I was wondering if I will ever get to a place where my faith is so strong that I stop anticipating trouble is around every corner. I still worry things to death! I want to trust and believe all will go well and that the Lord has me covered but it never holds up when I am under pressure.
I think the best example of this was the year I was trying to decide if I should retire from business that I had been in for over 40 years or just keep working. It was a tough decision. I mean, the money was good, and I could work out of my house, never going into the office. On the other hand, I knew that the work I was doing was keeping me from a closer walk with God.
The problem was as a project manager, I had to tow the company line, even if that meant stretching the truth. I was fine with this when I was hired on in 2002. In fact, I was proud of my prowess as a liar and my ability to keep a ‘poker face’ in any meeting where I would have to lie. And I had done it well for over seven years until I had come to the Lord and found this put me in a bind with my company and what they required out of me.
So, from the beginning of 2016 I knew I had a decision to make. I was blessed to have several good friends to confide in. But I just could not accept the idea of giving up the security the job offered even after many advised I should. For the first three or four months I went back and forth. I would pray and seek guidance from the Holy Spirit then sit at my desk and do whatever was required. It was like l had a split personality.
Then in May I started talking to this woman from Georgia. For some reason I felt right away I could confide in her. I would give her all the reasons I should not retire and from the beginning she would have only positive feedback. The more we talked the more I could see that I was allowing my worldly desires to overpower the trust I should have in God. It took a lot of prayer and RuthAnn’s strength and support, but I did walk away from that job and it has allowed me to draw closer to the Lord.
That should have settled it for me, don’t you think? Taking that leap of faith which didn’t end only with retiring but remarriage and moving to Georgia all at once. Here I am a year and one half later and even though God has proven faithful in all that has happened, I still struggle everyday with trusting Him when I have a decision to make.
The difference now from when I didn’t walk with the Lord is, I may struggle but even in my moments of faithlessness I can turn to God’s Word and find something to grab onto. So Today I want to list some verses I look at in those moments that have helped me:
“I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate,” (Romans 7:15) What I love about this verse is that it is written by a great man of faith, Paul. It helps to know that even he could end up doing the opposite of what he knew was right. I find strength in that when I fail.
“Therefore, you shall be perfect just as your Father in heaven is perfect.” (Matthew 5:48) Maybe you think this is a strange verse to look at when I am lacking faith. But the truth is, it makes me realize I can’t ever be perfect unless I turn all things over to Jesus. And that is just what I don’t do when I lack faith. I need the reminder.
“Immediately, the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24) This one is rather obvious. I repeat this often when I am in the depth of my doubt.
“Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.” (Mark 16:16) I like this verse because it reminds me that there really are only two choices, believe and be saved or don’t. The simplicity of this is often my convincer!
There are many more, but I use these most often to help to turn my natural negative self to the positive. I am blessed also now that I am married to that positive force who helped through that year of doubt. God knew what He was doing when He connected me with RuthAnn! I pray today if you are struggling with unbelief today one of these verses might help. Whatever you do don’t let the moment get you down, He is there to pick you up. Thank you Jesus.
Blessings John,
5/23/18
