why she sat near me most mornings.

Always polite she would nod to me and then try to make eye contact, if it happened then she would ask in a cheery voice, “Good morning, tall man, I see you made the early bus this morning! Any good words for me?” Most days I would just nod back and then turn away. Last thing I needed was a happy conversation. Just let me get to my stop and maybe I would go to work or maybe I would get an eye opener at the English Pub next to the office. In that bar no one talked at this time of day, my kind of place.

The morning of the late running bus was no different. Stopping to talk to several on her way back to where I sat, she finally sat next to me. This was something she had never done before. I was very uncomfortable, and I could tell she knew it. Still she leaned closer to me and said, “Tall man, there are days I would like to stay in bed. Do you know why I don’t?” Silence was my answer. She shrugged and continued, “Two reasons. One, I have four children and no matter how much money their Poppi and I make, it is never enough.” She waited a minute and looked directly at me. I turned to her gaze, “The second is less about me and more about him.” Again, she waited. This time I took the bait, “Him? Him who? Your husband?” At this she smiled. “No, my tall friend, him is the God who gets me up every morning and says, “Issy,” “God always calls me that.” Another big smile. “Issy, today you smile and show my love to someone who needs me. Make my joy complete. You know that famous Bible verse John 3:16 don’t you?” I shrugged. She said, “God so loved you, tall man, that he sent his only son to die for you. How can you not smile thinking of that?”

Her warmth kept me from my usual gruff answers when Christians got in my face. I finally spoke but softly, “I am glad your God loves you and talks to you. But neither he or his son have shown much to me lately. So, thanks for sharing but not today. I have no need for that kind of love today!” She patted me on my hand and said, “Sure you do and if you know it or not his love is yours!” With that she said no more.

We rode together for another 6 months or so until I moved from Vegas to the Bay Area. Every morning she would smile at me and nod with something I see now as true love, God’s love.

When I came to the Lord almost nine years later, I often wondered if she was still riding that bus and blessing so many people each day. Often when I get discouraged, I think of her and her simple faith. A woman named Issy that God talked to still continues to bless me years later. I pray today I can do the same for another maybe just with a smile or a word of encouragement. Thanks for showing me God’s love, Issy!

Blessings, john
2/11/19

“Who’s your friend, James?” the bartender asked. James Rivers and I had just walked into a bar where the only white face in the crowd was mine. James just smiled and pointed at a bar stool and for me to sit down. “Give us two Dewar’s with water back.” James said as he sat next to me. The bartender shook his head but soon came back and set the drinks in front of us. Looking over at me James could tell I was uncomfortable and gave me another big grin, “How’s it feel, big guy? Being the only one of your kind in the bar?” I shrugged, I knew he was enjoying this, and, in my mind, he had every right to do so.

Us being here had come about when James and I had been out hitting the bars the night before. It had started when we came to a red neck bar on Third Street. James had not wanted to go in, but I had insisted, “Listen, man, they serve a mean drink in this joint and all that prejudice stuff doesn’t exist anymore. I see black guys in here all the time.” James shook his head in disgust but went along as I headed past the door man, not noticing the look he gave my partner.

Once at the bar I ordered the house specialty drink, Long Island Iced Tea, a drink with a mellow name that does not belie the 4 different boozes in it that make it lethal. But it was one of my favorites, so here we were. As James fiddled with his drink, I noticed him looking around as if he was expecting trouble and I just shook my head, “Man, you are jumpy. No one is going to start anything here.” But even as I said this, I noticed guys at the pool table giving us sideways glances. I shrugged it off, just a bunch of redneck losers, I thought.

Before he had finished his drink, James said, “Come on, man, let’s get out of here. This place is giving me the creeps.” I was getting annoyed and said, “This is all in your head, James, people have gotten past all that black and white stuff. Can’t we at least finish these and then go.” At that James smiled and said, “Sure, partner, as long as you let me pick the bar we go to tomorrow.” For a moment I felt a twinge of fear, but I was not about to show it, “Yeah, my friend, you get to pick the bars tomorrow night. Let’s finish this drink.”

For some reason I became more aware of my surroundings after that. James and I did not say much but as I looked around, I thought I was seeing more of those sideways glances and whispered conversations that seemed to be directed at us. Shaking my head again, I thought, “Man you are getting as bad as James. It is all in your head.”

Now as I sat in this bar a night later, I noticed all the same things that I was sure was my imagination the night before. But now I was convinced they were real. I was not welcome here and it was not some shadowy thing. I had to admit, what James must feel every time he entered a predominantly white place was the way I was feeling right now. How could I have missed it?

Prejudice. It is a word most of us in this politically correct world don’t like to talk about. For me I grew up with it. My father was probably one of the most bigoted men I have ever known. He used all the words and actions that portrayed all the ugliness of this plague. I also grew up in a time of change. The civil rights era of the 1960’s. So, from so many sources I was seeing the ugliness of prejudice. But wasn’t all that happening in the south? Police with water hoses and batons. Dogs tearing up defenseless people. Lynching and death. Wasn’t my father just an aberration. Northern folks aren’t like that. But, of course, it wasn’t true. Soon the fires of riots were burning in the north and I became more aware that this was a real thing even in my backyard. I wanted to join the protests against it and did. And like so many of us thought my good deeds helped end this curse once and for all as the protests of 60’s and early 70’s turned to the ‘me’ generation of the 1980’s.

But like all Satan’s work there is no social cure for something so deep that it is recorded in the Book of Numbers, of the Old Testament, “Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cushite woman whom he had married, for he had married a Cushite woman. (Numbers 12:1) Miriam and Aaron, Moses sister and brother, judged a woman for the color of her skin and the race she came from. Sound familiar? It led to much ugliness and jealousy. Miriam and Aaron trying a power play against their own brother. In the end God cursed them both for their self-centeredness. Does God feel any different about what we do today?

In Jesus time the Jews hated the Samaritans. Yet Jesus picked that place and a Samaritan woman to reveal He was the Messiah. Not enough room to write it here but read all about it in the gospel of John 4: 3-32. Jesus traveled into foreign places where Jews did not go because of fear of becoming unclean. Healing the Demoniac (Mark 5: 1-20), feeding the four thousand (Mark 8: 1-13) and healings of the Roman servant (Luke 7: 1-10) and the Syrophoenician woman’s daughter (Matthew 15: 21-28) And Jesus died to save ALL, 16For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16) No exclusion or prejudice allowed.

I learned a lesson in that bar long ago. The deep-set prejudice that is in all races still existed. James and I stayed friends until his untimely death 20 years or more ago now. He often reminded me that I needed to have an open mind. Today, I am blessed to know that salvation is offered to all of us and if my eyes are on the Savior the only color, I see is the white robes washed in His blood. He is coming soon, and it is my desire that ALL will be saved no matter color, creed or even unbelieve. I am praying for it!

Blessings and Happy Sabbath,
John
2/8/19

Snow, heavy snow. I guess this is what a white-out looks like, I thought with some humor but a certain amount of terror too. The two-lane highway was no longer visible nor were any vehicles, just blinding snow! I tried to remember what I had been told about driving in these kinds of conditions. I was pretty sure that the worse thing I could do was stop, so I kept moving forward not knowing if another vehicle was going to run up my tail pipe or I was going to do the same to some other unexpecting driver.

There must be an exit somewhere, I thought. But in this wide-open range country of Wyoming I wasn’t sure where or when I would come across one. But strangely enough as I was thinking this, I saw what appeared to be an exit ahead sign looming on the side of the road. The snow had covered it so there was no way of telling what it said but now I kept an eye out for the actual exit. If I could get off this highway, I would feel better and if I was snowed in my car I would rather it not be in the middle of the interstate.

Within minutes I saw what appeared to be an exit but the bulk of what must be a semi-trailer was either already on it or just exiting in front of me, I could not tell. As I approached, I now could see that there was a line of semi’s cramming the lane and I would have to decide. Would I park in line behind them or attempt to go around to find a safer place to hold up?
I was driving a Chevy Blazer with four-wheel drive and even though I could not judge what was or not road or how deep the snow was I decided to chance going forward around the big rigs. As soon as I veered left, I knew I had left the pavement. The tires of the Blazers spun in what might be mud but then I felt them grip and I slowly headed but to ‘wherever, Wyoming’ I had exited into.

By the time I had reached the stop sign at the top of the exit the snow seemed to be slacking a bit and I could see that there was what looked like a truck stop about a quarter mile to the right. And even though there were vehicles scattered everywhere there seemed to be enough open road to get to that safe haven.

Slowly with a lot of slipping and sliding I pulled into a large parking area already filled with others taking shelter from the storm. Should I shut down and go inside or just wait out the snow? I decided to hang out in my rig, the snow was sure to stop soon, and I still had, I would guess, three hours to reach Green River.

Sitting there I had time to reflect what I lucky guy I was. All those saps who were in two-wheel drives were going to be stuck here for a long time, but not me. No sir, this kid was one lucky dude to have been driving my Blazer instead of the compact Toyota that was our ‘other’ car and the one I normally took on longer road trips. Chuckling to myself, yep one lucky dude!

How many times have you said it or at least thought it, “My lucky day!” I have to admit I lived a life where luck played a major factor in everything I did, or at least I thought so. If I had a good day at the race track or I won big at the craps table, my luck was running good. And if I had the opposite, well, it was all a matter of luck. I truly believed that my life was governed by some strange cosmic force that either bestowed good luck or bad luck. Never once considering that there was a Creator God who sees all, knows all, and nothing in His creation happens by chance. Now that took some convincing for this atheist to believe!

Here is what happened. As I began to absorb the Word of God, I have said many times right here in this blog, it changed me. But not all at once. I would read things like, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purposes.” (Romans 8:28) I would think: “Great, God does good things for the holy rollers who attend church every week, but what has he done for me lately?” Always negative thoughts. But the cool thing about the Word of God and the Holy Spirit is that the more you allow them in your life the more clarity you get.

Somewhere along my journey I started seeing all the times God did work good, even in the midst of the disaster I called my life. Times he actually saved my life. Now as my mind cleared from all the substances and roadblocks Satan threw in my way, I saw His hand everywhere. None of it had anything to do with luck. I had to admit, I was saved and brought through the fire “…according to his purposes.” And not just me, so many others I have heard testify also. It was simple, “We love because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19) He loved me before I knew what love was and there is no luck in that.

The snow turned to flurries, but the highway was a mess for the next 50 or so miles. The Blazer did its job and got me to Green River. Once again, the hand of God had protected this sinner. Today, I know he saved me so that I may proclaim His glory and to share His promise that none need to be lost. I am not here by luck but by the grace of God. Can I get an Amen!

Blessings John,
2/6/19