It had been weeks and still we were not speaking to one another. We now lived in armed camps. I had the west side of the house and she had the east. Problem was the kitchen was on her side. In order to cook food, I needed to wait until she was out doing her daily tour of thrift stores and junk shops looking for things to sell at the Rose Bowl swap meet. How did we ever get to this place?
The answer was simple, our relationship had become lost in accusations, jealousy and mired in both of our addictions. We no longer could find a place to come together. We were two people living in one house but no longer living in one life.
On a Sunday morning about two weeks after the entrenchment I heard my wife calling my name. We had not spoke in so long I was startled by it, “John… John can you hear me?” I was hesitant to answer, no I was not going to give her that pleasure. But she was insistent, “John I know you are in there, answer me!” Finally, I said, “Yeah what do you want, I am busy scheduling my crews for tomorrow?” I could hear her breathing now, there were tears and sadness in those breaths. Slowly she said, “I cannot do this anymore. You and I have to talk this over or maybe we need help. I am willing to see a counselor or talk to a minister… if you are not willing, I am thinking of driving to Oregon and staying with the kids until you can stop acting like a fool!” Her tears were flowing now I could tell. In my heart I knew I should go to her, agree to all she said, but I could not. My heart was cold. The distance between us seemed like a chasm no bridge could span. I said coldly, “Yeah, I think some time with your kids would do you good. Maybe it will do us all some good.” I heard the cries of sorrow as she left the house and soon my life for months to come. Distant and distance, the workings of a broken life.
In the past I was pretty good at social distancing. I didn’t know the term back then, but I did it with a vengeance in most of my relationships. Today we are faced with an enormous challenge in the world where coronavirus is the issue that is driving us all apart. Unlike the socially dysfunctional and addiction tainted world where I separated myself from my wife in war like camps, we are now subject to separation that none of us ever expected or wanted. But there are similar ways I could have dealt with it back then and how we can deal with this today. It simply comes down to love but not just human love. No something much deeper and all encompassing, if we let it. It is called Agape Love, and it is only found when we have a deep, consuming relationship with God.
You see, back when the story I have shared took place, I did not understand or even believe in God. My whole and concerning understanding of love came from the shallow feelings and emotions I found in self-gratification or in love given only when I got what I needed in return. Any circumstance could break it. Any problem became a mountain instead of a mole hill. I could say I loved my wife and in the same breath say I loved basketball, and both meant about the same to me. The scary thing is I look into the world around me as we are being incased in this new relationship with each other and I see the reflections of that ‘love’ for others shown in selfish actions and ideas. Where is the love?
In my case it took an attitude adjustment which only took place when I understood the cross of Jesus Christ. Here is how the Apostle Paul explains it,
“For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5: 6-8
Do you see it? I finally did. After years of a squandered life, God showed me through the guidance of His Word and the Holy Spirit, that even as I did not love him or others, he was still willing to die for me. That kind of love is transforming. That kind of love changed this self-absorbed man into one who knew he was a broken vessel but one who could be used to love others not as objects but as precious children of that same loving God!
Today we need that kind of love in the world. But folks, we can’t do it ourselves. We can’t do it in fear. We can only do it if we are willing to surrender our selfish lives to the One who knows the beginning from the end. If we can just let the Holy Spirit fill us with these thoughts and ways:
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
Do you think this could bring some peace to this world of turmoil and fear? I know it can. Think about it today. Pray and ask God for the spirit of love and not fear. He will give it freely.
Blessings
John
3/31/20
