- What is the cost? When I was involved in selling drugs that was always the bottom line. It was pretty basic. The lower the upfront cost the more profit. And to get this done people were willing to cheat lie and maybe even kill. I found out how this worked when I was offered a better deal than my guy by one of his competitors.
I had been cornered into dealing because I had accrued a larger debt than I could cover. The guy I was buying my speed from was always after me to deal to the crowd I hung around with, ‘open up a new branch’ was how he put it. But as long as I was able to stay even with my drug costs, I had no interest in dealing. Unfortunately, the time came when I was doing more and floating on credit, never a good thing to do with a drug dealer. Soon he had me just where he wanted me, thousands of dollars owed and no way to pay.
In a way I was given an offer I couldn’t refuse, deal or die. Sounds pretty dramatic but you would have to know my dealer. There was no doubt he was capable of killing or at least I thought so. So, I began my reluctant career in drug dealing. The first thing I learned was it was all about the bottom line, what was the cost.
At first, I had no part of the buying on large scale. I was given what I could sell plus enough for my nose. But within 6 months, I was going on ‘buys’ with my guy and this is where life got bad or maybe I should say worse. His idea was to have me make the deals and he would stay in the shadows. If the buy was a setup or a sting, I would go down, he would be free as a bird.
What he never figured on was that I would have the guts to cheat or steal from him. But where drugs and taking care of my habit were concerned I was willing to risk more than he knew. Soon I was making side deals with his sources buying on credit and getting more profit. It worked good for a while but as always happened in the drug world, someone rolled over on me and I was caught in between a rock and a hard place, stuck between two nasty drug dealers. I had found when basing my very existence on ‘what is the cost’ all was in jeopardy.
As I was thinking about writing today that phrase ‘what is the cost’ kept running through my mind. I knew in my life at one time I was willing to risk it all just to keep my drug demons appeased. In the strange way my mind works it brought me to the foot of the cross and there asking the question, “What was the cost to our Savior?”
His wasn’t the need for self-gratification. His was all about our salvation, “…the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve and give his life a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28) Is that easy for you to understand? It sure wasn’t for me. God’s cost, His bottom line was whatever it took to save us, He was willing to do, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)
When I think of my life and the terrible things I have done, and I try to wrap my mind around the idea that Jesus would have paid the same price on the cross just to save me, I am more than humbled I am astounded. Here is what C.S. Lewis wrote: “When he died in the Wounded World He died not for men, but for each man. If each man had been the only man made, He would have done no less.” (Perelandra 1943) The cost was all heaven for one sinner!
Back then my desire to cheat the bottom line ended up with me on the run from not one but two drug dealers. I was willing to pay the price for my addictions but not the ultimate. I am blessed to know that I have a Savior who was willing to pay it all even for a sinner like me. But not only that, “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” (2 Corinthians 5:21) Jesus became sin on the cross so that I could spend eternity with Him. He offers the same to you today. It makes no difference what you have done or not done. He has already answered the question, “What is the cost? And He was willing to pay it!
Blessings and Happy Sabbath,
John
5/25/18
