“Who are you to tell me what to do?” The young guy looked at me with doubt and defiance. I was taken back by the question and for a minute I lost my bravado. For only the briefest of instants all my insecurities, addictions and lostness, took a hold of me. He must have seen it in my eyes, and it emboldened him, “Yeah, old man, who are you to tell me anything? I know what you are, you are just another all talk and no action kinda guy that I have had to put in there place more than once!” His arrogance and sudden strength re-ignited my pride and without even thinking, I was in his face and in his space. “So, it is action you want, hey, Billie. Ok, my young friend, I can give you that if you insist!”
With that he must have seen that whatever had shown in my eyes was now replaced with hardened hate and anger. “You want to know who I am to tell you what to do? Well, it is pretty simple. As long as you are on my crew and in my world, I own you. I really don’t care who you think you are. When you are here, I am your boss and you are the guy who jumps when I tell you to. Once we walk outside those gates,” I said pointing to the security fence that surrounded the project, “then if you want to know who I am in the parking lot, we can figure that out too.” With that I brushed past him pushing him out of the way with my shoulder. After walking about three feet, I turned and asked, “Are you going to locate the rebar that I asked you to find about a half hour ago or am I going to pull your brass and send you packing, it is up to you.” He lowered his head, now all the bravado had gone out of him. Shrugging he took the list I had made and headed back to the yard area where the material could be found. I looked on in satisfaction, knowing I had bluffed my way again. In my heart I knew who I was and knew that once I had drank five or six stiff ones after work, all the ghosts of my insecurities and lostness would creep back. But once I was drunk enough, I would not care. How I longed for that drink!
I have been asked and have asked myself more than once, “Who am I?” How about you? Have you ever asked yourself that simple but soul-searching question? For most of my life I would have tried to identify myself with the guy I just described above. I was a ‘bad’ guy who defined himself by his ability to do the job and ability to push anyone out of the way who thought I was not good enough or tough enough to get it all done. But in the quiet moments, alone in the by the week motels or fifth-wheel trailers I lived in, the truth would seep out. I had a hole in me that I could not fill. Yep, I could pour in gallons of booze and snort mountains of white powder. I could brawl with the best. Gamble every dime I had. I could cheat my wife and rob my child. But I would wake up every morning with a hole in me that was not filled by any of this but gaped even wider with each drink. Each line of speed. Each dollar I stole from my family to waste on the ‘sure thing’ bet! Nothing filled that void. And like a collapsing sink hole it just kept growing. But unlike the unforgiving earth and forces that create that hole, I found that all of us are offered a way to start to fill the one that is in each of us. But we cannot do it, only Jesus Christ can!
Sounds easy, huh? Well, I can only speak from my experience and for me it was not. As I had said, my hole was a true chasm the day I first started to listen to the Bible. Walking daily, I would spend 45 minutes absorbing the words not believing they could have any affect on me. A full year of doing so only began the process. The words were transforming:
“What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it?” (Luke 15:4)
But in my case, I needed more. I needed to know there were others who had struggled to allow Jesus to fill the void. I found this in a program called Celebrating Life in Recovery. My wife at the time was watching a Christian network called 3ABN, she called me out of my office and said, “You need to watch this show, this woman has a testimony that will blow you away!” The woman was Cheri Peters and over the next three years I would not only watch the show but would become involved in the 14 week program by the same name, ‘Celebrating Life in Recovery’ and it was within its small group environment that I was able to see the junk that had ruled my life had kept me from forming a full relationship with the God who created me and wanted me to be whole.
Over the last 10 years I have had the blessing and the privilege to lead and bring others to a fuller recovery from not only addiction junk but any hole in their lives that needed filling as only Jesus Christ himself can do. The cool thing is that today we are offering something amazing to anyone who has read this and feels the need in their lives to grow and be filled. In less than three weeks we will bring this program into your home, as Cheri presents Celebrating Life in Recovery on Zoom.
Starting Thursday, June 11th at 7:00 pm (EDT) the same 14 week program that has help heal unnumbered people around the world, including me, will be available to anyone who has a computer or cell phone and is capable of spending a few hours each week sharing with friends who know your pain and want to help you fill your void. All of it without leaving the safety and comforts of your home. Also knowing the difficult times, we are all going through Cheri is offering the program for free with the opportunity to support the work through no obligation donations.
My friend, today if you are able to recognize, as I did years ago, that you have a void only Jesus can fill, then come join us. There is much more info available by visiting www.truestep.org. To register for the program or seek more info email me at clirecovery@gmail.com or Cheri at CelebratingLife4Christ@gmail.com You will be blessed and so will we. Fill the void!
Blessings
John
5/24/20
