I was sitting by myself at the end of the bar. It was a rainy day, so I had arrived early, maybe around 10:30. As I sat there I was feeling good and not only from the five or six drinks I had already downed, but because right now this watering hole was peaceful. No one had started the juke box or was there arguments going on at the pool tables and even the TV was turned down low. I was going to enjoy this peace for as long as possible.
There were only two other customers and they too were sitting quietly drinking. The thought came to me as I looked down the bar, some of us drunks really know how to mind our own business. If it could only be this way all the time. I raised my glass and Tony came down, picking it up without asking, he mixed me another whiskey and coke. He set it down and returned to his seat near the TV. Yes, sir, this was the life. But nothing good lasts forever.
As I was daydreaming staring into my drink I heard a commotion at the door. Looking up I saw a crowd of what seemed to be construction workers coming in. They were loud and soon the whole atmosphere of the place changed. The jukebox was blaring, and half the guys were standing around the pool table, as usual the arguments began. Any peace I had was now gone. I sucked down my drink and slammed a fiver on the bar as a tip for Tony.
As I headed back to my truck, the LA rain was still coming down. The gloom of it only added to my already dark spirit. Fumbling for my key, I unlocked the door and slid in behind the steering wheel. I guess I sat there for a while listening to the rain beat on the roof. “Is it too much to ask for a little peace once and a while?” I mumbled to myself. Reaching under the seat I pulled out a pint of whiskey. Addressing the almost empty bottle, I whispered, “The best peace I know comes when I have had enough of you!” I finished it off in two gulps. Starting the truck, I headed out to find another bottle.
During my drinking days, this incident occurred more than once. I sought peace from the demons that tortured me in the very substance that they were using to keep me in bondage. It was the proverbial vicious cycle. I would drink seeking to shut out the noise of the world and as I drank, most time the noise got louder.
The only good thing I can say about that time is that I was seeking. I wanted to find a place where there would be a peace that could fill me in a way that I had heard others talking about. Unfortunately, all those who were talking were also addicted to substances and they were trying to convince me that a high existed where I would find peace. It never happened. All those roads led to the exact opposite, pain and turmoil.
I had come to accept the fact that there was no true peace to be found when I began listening to the Bible. I would hear, “The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace. (Psalms 29:11) or “I will listen to what God the LORD says; he promises peace to His people, His faithful servants- but let them not turn to folly.” (Psalm 85:8) What did any of that mean? It sounded nice, but I wasn’t feeling it!
It took a while but slowly it happened without me knowing it. Even though I wasn’t yet ready to believe the words, I noticed a feeling of peace every time I was in the Word of God. Something in my life would be out of control, I would listen to the Bible and even though things might still be in turmoil, I no longer was.
I know now that it was the Holy Spirit showing me that the only true peace any of us have come through His fruit and that fruit comes in believing in He who is the way, the truth and the life. It did take years to break through my cynical doubt and more years to break through the addictions that blocked me from this true peace. But in 2012 when I was baptized, I did finally experience, “. the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding… (Philippians 4:7 partial)
Today when I look back on days like that rainy day in Los Angeles, I feel so sad that I spent so much time seeking to find what was available as a free gift by the grace of God. I want others to know if you are being fooled into believing that the substances you are using or think this world can in any way offer you peace, please don’t be deceived! Listen to these words of Jesus and leave your fear behind, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27)
Blessings John
6/11/18
