Month: February 2019

I was in my 3rd day. I could not remember if I had slept in that time or even where I had been or what I had done. I was now sitting on the couch of the house I shared with a woman. We were not involved except as friends and shared renters. I had no idea where she might be, I had not seen her in a couple of days, I thought. This was not unusual, she often spent days on end at her latest boyfriend’s house. But as foggy as my memory was right now, she could have been here partying with me yesterday and I would not remember. So much alcohol and drugs.

Right now, on the mirror laying on the coffee table there was what looked like the remnant of an 8-ball of speed. Along side that sat a three-quarter empty fifth of Black Velvet whiskey. I felt so tired. And right now, I had a choice, stop and try to get this stuff out of my system or do that next line of speed and down that last gulp of booze.

I lay my head back and contemplated. For the first time in my adult life, I was not working as an Ironworker. Being laid off from the Satsop nuke plant, in Elma Washington, I had decided it was time for a career change and put my chef talents to the test. I was now working at a 5-star restaurant in Olympia. Since making this decision and having a 4-evening work schedule, I had found I had so much more time to party. Three-day blasts like this were becoming common place and restaurant work may be easier but the pay was lousy, and my drug debt, alimony and child support were mounting by the day. All this to say, I needed to get off the party train and get serious. But that was easier said then done.
Bottom line was that I had had this conversation with myself many times before, but I had made the same choice every time, party now and pay later. I was about to make that choice again when I heard a knock at the front door. Immediately panic swept me. Paranoiac scenarios blazed through my drug-soaked brain. Cops, enemies, ex-wife or angry drug dealer. Before I could reckon with any the door opened and in came Shelly, the bartender at the restaurant. We had been more than friends but our on again off again relationship had been messed with by my habits and sketchy behavior.

Upon seeing me I could see the disapproval and disgust spread across her face and like an avenging angel she moved from the door to where I sat with 3 strides. I thought for a minute she was going to overturn the coffee table and I made a move to protect the drugs. Instead she stopped short and shook her head, “I’ve tried calling here several times in the last few hours. I should have known you would be at it again.” Now she just stared and as she did belligerence welled up in me, “So what did you want? Are you my keeper now? Why was it so important that I quit partying to answer the phone? You know I unplug it on the weekends!” I was shaking now, mainly from the speed coursing through me but also with the unholy rage of a druggie. Glaring at her, I watched as her countenance fell and she said in an almost sympathetic voice, “Your Ex has also been calling here and just about every bar you hang out at and finally she called the restaurant.” Stopping for a moment she then almost whispered, “Your son has had an accident and needed several stitches.” She just thought you should know and maybe would want to see him.” With that my whole façade collapsed and the guilt began to crush me.

Guilt! I have experienced so much of it in my life. Most of it comes from the poor choices I made as an addict and their devastating results. None will ever top the choices or lack of them that I made about and with my son. But there were so many more. And as the layers of guilt buried me I at first blamed God. Then I became so hardened that I stopped believing there was a God at all. If there was why would he allow me to be so lost. Why couldn’t he just take these addictions away, ‘cure’ me. So, I ran from the very thing that God was seeking to do, save me.

Along the way I was forced into listening to God’s Word. If you have read this blog, you know the story. Walking 45 minutes a day, I listened. Not as a believer but as a hardened God hater. And as I did this, I heard story after story of God saving and of man messing up and of God saving again, once man confessed and surrendered to his saving power. I couldn’t believe that ‘being saved’ could be that easy and it wasn’t until I heard the gospel story of Jesus on the cross that I realized my salvation was not easy at all. But God made the choice anyway. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that anyone who believes in him may not perish but have ever lasting life.” (John 3:16) God made the hard choice and all he asked in return was for me to believe. He would not force me. I too had to make a choice. And you know what? When I finally did, he did remove my addictions. He did remove my guilt, not easily, but layer by layer. Free will God’s gift to us. In it I was saved.

That day so many years ago, I swore I would never do another line of drugs. I would cut way back on my drinking. Even though my son’s injury was minor, my guilt was heavy, at least for about a week. Then I succumb to the addictions again and the layer of guilt was applied. Each time I would swear never to do it again and each time another layer. I am guilt free today. Not because of anything I do but God promises, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us of all our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9) Layers of guilt have been laid at the foot of the cross. I have surrendered daily to him who saves me. It is the best choice I have ever made.

Blessings John,
2/27/19

4:30 in the morning and the traffic on the 405 heading up the Sepulveda Pass was already at a standstill. Maybe I should take the side streets up through the canyon? Looking off to my right I could see Sepulveda Boulevard was bumper to bumper also. No escape from this traffic, I was not going to be on the job in Marina Del Rae at 5:00 like I was supposed to. And everybody thinks living in Los Angeles is life in the fast lane. Not if you are driving.

I had to decide before the last valley exit if I wanted to start my day on another jobsite and head to the Marina later. I could call my foreman and tell him to handle the safety meeting with the General Contractor and I would meet with them mid-morning and hash out the scheduling issues they wanted to talk to me about. My mind must have wandered, and I was roused by the blare of a horn. Startled, I looked up and I could see that the traffic had moved ahead, and I was holding up the cars behind me. Before I could react, the car immediately behind cut out into the far lane and tried to pass me. I could see it was a fancy sports car and the driver looked like a blond woman. Her impatience was not going to pay off, because as she cut out a car in that lane rear ended her causing her to back into my lane. By some wonder I was able to stop without hitting her car, but I was now closed in and without backing up I was going nowhere.

As I lay my head down on the steering wheel, I heard pounding on my window, looking up there was the blond from the sports car, and I could tell she was not a happy camper. Sighing I rolled my window down. Before it was open more than a few inches, vulgarities and swear words were being hurled my way. The gist of it was that all of this was my fault. The guy from the car that had hit her was going at it too. But he was ranting at her. After a few minutes of verbal abuse, I decided enough was enough and I screamed, “Shut up!” There were a few choice swear words in my declaration also. It seemed to startle both the woman and the man. She then began to cry, and the man threw up his hands. About this time, I saw the cops had arrived. Another start to another beautiful day living the good life in California.

How do you handle the rough spots in your life? You know, you get up in the morning and have your day pretty much planned out. Then all hell breaks loose. Your kid wakes up with the flu. Your car has a flat tire. You make it to work only to find out that your job has been down-sized. Any number of things can happen in a day that can derail all of our best intentions. And for most of us the answer to these situations come in the form of stress or anger or even worse, we turn to some substance to calm the waters. The problem is that none of these work.

When I talk about this, I am speaking from experience. Even though I was an addict for years, I tried to live an organized life. I had many responsibilities I in my work life, as a superintendent or general foreman for several companies I worked for over the years. Days would begin as the one I have described above. The day would be planned then the sky would fall in. It did not have to be as major as being involved in an accident, it could be that I had an argument with my wife before I left for work. A cloud would hang over that day and 9 times out of 10 it would lead to my self-medicating with booze or drugs or both. I have found that my problem then was I did not start my day out right. I did not have God’s Word or prayer in my life. I went out into this sin filled planet without the armor of God in place.

Folks, I am going to tell you that now I never begin my day until I absorb these verses: Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which, you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints— (Ephesians 6: 10-18)

Before I accepted Jesus in my life, I did not understand that we are in a spiritual war everyday and Satan will throw those fiery darts at us. Without the armor we have only worldly defenses. For me that was alcohol and drugs. For others it may be allowing stress to steal all their joy. The truth is without Jesus we have no defense. When I put on the armor, I am really asking Jesus who is the way, the truth and the life to live in me today. I cannot start my day without that. How about you?

Man, I tell you, that morning on the 405 turned into a nightmare of a day. The contractor on the Marina job wanted my head for not showing up on time. Other projects had troubles. By 2:00 in the afternoon, I was sitting in my truck in a park in Santa Monica drinking. I had been frustrated, angry and defeated. I still have days where Satan attacks, but I now have the indwelling Jesus, I put on his armor every morning. I know am not alone and that has made all the difference.

Blessings
John
2/25/19

Today I have no stories to share. But what I do have is sure to be a blessing. RuthAnn and I attended a Prayer Conference last weekend. It was a time of regeneration. Over the year it seems, at least for me, that my prayer battery runs down. I become less of a prayer warrior and more of a praying wounded! Maybe I just lose some of my first love for Jesus. Any way I look at it, I was in need of an attitude adjustment.

Our speaker was a Godly young man by the Name of Michael Smith. He is a pastor and prayer minister. Sharing his prayer life was so enlightening. He truly believes and does what the apostle Paul speaks boldly of, “Rejoice at all times. Pray without ceasing. Give thanks in every circumstance, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.…” (1 Thessalonians 5: 17-18) Throughout his day he finds ways to pray without ceasing and in every circumstance. He might see a car that reminds him of someone on his prayer list, he sends up a brief prayer. I am sure you get the idea. I had never thought about it before, but I am now opening my prayer life to it.

Another thing he emphasis was praying God’s Word. That in every one of our prayer we should be applying Bible scripture. But to do this we need to have the Word implanted in our minds. So today I wanted to share a way for us to do just that. It is called “The Word Hand” and I am copying the following directly from their website.

The Word Hand

As a “lamp unto [our] feet and a light unto [our] path (Psalm 119:105), the Word of God is more than simply a set of guidelines or recommendations. It gives us the foundation for how we live, move, and shape every aspect of our lives (see 2 Timothy 3:15-17). The Word Hand Illustration is a simple way to break down five methods of taking in God’s Word.

Hearing

Romans 10:17
Hearing the Word taught by godly pastors and teachers provides fresh insight into the Scriptures to challenge and expand your own understanding, as well as stimulating your own appetite for its truth.

Reading

Revelation 1:3
Reading the Bible is often the way that God most directly speaks to us. Many people find it helpful to use a daily reading program or other method that takes a systematic approach to drawing lessons from the Bible.

Studying

Acts 17:11
Earnestly studying the Scriptures allows God’s Word to speak directly to our hearts—to correct, encourage, and edify us. Writing down your discoveries will help you organize and remember them.

Memorizing

Psalm 119:9, 11
Memorizing God’s Word trains us to use of the Sword of the Spirit when we are faced with temptations and opposition by Satan. By holding passages from the Bible in our minds we are also able to have them readily available for witnessing or in encouraging others with a “word in season” (2 Timothy 4:2).

Meditating

Psalm 1:2, 3
Meditation is the thumb of the Word Hand, because when used in conjunction with each of the other methods, the Spirit begins to deeply move in our hearts and speak to our souls. Only as we meditate on God’s Word—thinking of its meaning and application in our lives—will we discover its transforming power at work within us.’

The Word Hand illustration is shown at the top of this blog. If you are reading this in an email, you can jump over to my website www.my-lostandfound.net or just type in ‘The Word Hand’ into any browser.

Any tool that can imprint God’s Word in our minds is worth sharing. I pray you will find this useful in your walk.

Blessings and Happy Sabbath,
John
2/22/19

The woman sat next to me at the bar across from a car wash on Santa Monica Boulevard. Years later this same bar was made famous in a song. I can’t remember who sang it, but I am sure this is the bar she sang about. The woman now sitting next to me was dressed to the nines, expensive suit and shoes. She certainly seemed out of place in this bar and at this time, 10:30 AM on a Tuesday.

I was there because of a ‘rain out’. We had started our day working on the new Hilton in downtown Santa Monica but by 8:00 it was pouring, so I called it for the day. Most of my crew had headed to Sepulveda Boulevard to hang out at the strip joints lining that street in the valley, I had declined. I just wanted a couple of quiet drinks and when I was in this part of town, this was the place to be for a good drink in peace. Today was no different.

I was drinking my third Screwdriver when the sharp dressed lady had come in and sat next to me. There was no reason for her to do so, the bar was empty except for a few of the regulars who were near the low playing TV at the end of the bar. I was pretty sure she had an agenda, it made me cautious. Even so, not looking at her in the bar mirror was hard to do and soon enough we made eye contact. With that she smiled, and I reluctantly smiled back. The door was open.

Still looking in the mirror, she said, “I have seen you in here before.” That surprised me. I had not taken her for someone who would frequent this place, so I said more out of curiosity than need for conversation, “Really? You drink here a lot?” With that she smiled and maybe because she had seen my surprise said, “Yeah, I live in the area and I come in here now and again. Maybe you just don’t see me that often in this get up.” Pointing at her clothes. “Some time in my line of work you need to dress the part.” With that she winked at me in the mirror and laughed at what was now the expression on my face. “What, you thought I was a business executive?” More laughter. “No, my trade is more lucrative then that!” I got the picture but was to embarrassed to say it out loud, she had no problem, “It is ok, I see you thinking the word or words. Let’s just say I am in the escort business.” More laughter.

Soon we were sitting in silence again, then she asked, “Where is the crew of guys you normally come in with? The big Hispanic dude and the surfer type you shoot pool with. Not with you today?” I told her where they had headed, and she just shrugged and nodded her head. But now I was curious again, “How do you know so much about me and I can’t even remember seeing you before?” She shrugged again, “In my business it is good to be a people watcher. I separate people in groups, especially guys, ‘safe’ and ‘bad’.” Before she said more, I said, “So you think I am one of the ‘safe’ guys?” She nodded knowingly and responded, “Oh yeah. You probably think you are one of the bad ones. But I see your heart, man, you have a kind heart.” Then she said something I would have never expected her to say, “Safe guys, like you, have too much God in them to be really bad. And believe me I know the difference. I have seen it. You have a touch of God in you.”

This was the first time in many years anyone had said something like that to me. My years of substance abuse and dealing with bad people had really tainted my view of myself. Yet somewhere in me, even then, I felt a spark. It is strange how God works. All along my path I have had experiences like the one I am describing today. Glimmers of encouragement in a sea of hopelessness. And I can testify that God can use us all in this way even if we do not acknowledge who he is.

The truth is, my friends, that God is always reaching out to us even as we are wallowing in the sins of this world. Here is His promise, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10) The all-knowing, all seeing God is always there. If you doubt that today, I want to assure you that He was able to save me, an addict, a drug dealer, a man who abandoned his child. You too have a touch of God in your heart. I call it the Holy Spirit and he is just waiting for you to respond. Do it today!

Strange thing about this encounter with the woman at the bar, I never remember seeing her before or did I ever see her again. Can God sent someone in the likeness of a prostitute to encourage me? Well, He used Rehab the prostitute to help Israel conquer Jericho and she is in the lineage of Jesus. Who she was I will never know until I am in God’s Kingdom, but I do know that her words were a soothing salve? I could not, at the time, fully believe them yet they gave me an assurance that later became part of my acceptance of Jesus Christ. I was blessed sitting in a bar on Santa Monica Boulevard, maybe I should write a song about that.

Blessings John,
2/20/19

Dead End, the sign read. I had been driving around this neighborhood and ending up here at this exact place for at least an hour. Straining my eyes to see the address, that had been written down on a bar napkin, I was sure it had to be somewhere close by. 2347 Highland Drive. But that could not be right. I was sitting at what had to be the end of Highland Drive and the last house had been 2237. There must be another street by the same name or there had to be another section of this road somewhere else. It probably made no difference any more. I had been a half hour late when I arrived in the neighborhood and with the time I had spent looking, my opportunity must be gone. The guy I was seeking to meet must have left. Another waste of time.

As I sat thinking and was about to turn the car around one last time, I noticed headlights coming my way. Must be someone who lived in one of these houses just behind of where I was parked. Wrong again. As the car drew closer it lit up red and blue, great, a cop car.

Now I was panicked, I was holding about an 1/8 a gram of speed and there was no place to ditch it. Still maybe I could shove it in the lining of the trucks seat cover and then hope for the best. Grabbing under the seat I tried not to look too suspicious. I did not want the cops to think I was reaching for a gun or anything. Slowly I slipped the baggie up and tucked it near the seat belt just as I heard a car door open and could see an officer approaching in my driver’s side rearview mirror. He stopped near the taillight of my truck and in the glow of it I saw his hand was on his holster. I raised both of my hands and settled them on the steering wheel where he could see them, shouting over my shoulder through the driver’s side window I said, “I am unarmed! What is the problem?”

I looked in the passenger’s side mirror in time to see while I had been distracted with the one cop, another had moved silently to the passenger’s door and now turned on an enormous flash light, lighting up the entire interior of the truck. Keeping my hands on the steering wheel I lowered my head to cut the glare and heard a voice through the open driver’s window, “Son, don’t move till I tell you, I am going to open this door and ask you to step out of the truck slowly… keeping those hands where I can see them.” The rest happened quickly, as I got out, hands raised I was turned and leaned against the truck cab and searched. By then both cops were in front of me. Again, I asked, “What is the problem? I am lost and have been looking for an address but haven’t been doing anything.” The cop who had frisked me now was looking inside my truck. Under the seats and in the glove box, while the other held the light on me, they did not speak. Finally, the cop leaned back out of the truck with my registration. “Are you John Weston? Is this your truck?” As I nodded, I could feel sweat running down my back. As I glanced into the truck in the bright light, I could see a corner of the baggie with my drugs poking out near the seat belt buckle. Raising my head toward the sky and out of the glaring flashlight, I saw the Dead End sign again. “Yeah,” I thought, “ain’t this perfect? No where to run, no where to hide…my life keeps ending up right here. Another dead end!”

I’ve written a lot of blogs about my messed-up life and how accepting Jesus has changed it, I guess that is what I do. Every one of those stories were about dead ends because that was my life. Like in the story I am sharing today, my life was me wandering in the dark in search of something, I never was sure of what, and of course never finding what I was seeking. Coming to the realization I was at the Dead End sign again. Drugs, alcohol, sex and all the worldly pleasures are so enticing, yet every one of them is the real ‘dead end’ better known as death.

I am sure I could quote all kinds of statistics, but I think God’s Word says it best, “For the wages of sin is death…” that is from the book of Romans. And if it ended there a guy like me would always be at a dead end forever and so would you, but there is hope because the second part of that same verse says, “…but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23)

When I began to trust in Jesus, all the dead-end roads were now open. Yes, I had to leave behind those things that had kept me wandering and lost. And it took time to find a new and better GPS. Oh, not the one you have in your car or on your phone this GPS stands for “God’s Plan of Salvation” and it is found in His Word. When you have this GPS there are no more dead ends, only roads that lead to eternal life. And it is free because Jesus already paid the price on the cross. How cool is that?

Back at that Dead End sign, I was not arrested. One of the locals had called the cops seeing a strange truck wandering through their neighborhood for over an hour. Once they were satisfied, I had no weapons and was basically harmless, they let me go without searching my truck further. I had been saved again at another dead end in my life, but I was to lost in my addictions to see it at the time. How blessed am I today to know that at all those dead ends there was hope and a new road if I just looked to the one who was already looking for me? If you are at a dead end today, seek Him using a better GPS. With it you can’t miss the road to eternity. It is a sure thing.

Blessings John,
2/18/19