Month: May 2019

“What time is it?” I called out to the bartender, who was leaning against the beer cooler at the other end of the bar. He struggled to take his eyes off the TV that was attached to the wall near him. Looking at his watch, he said, “It’s 12:30.” Then as he turned back to the game that was on he grumbled, “Buy a watch, why don’t ya!” I shook my head and picked up my drink and stopped in mid air thinking, “I wish I could afford to buy another watch or get my good one out of hock.” But I knew that wouldn’t be happening any time soon. Shrugging my shoulders, I brought the drink to my lips and took a long pull. Life in the fast lane was not all it was cracked up to be.

I drank for another half hour, then decided to hoof it home. My car had been repossessed so I didn’t have a lot of choice. Just as I was getting up from the bar, I spied a dealer I knew coming in. We had done business before and as he walked past me he nodded but did not stop to chat. I could see he was heading toward the bartender. I thought, “Maybe a few free lines could be had!” I ambled over and stood next to the dealer. He didn’t look at me but could see me in the mirror behind the bar and said, “What you doin’? I ain’t here to talk to you.” I nodded and said, “Just thought I would say hello. Being friendly, you know.” He looked at me then and said, “I heard about you, man, so broke you don’t even have a ride anymore. So again, what you doin’ comin’ over here?” I shrugged and said, “Thought maybe I could get a taste, you know, nothing special, just friendly.” He drew close enough so I could smell his breath and said, “You got no friends, get it? No money, no friends. Do I look like a charity to you? Like they say nothing is free, now hit the bricks or I will ask Lou over there to toss you!” As I turned to leave I heard him laughing.

Nothing is free. I have heard that all my life. In fact, I grew up in a home that was based on the adage: “There is no free ride.” Everyone of my brothers and sister contributed to the household or at least got a job to support whatever needs we had. There was little money to go around. But also, as I grew up I was taught that there was no free ride with God either. It seemed like He too required that you earn your way with Him. Kind of a tit for tat thing. If I was a good kid and kept all rules I would get a free pass to heaven. But if I was bad and broke the law, it was hell for me, literally.

It was no better when I was on my own and as addictions took up more and more of my life, I knew there was no longer anyway to play by the rules I had learned. I had become a lawbreaker and the God I knew had no use for me. So, in return, I came to believe I had no use for Him. I could no longer work my way to heaven, so why even try.

Results were a bitter and broken man. Yeah, a lot of it was that I was ingesting poisons into my body daily. But there was more to it then that. I had no moral center. Yet the crazy thing was that with all of it, I would tell myself that I was still a good guy.

If I had to do someone wrong in a drug deal, that was only because I was protecting my dealer’s product. If I had to lie and cheat at a business deal that was ok too because that was the way business was done or that is what I was hired to do. If I ran from my son because I chose drugs over him. It was all ok. Everyone is doing it. Just the way of the world. I have my own truth and so do you. So easy to get lost.

Problem is there really only one truth and His name is Jesus Christ. It took me a long time to be able to say that. I really did not want to accept or believe even as the evidence in God’s Word confirmed it. The real proof was how the more I input that Word into my life, how that life began to change. Not all at once, but slowly, I found swearing, cheating, lying and even drinking no longer could exist. And I also realized the only good and righteousness one was Him who died for my sin.

The other cool thing I found was that it wasn’t tit for tat. I could not do a thing to change any of it, not one work I did affected anything. It started to happen when I believed that: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And not through your own doing, it is a gift from God.” (Ephesians 2:8) That is when the miracles occurred. I had found the one free thing, the grace of God. Nothing has ever been the same. Bitterness became joy. Brokenness was made whole.

Today, I find myself wanting more. Yes, this world still tugs at me. So, each day, I look to the cross and say, “I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20) I can’t earn something Jesus already did, but I can surrender daily and as I do he continues to do the work in me. Awesome.

Years ago, I left that bar defeated, humiliated and cursing my life. It was a low point and if some one then would have showed me the love of God, my life might have been different, but no one did. I offer it to you today. It is a free gift. Grace, forgiveness, and hope. You see Jesus already paid the bill. What you got to lose?
Blessings John,

5/13/19

Are you a person who finds words fascinating? Well, I sure do. I will be having a conversation and hear a word l have probably heard 1000 times before and all of a sudden it will hit me, “Hmm, that is an odd word. I wonder where it came from?” That happened this morning when RuthAnn was talking about all the stuff she has to get done by a week from today, the last day of school. She said that there were a lot of deadlines that had to be met. When I heard the word deadline, I was struck how strange it is and immediately began to wonder where it came from.

Now I have used the word innumerable times myself. In construction you are always working against one deadline or another. The pressure is always on. So, I had heard the word repeatedly but this morning something set off my ‘word alarm’ and I needed to find out.

The wonder and the curse of our age is that just about all information known is now at our fingertips. I have to admit I have become as jaded as anyone when it comes to using the internet to seek the most trivial information. So, of course, when I wanted an answer to this word alarm question I headed to the unimpeachable source (said with much sarcasm), Google! And here is what I found:

Most etymologists agree that the word “deadline” first appeared during the American Civil War (1861-1865). According to author Christine Ammer, deadline was coined at the hellish Andersonville, GA prison camp, and first appeared in writing in the report of Confederate Inspector-General, Colonel D.T. Chandler, on July 5, 1864. In describing the horrific conditions, he famously wrote: “The Federal prisoners of war are confined within a stockade 15 feet high, of roughly hewn pine logs, about 8 inches in diameter, inserted 5 feet into the ground, enclosing, including the recent extension, an area of 540 by 260 yards. A railing around the inside of the stockade, and about 20 feet from it, constitutes the “deadline,” beyond which the prisoners are not allowed to pass . . . [as a large portion is] at present unfit for occupation . . . [this] gives somewhat less than 6 square feet to each prisoner . . .”

I was amazed by the source of the word. Living where I do in Georgia, I have walked the grounds of Andersonville Prison and seen the very location that D.T. Chandler spoke of. With this knowledge, all of a sudden, the word deadline takes on a deeper and, in some ways, more disturbing meaning. From now on either fortunately or unfortunately for me each time I either hear or use this word I will recall the inhumanity that we as mankind can wrought on one another. But when I reread the Colonel’s description of the prison, it made me think that when we are prisoners of sin, Satan has us in the exact situation as is described.

Now you may think I am stretching the point here but bear with me a bit. When I was living the ‘free’ life having no thought of the laws of God or if I did almost reveling in breaking them, I was actually building my own prison and erecting a ‘deadline’ I never dare cross. The difference was that the men in Andersonville knew they were in hell and if they crossed that line it meant sure death. In my case Satan convinced me that my prison was a place of endless pleasure and if I crossed the deadline, I would never have joy in my life again. The truth was I was entrapped in a life that meant death unless I was willing to cross not the deadline but the lifeline, allowing Jesus to transform me.

You see, being trapped in Satan’s prison is, in some ways, more hellish than even Andersonville and the main reason is that those of us who have lived or are living there are convinced that God is the jailer, he is the one who has set up deadlines, he is the one who steals and kills, but the truth is, it aint true. Here is what Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10) It is Satan who steals and destroys, it is he who imprisons and he who lied to me all those years, convincing me that I could not live a life filled with joy and freedom obeying the laws of God. I am here to tell you; I have and I am.

This is the truth and if you can believe it, it will set you free, “So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” (1 John 4:16) God does not set ‘deadlines’ he will not let us cross. We have free will and can choose our own path. But I have lived in Satan’s prison and he sure does not give you these same options. But fear not, cross that line and trust in Jesus. Unlike Andersonville there is no deadline in the prison you may be in today. Only a lifeline, named Jesus Christ!

Blessings and Happy Sabbath,
John
5/10/19

It had been another wet night. Nothing new in the coastal rain forest of Washington. My crew was stowing our gear in the gang box and I was heading into the office to give my report of the night’s work. When I got to the bottom of the stair tower, I heard someone call my name from above. Looking up into the dark drizzle, I could only make out a bulky figure three floors above me leaning over and yelling, “Hey, you better get back up here, we got a problem!” I shook my head and thought, “What now?” But I trudged back up the steps as quickly as I could.

When I got to the top of the tower, I could see it was Lenny and he looked worried. “John, we got trouble!” he paused, and I waited for him to go on. “Jamie just slugged one of the carpenter bosses and he is wanting to see our crew boss and that be you.” I sighed knowing this was not going to be good. “Where are they? I asked, but looking over his shoulder I could see a whole crowd of guys heading my way, with Jamie in the center of it. I also saw who he must have punched in front of the crowd, Lester Cone. This was going to be great. Lester and I already had I hate relationship going…. Oh boy!

As he drew closer I could see that his right eye was swelling, and he was walking kind of funny. I spoke first, “What’s going on Lester? I heard you wanted to see me.” He kind of sputtered and stuttered finally getting out, “This is your fault! You encourage these guys to think they can get away with anything. But not this time. I want that kid’s brass and I am going to ask that they run you off, too!” I really hated this guy and at the moment I did not care if he got me fired, I wasn’t going to listen to him. I said, “Lester, don’t threaten me! Go file a complaint but not against the kid. Just put my name on the form. I told him to hit you if you kept whining about our hogging the use of the crane for the last week and he did. It was my fault, you were right for once.” He looked at me through his one good eye and said, “So tough. So smug. But this is the end.” As he turned away his shoulder glanced off me and without thinking, I swung him around and punched him in his left eye. “There, now you have a matching set!” I said. Boy, was I right, this was not going to be good!

I got into a lot of fights during my years under the influence. Trouble seemed to follow me around. Or maybe it was the other way around, I was following it. But the sad truth is it really did not make any difference. I wasted a lot of time being angry and alcohol along with drugs just made it worse.

I know now that a lot of that anger came from guilt. Guilt about my son, about my life style and the people I messed over along the way. But I really had no way of dealing with the guilt. It was just there, and it gnawed at me. Result was anger and from that violence.

That was one of the truly amazing things that happened when I was being transformed through the Word of God. The guilt I felt did not go away at first. I carried it with me like extra baggage. I had found so many promises in the Word that opened me to letting go, but first I had to believe in the one who already died carrying that baggage. I had to put my faith in Jesus Christ.

Reading this, “Then Jesus said, “Come to me all of you who are weary and carry every burden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) I really wanted to trust that it was true, believe. But I did not. Then one of the many miracles of my life happened, I was looking at a Bible commentary for a completely different reason when I read this “There is nothing in faith that makes it our savior. Faith cannot remove our guilt. Christ is the power of God unto salvation to all them that believe. The justification comes through the merits of Jesus Christ. He paid the price for the sinner’s redemption. Yet it is only through faith in His blood that Jesus can justify the believer.” (SDA Bible Commentary Volume 6, pg. 1071.9) I saw it, my faith could not save me or take my guilt away. He had already done so, on the cross. It made sense and I found I could believe it. That was the Holy Spirit.

He opened the door. If I was now willing to confess I believed there would be forgiveness. I started to seek out promises in His Word. One of my favorites was and still is, “I will cleanse them from their iniquity by which they have sinned against Me, and I will pardon all their iniquities by which they have sinned against Me and by which they have transgressed against Me. (Jeremiah 33:8) Or Hebrews 8:12, “I will forgive their wickedness and I will never again remember their sins.” When I was able to lay my guilt at the foot of the cross, I found my anger was laid there too. God is good!

Back on that jobsite years ago, Lester tried to get me fired and he sought to have me arrested. Maybe that would have been a good thing. But neither thing happened. Our bosses just told us to take it out in the parking lot and put black marks in our files, no big deal. But I continued to walk through life guilt ridden and angry for many years to come. I cannot say today, I do not regret many of my decisions, but I know that through the blood of Jesus I have been forgiven. I continue to seek way to recompense those I have hurt. If you are one, I am sorry. If you are seeking to lose your guilt baggage then know, “If we confess our sins. He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9) To that I say Amen.

Blessings John,

5/8/19

“I cannot lose!” That was what I mumbled to myself as I headed to cash in my tickets. We had just placed a winning ‘wheel’ bet on one of the dogs in the third race. This along with completing a trifecta was worth $3500.00. Even split two ways between my partner and myself not a bad return for a $400.00 outlay.

I was anxious standing in line at the pay-out window, maybe we should try to wheel the next race too. Luck was with me, there was no doubt. If we won that, I knew where there was a plane waiting to take us to Reno, Nevada. I could hear the craps tables calling me.

For now, I was at the Multnomah Kennel Club, in Portland, Oregon. As dog tracks go, it was better than some and worse than others. The dogs did not seem to be as doped up as at the Apache Greyhound Park in Phoenix, Arizona. The last dog track where I had lived close enough to be a regular. At least here I could pick winners more than 50% of the time. And today I could not lose, I chuckled to myself as I approached the window.

I knew the guy sitting in the pay-out booth. His name was Larry, he and I had met while drinking in one of the bars near the track. As he scanned my tickets his eyes brightened a bit, pushing his cigar to one side of his mouth said, “You got it going today, hey John!” I shrugged with all the false modesty I could muster, “Yeah, just another day in paradise for me, Larry.” With that he counted out the crisp hundred-dollar bills, all 35 of them. He also handed me an IRS slip and said, “Don’t forget to claim this on your taxes, buddy, Uncle Sam wants a piece of the pie too.” He laughed and I shrugged again thinking, they might want it but aren’t going to get it. Big talk for a big man. After all, I could not lose!

Finding my partner, we decided to go for it again and placed a wheel bet on the number 4 dog. All he had to do was win and any other dogs could place and show, it would mean another cool $1500.00. Standing by the rail close to the finish line I waited, knowing we would be taking home a couple grand a piece today. I could pay off some of my drug debt and have enough left to maybe take that trip to Reno. This was my lucky day.

As sure as rain the 4 dog trounced the field. His odds had been longer than we expected so the pay out was closer to $2000.00. When I collected at Larry’s window, he just shook his head and whispered, “Take it and run, buddy! I have seen too many not know when to get out.” I agreed we really needed to head north and with a wink said, “Right on, my friend, we are taking this show over to Reno, today is the day I cannot lose!” Larry’s eyes drew into slits and he whispered, “You wouldn’t want to bet on that would you?”

Of all my addictions gambling was probably the most like living on a roller coaster. For me it was never about the money. It was always all about the power. Days like the one I am describing here came along so seldom that I can count them on three fingers. Yet once I experienced it, like that first high I had on meth or cocaine, I chased that feeling for the rest of my days as an addict.

The thing about gambling, like all addictions, Satan whispers to each of us about its innocent pleasures. In years where I lived close to race tracks or near casinos, I would see spending time there as, ‘just a way to relax and let off steam”. But I would find myself yearning to go more and more often, again seeking that rush of ‘winning’. The problem about gambling for me was that it fed my other addictions. I needed meth to keep me up for hours on end. I needed booze to keep me even not letting the speed get me to high. I needed cigarettes to calm my nerves and keep me focused. When I was gambling, I was the whole addicted package and nothing and nobody else mattered.

I have people tell me all the time about the innocence of gambling. I can never agree with them. Most of them say, “We are not like you were. We are not out of control.” I answer in this way, “That is exactly right you are not out of control, you are very much under control.” Because anything that separates me from my walk with God seeks to control and divert me. The apostle John says it this way, “For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.” (1 John 2:16) And Jesus said this, “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money,” (Matthew 6:24) You can replace the word ‘money’ with anything that controls. Today and every day, I choose to serve the one master who promises me the eternal high, no more roller coasters for me.

I probably don’t have to tell you but by the end of that day I had lost everything I had won and was down probably another thousand bucks. We did make our way to Reno and I proceeded to continue to win at the craps table until, as it always did, the dice and my impatience did me in. Drugged, drunk and completely exhausted, I arrived home already making plans to recoup my losses and build a new fortune. It never happened. I never had another day like that, but I chased it every time I gambled. I won’t speak of the wasted money that now could be being put to use in God’s work. I will just suffice to say; I am blessed that I no longer chase that elusive golden carrot that Satan dangles. I now am happy to fill my days with His Word and be led by the Holy Spirit. Today is a day when I cannot lose! It is a sure thing!

Blessings
John
5/6/19