“I cannot lose!” That was what I mumbled to myself as I headed to cash in my tickets. We had just placed a winning ‘wheel’ bet on one of the dogs in the third race. This along with completing a trifecta was worth $3500.00. Even split two ways between my partner and myself not a bad return for a $400.00 outlay.
I was anxious standing in line at the pay-out window, maybe we should try to wheel the next race too. Luck was with me, there was no doubt. If we won that, I knew where there was a plane waiting to take us to Reno, Nevada. I could hear the craps tables calling me.
For now, I was at the Multnomah Kennel Club, in Portland, Oregon. As dog tracks go, it was better than some and worse than others. The dogs did not seem to be as doped up as at the Apache Greyhound Park in Phoenix, Arizona. The last dog track where I had lived close enough to be a regular. At least here I could pick winners more than 50% of the time. And today I could not lose, I chuckled to myself as I approached the window.
I knew the guy sitting in the pay-out booth. His name was Larry, he and I had met while drinking in one of the bars near the track. As he scanned my tickets his eyes brightened a bit, pushing his cigar to one side of his mouth said, “You got it going today, hey John!” I shrugged with all the false modesty I could muster, “Yeah, just another day in paradise for me, Larry.” With that he counted out the crisp hundred-dollar bills, all 35 of them. He also handed me an IRS slip and said, “Don’t forget to claim this on your taxes, buddy, Uncle Sam wants a piece of the pie too.” He laughed and I shrugged again thinking, they might want it but aren’t going to get it. Big talk for a big man. After all, I could not lose!
Finding my partner, we decided to go for it again and placed a wheel bet on the number 4 dog. All he had to do was win and any other dogs could place and show, it would mean another cool $1500.00. Standing by the rail close to the finish line I waited, knowing we would be taking home a couple grand a piece today. I could pay off some of my drug debt and have enough left to maybe take that trip to Reno. This was my lucky day.
As sure as rain the 4 dog trounced the field. His odds had been longer than we expected so the pay out was closer to $2000.00. When I collected at Larry’s window, he just shook his head and whispered, “Take it and run, buddy! I have seen too many not know when to get out.” I agreed we really needed to head north and with a wink said, “Right on, my friend, we are taking this show over to Reno, today is the day I cannot lose!” Larry’s eyes drew into slits and he whispered, “You wouldn’t want to bet on that would you?”
Of all my addictions gambling was probably the most like living on a roller coaster. For me it was never about the money. It was always all about the power. Days like the one I am describing here came along so seldom that I can count them on three fingers. Yet once I experienced it, like that first high I had on meth or cocaine, I chased that feeling for the rest of my days as an addict.
The thing about gambling, like all addictions, Satan whispers to each of us about its innocent pleasures. In years where I lived close to race tracks or near casinos, I would see spending time there as, ‘just a way to relax and let off steam”. But I would find myself yearning to go more and more often, again seeking that rush of ‘winning’. The problem about gambling for me was that it fed my other addictions. I needed meth to keep me up for hours on end. I needed booze to keep me even not letting the speed get me to high. I needed cigarettes to calm my nerves and keep me focused. When I was gambling, I was the whole addicted package and nothing and nobody else mattered.
I have people tell me all the time about the innocence of gambling. I can never agree with them. Most of them say, “We are not like you were. We are not out of control.” I answer in this way, “That is exactly right you are not out of control, you are very much under control.” Because anything that separates me from my walk with God seeks to control and divert me. The apostle John says it this way, “For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.” (1 John 2:16) And Jesus said this, “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money,” (Matthew 6:24) You can replace the word ‘money’ with anything that controls. Today and every day, I choose to serve the one master who promises me the eternal high, no more roller coasters for me.
I probably don’t have to tell you but by the end of that day I had lost everything I had won and was down probably another thousand bucks. We did make our way to Reno and I proceeded to continue to win at the craps table until, as it always did, the dice and my impatience did me in. Drugged, drunk and completely exhausted, I arrived home already making plans to recoup my losses and build a new fortune. It never happened. I never had another day like that, but I chased it every time I gambled. I won’t speak of the wasted money that now could be being put to use in God’s work. I will just suffice to say; I am blessed that I no longer chase that elusive golden carrot that Satan dangles. I now am happy to fill my days with His Word and be led by the Holy Spirit. Today is a day when I cannot lose! It is a sure thing!
Blessings
John
5/6/19
