I didn’t write a blog on Monday. One reason was that it was Memorial Day but even more so is because I am really brain dead these days. Today is my 22nd radiation treatment and mostly I am doing pretty well. Still hanging in there and exercising every morning but feeling nauseous and fatigued has led to a kind of brain fog. So, if I skip a day here and there over the next three weeks forgive me.
The one thing about having cancer as a daily presence again, is that every day is a precious commodity. Not because I value this world as much as a used to but because I feel an urgency to do something everyday to share what the Lord has done in my life. It is the reason I feel blessed to write this blog and also why when I just cannot get it together I feel I missed an opportunity to do His work. Cancer is bad but sometimes the treatments are worse!
Last Saturday I was schedule to speak at the Oglethorpe, Georgia SDA Church. It is a great little church and I love to share with the good folks there. My problem was that the same brain fog that affects my writing seemed like it was going to prevent me from sharing my testimony and God’s Word.
When I got up Saturday morning, the nausea was worse than normal and as I did my devotionals I found I really was having problems concentrating. I was not feeling very confident that I could do justice to what I wanted to share, even though it was a topic I had shared before. As the time approached to leave for the church I felt miserable and was seeking a promise that would keep my faith strong when I was weak in body and God’s Word had what I needed, “My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:26) I would need to trust that more than ever!
I think what is so amazing about God’s Word is that it is sufficient. I have always been a veracious reader. At one time I read two or three books a week. But through all those years I avoided reading the Bible. I mean, I sought out self-help books and read inspiring autobiographies. I followed fictional characters in book after serial book. But thinking back on literally the thousands of books I read nothing compares with the Word. And of course, there is a good reason for that, “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness.” (2 Timothy 3:16) And when it speaks of inspiration, I think of the Holy Spirit. I knew last Sabbath that is who I needed to inspire and uphold me in sharing the Word He inspired.
Now don’t get me wrong. Every time I am privileged to share whether it be in front of one or hundreds I seek the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. But last Sabbath was different and maybe in a way better. The one thing I knew for sure was I was not going to be able to speak coherently so this time I would have to surrender all to Him!
When the time came for me to speak, I had kept that verse from Psalm 73 in my head and said a silent prayer, really I think it was one word, “Help!” As I stood at the podium the nauseousness subsided and I could feel the Holy Spirit filling me with the strength I was going to need to share His Word!
I cannot tell you what I shared, I remember some of it. But as always happens when I can truly surrender to the Holy Spirit most of what I said does not come from me and that is one of the coolest feeling I have ever had. I say the words, but He inspires it all. I am humbled to think it is close to what happened to writers of the books of the Bible!
I can only thank the Lord for His Word and the continuing inspiration of the Holy Spirit. I know that for the remainder of my radiation treatments I will need to rely on Him totally. Maybe that is the hidden blessing in all of this. That today and everyday from now on I can testify His Word and His grace is sufficient, “…My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) May all of us rely on His strength to make us strong today.
Blessings John
5/30/18
