I love music. Sometimes I actually think in music. I will have an idea about something I am working on and music will be playing almost like a theme song or something. It can be a little weird, but I cannot remember a time when it wasn’t like that.
As a kid it was all about rock and roll. During my high school years at the seminary, my best friend Reggie and I would spend hours listening to the rock band Chicago. Not the Peter Cetera version full of love songs and top 40 hits. No this was the band driven by the amazing guitar work of Terry Kath and filled with powerful horns. I thrived on it and Reg tells me often that he credits becoming the ‘blow ‘em away’ guitar player he is from those sessions of listening to their early albums. Yeah, there were other bands I liked but nothing compared.
As I got older and involved in the drug scene, the music seemed to fit whatever drug was the party center. It was a wide range and sometimes it could get dark and scary. Bands like Black Sabbath started to fill my already mixed up brain with thoughts of the dark side of life. As I went more and more out of control the stuff I listened to did also.
The strange thing was when I sobered up long enough to feel something, I would find I wanted peaceful music around me. Crooners from the 1940’s singing Broadway classics or even the occasional symphony playing some classical piece. The famous phrase coined by William Congrave in The Mourning Bride, “Musick has the charms to soothe a savage beast. To soften rocks or bend a knotted oak.” was true in my life. Music had the power to destroy or to sooth and I was torn between the two.
So, when I came to the Lord, music was an issue. My head was and is filled with thousands of songs and as I said before I have a sound track running in my head 24/7. It can be very distracting. People have given me all kinds of advice like, “Fill your head with sacred music, it will rid you of the bad stuff that is in there!” I have tried that but to tell you the truth it did not work. RuthAnn and I go to a gym normally five days a week at between 3:30 and 4:00 AM. There is always loud rock and roll playing. I try to block it out by listening to a morning devotional, but it sneaks in sometimes and can literally take over my devotion. I struggle with music!
I know a lot of you out there might be saying, “So what’s wrong with that? Music, even rock and roll music isn’t all bad, there are some really positive stuff out there. Some of it is even Christian rock.” Well, I won’t disagree with that if it works for you. I am not here to condemn music of any kind. But in my case most music especially rock and roll are like a trigger. It brings stuff to mind that should not be there and leads me further away from God, not closer to Him and in there lies my problem.
I find that my daily walk with God is fragile and even if I cannot stop the music that plays in my head, I can stop how it affects me. Here is what I have been doing lately and it seems to be working for me. Instead of trying to block the song or tune or whatever when it starts playing, I try and relate it to a Bible verse or at least counter it with a verse. Here is an example. The other day I was mowing the lawn and without me knowing it I found the words from Steely Dan’s song “Kid Charlemagne” were running through my head. A tune about a drug dealer whose business is gone wrong and now is about to go on the run. It was a favorite during my drug dealing years. So, instead of trying to force it out of my brain or replace it with a sacred song, I tried to find a Bible verse to relate to it and the Holy Spirit brought this to me, “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man, and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape, also, so you will be able to endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13) That led me to try to understand why that particular verse was given to me. I was led to some amazing thoughts and reassurances that Jesus has truly transformed me. Rock music has become a Bible study tool. Weird, huh?
On any given day and at any moment, Satan tries to remind me of my past and music is one of his favorite weapons. But God has a plan for me and you too. Part of that plan for me is not to run from my past but to embrace it. No not wallow in it but grow closer to Him out of it. I no longer fear or worry about the music in my head because I believe, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purposes. (Romans 8:28) Now that rocks!
Blessings and Happy Sabbath, John
3/9/18
