“What is it all about?” I mumbled to myself at one of the lowest points in my life. I was sitting alone at a bar in Provo, Utah. My latest marriage was in shambles and I had heard from my brother that my son was trying to locate me, but I was still in hiding from those in Washington state where he lived that wanted money or my head and didn’t care which they got. I could not get in contact without endangering me and maybe him too. So, as I sat there all the failures of my life piled up and wanted to bury me.
I could count them. Two marriages and even more affairs all failures. A son who I hadn’t talked to in 5 or 6 years. If that wasn’t enough just 6 months before my second business venture went in the tank. I now had a good job as a general foreman, but I was sure it was a dead end too.
Taking a gulp from the drink in front of me, I could not remember how many I had already downed. I called Mel the bartender over and asked him, “How many of these have I had?” He shrugged and said, “Too many, but what else is new. Just another day in the life, huh, John?” I shrugged back and downed the rest of my drink. Holding up the glass I said, “What am I doing here, Mel? What is all this about?” He gave me a tired expression and I knew he had heard that question many times before. Pouring me a fresh whiskey he said in an almost mechanical tone, “Life is tough and then you die! This is it buddy boy! So, drink up and get your head out of your backside.” Of course, he used a different word, but you get the idea. I so wanted to hear something, anything but that. But I knew he was right. Or at that time I was sure he was.
I left the bar that night so blitzed I could barely walk to my motel room across the street. I was so alone and for a moment I thought how nice it would be if I could just end it all. But as I fell on to the old bed in that musty room something was still alive in me. Something said, “Hang in there!” It would take over twenty years for me to know who had whispered in my ear that night and on many other nights like it. Also, to understand why He was with me.
I know there are many who read this who have asked that age old question, “What is it all about? Or maybe, “Why am I here?” I know that I did for many years and even though I never got an answer. I now know why. I was asking the wrong guy. Or maybe the wrong spirit is a better way of putting it.
It is my belief that when I did not know Jesus, there was another who kept giving me the hopeless feelings and answers that kept me in bondage and close to death. His name is Satan and he really likes it when we ask those questions without hope. But in my case even as he would answer, and I would believe him, I know there was another who kept wanting me to have hope and see the one who gives all hope. The Holy Spirit was the one who whispered, “Hang in there!” and I also know that it was the prayer of others for me that gave him permission to save me, even when I did not know or maybe want to be saved.
I know now that there were people, some of whom were strangers that were lifting me in prayer and as the years went by more were on their knees and with the words of Jesus to Paul, prayed like this for me, “….open their (his) eyes, and to turn them (him) from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they (he) may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me. (Acts 26:18) (parentheses are mine) I know a particular grandmother who prayed these exact words daily. And even though it took years I found the answer to those questions and it isn’t a ‘what’ or a ‘why’ but a who, Jesus Christ!
Today I am the one who prays daily for others who have no hope but the shifting sands of this world and the hopeless words of Satan. I believe so thoroughly in the power of prayer and trust so earnestly what Jesus said, “Ask and it will be given to you, seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. (Matthew 7:7) I know the Holy Spirit will whisper to those whom I pray for to, “Hang in there.” And one day the door of their heart will be open.
If you are reading this and need this hope today, I am lifting you to the One who saves completely and, “Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.” (Hebrews 3:15) I pray you will listen. If you who are reading this and are praying for another, do not lose hope. Pray the prayer of Acts 26:18 and know God is working. I wouldn’t be writing this if it weren’t true.
Blessings John
5/2/18
