“Jump! Come on what are you waiting for?” Friends in the pool about 30’ below were jibing me. As I stood there, I had no fear of heights. I had worked on multi-story buildings and had walked across 8” beams hundreds of feet off the ground. But as I stood on that cliff above the quarry where we had gathered on that hot summer day, I was petrified. There was a difference between walking on a beam and jumping off a cliff, or at least as far as I was concerned. I did not want to do it but how would that look? The big Ironworker, who defies death daily, now afraid to jump. Especially after almost everyone below had done so.
As I was standing there, I heard a voice behind me. “Hey, John, you know you don’t have to do this.” I turned to see Charon, a small red-headed girl standing there smiling. She was looking at me as if she could read my mind. “You have nothing to prove. I think it doesn’t make any sense at all jumping off a cliff this high. Come on we can head down or maybe we should just leave.” At this I shook my head, “No way, Char, if I don’t do this I will never live it down! You know that as well as I do these guys think I have no fear. I mean, all the stories I have told about the crazy things I have done. I have got to do this.”
She stood looking at me for a moment and then did something I would have never expected. Within a second it seemed like, she was standing next to me. Grabbing my hand she pulled me with her as she pushed off the precipice. In a minute my heart was in my throat and I was plummeting toward the water. Bracing for impact, I hit the water feet first. It was colder than I would have expected, and I had to control myself from taking a breath while still under the water. As I came to the surface, Charon was already up. I could see she looked as amazed as I felt. And I knew she had not expected to do what she did either. Swimming over to me she whispered, “It is always easier to face fear with another ‘fraidy cat’ don’t you think?” I started laughing so hard I swallowed a big mouthful of water. Coughing and hacking, I could only shake my head. Yeah, she was right.
As a non-believer I pretended a lot that I had no fear. There were so many other instances including on the job where I would put on the face of stoic calm when inside I was cringing like that little boy who was so afraid of the dark. The problem was that most of the time there were no ‘Charon’s’ to grab my hand as I leapt into the unknown. It was all about me and what I could do in the face of fear.
I wish I could say when I came to the Lord all that changed but I really didn’t. The hard reality was I had little faith and even less trust in man or God. And though I started to believe that God existed, and Jesus was truly the Son of God. I still chose not to grab His hand.
The beautiful and amazing thing about God is that He is like my friend Charon, He knows my fear and wants to take that leap of faith with me. Did you know that His assurance of ‘Fear not’ is in the Bible 365 times, that is one promise for every day of the year? One of my favorites, which I have quoted in these pages dozens of times is, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)
It was that promise and so many others like it that cracked through my self-sufficient fear. But what it also did was help me to see that my fear and how I dealt with it was a matter of pride. I did not want to show the world a vulnerable man who needed other folks and a Savior God to face fear. But His Word convicted me that I did. And I also learned it was the only way to know pure love, God’s love because, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” (1 Corinthians 13:4) In faith, began to trust and to admit my fear, now grabbing the nail-marked hand of the Savior. He is the one who willingly died the second death for me. And now lives ever to intercede for us.
Now a days I have been blessed with a partner that has taught me even more about trust and faith. In RuthAnn I have found in those times when I am back on that cliff petrified with fear, she will be there to assure me I am not alone. It is more than awesome.
I lost contact with Charon after I left Washington state. I had to leave without saying good bye to a lot of people because I was on the run from a dealer who was causing me a whole lot of fear. I was always sad that I had never thanked her for taking that plunge with me. Maybe she will read this and smile. I know I am laughing out loud today. Now there is still fear but it is covered in faith!
Blessings John
4/30/18
